Re-vamped...The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup?

So I has been off work sick recently which means I got in a healthy dose of day time TV, and as getting over a break up goes, try this on for size...

http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/shows/revamped/videos/re-vamped-sneaky-peak.html

The synopsis goes  “Our Re-Vamped women have been betrayed by love, their hopes have been dashed and romantic dreams shattered. One thing is certain our ladies feel badly about themselves and are desperate to get their confidence back. On Re-Vamped, we help them do just that.

We travel on an entertaining journey of transformation, as we watch eight women undertake two big tasks on the road to life-altering change. With the help of a master fitness trainer, our heartbroken ladies undergo a brutal diet, detox and bootcamp.

Secondly, the women will get their sexual confidence back by forming a burlesque troupe. Under the guidance of a world-class choreographer, our Re-Vamped crew will create and execute a sexy and exotic burlesque performance.

To pull it off, they’ll have to help one another recover from bruised hearts, raw emotions, the lack of self-esteem, and get each other back on track to feeling confident, sexy, and ready to regain that part of themselves lost to heartbreak.

This builds up to the grand finale when the troupe unveil their new sexy selves in front of a live audience comprised of family, friends and…ex-partners“

Sounds pretty reasonable to me! Although I have been unable to watch the first season of the show to find out what the show is really about i.e., what did the ladies want to get out of the show, also what happened when the ladies preformed their burlesque act in front of their ex partners... I mean after being dazzled by the burlesque did the ex partner want them back? was it really about getting the ex partner back? or was it about feeling confident, sexy and ready as the synopsis describes... I guess I'm just gonna have to watch season two to find out!!

In the mean time ladies... what have you done to get over your ex? Have you learnt to pole dance? ran a marathon? took up salsa in a bid to get your sexy back after a break up... and going back to the whole point of the show a grand finale, a performance in front of the ex partner... why not just learn burlesque and save it for the next man... why go to all that trouble to show off your new skills and the new you to the ex-partner... is it really the best means of getting over a breakup?

Guys has an ex-partner ever got really sexy after the fact and flaunted it in your face by way of burlesque or any over sexy means... what was the out come did you want her back? or did it just make you realize she is still putty in your hands?

Anyway I will be watching tonight @ 8pm on Bio... you never know I might pick up some moves! :D

When you know she's got to go!

I have been friends with Debs, Selly, and Si for many years, and long may it continue! We have all experienced our own share of highs and lows, whilst continuing to support each other on our individual paths. I was raised as an only child, and these lovely ladies, like some of my other friends have been more like family to me, and I adore them each for it. Indeed no relationship, friend or otherwise is perfect, and I'm sure the girls will back me up on this, but true loving friends come through obstacles stronger, wiser and with a better insight into each other.

Now, through the years I've loved and lost friends. Sometimes because we've moved physically apart, or because of the choices I or they have made,  but there is one other reason that my post will address tonight, and that reason is because the friend in question, in a term first coined by Si, has become a 'FRIENEMY'!

Frienemy's usually start out very innocently, you have things in common they seem on your wavelength, you share jokes and good times, but soon they turn into well, an enemy. I've learnt that there are different types of frienemy's, and I shall tell you my experiences with two types.

THE BI*CH

My friendship with Rose (not her real name) started really well. We met at university, and from the get go we just clicked. Both of us had sons of similar ages, were both Cancerians, and had an interest in African Caribbean history. Before I knew it we were sharing good times as well as supporting each other unbiasedly through the bad. 4-years later our friendship remained intact, but I had begun noticing things about Rose, that I hadn't noticed before. 2 years prior to this change, my aunt had seen Rose at a market stall. 'Is your friend Rose OK?' my aunt had asked. 'Yes, why?' I had said. My aunt then replied, 'I don't know, she just seems angry, she was really rude to the market stall owner'. I didn't think anymore of it, but then I started seeing this angry Rose that my aunt had commented on years before.

I started noticing that Rose would be very rude and aggressive when I called her, for instance

Me: Gosh I was freezing today

Rose: We're in England........................................Long Pause..................................................

Every time I called her I wasn't sure what sort of mood she would be in so I would have to psyche myself up to call her. I would moan to Debs about what sort of attitude I had been confronted with until I couldn't take it anymore. The last straw for me was when she chastised me for forgetting her university start dates even though I was 9 months pregnant and OB's grandmother had just died. By now I was at the end of my tether and text her to say our friendship was over, but I wish her and the boys well. It was hard but felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I no longer had to avoid her phone calls and put up with her blatant rudeness, I could just spend my breath talking to my civilised friends.

THE VAMPIRE

All friends go through dramas this goes without saying, and part of friendship is being a supportive friend. But sometimes you can run into a vampire friend. The vampire is the sort of friend who needs your support and advice about every adult decision that they should be making. What colour shoes shall I buy? I know I'll ask Bi! Does he love me? I know I'll ask Bi! Shall I take the job? I know I'll ask Bi!

Natasha and Cleo were Vampire's the sad thing is they were actually lovely people, but I felt like they thought they somehow owned me and that I didn't have a life. I would spend time calling Natasha declaring that I was around because low and behold if she couldn't get through to me! I would be called a stranger after 1 day of no contact. It came to a point where I felt that they thought my life revolved around them. I was going through a serious crisis so didn't have as much time to be putting Natasha's ego at ease. A few later I received a text saying something along the lines of have a nice life, and that was that. You are no good to a Vampire if you have no blood to suck!

Cleo was a miserable Vampire, you know one of those people that are ALWAYS moaning, I started noticing that I would get miserable if I was around her. I also noticed that any bit of happiness I had, would get an instantly negative response. I distanced myself from Cleo who after a year wrote me to apologise. Even though we are in touch we are both appreciating each other from a distance!

Not all frienemy's are ladies though! I've experienced my fair share of male frienemy's too!

So ladies have you encountered a frienemy?

He Won't Support My Natural Hair Dream...

Hey bdssr's just to let you know I have been indoctrinated by the YouTube 'natural movement’ (according to my other half!)… yep I have decided to forgo my relaxer and go back to my roots!! :-D

Now whilst I am quite excited about my new hair, apparently my decision to cut off my relaxer has already cost lots of money and ruined my relationship!

You see firstly a lot of these YouTube ‘naturals’ also do makeup tutorials and so I got a bit carried away in Boots the other day and spent a lot of money on make up (plus I frequent madeformakeup.com often).

I have also spent every spare minute of this (and last) weekend on YouTube trying to educate myself about natural hair care - hence neglecting my other half! lol

So my natural hair journey has already got off to a troubled start and I only have about one inch of natural hair on my head! however I am really excited about my decision and I’m anxiously waiting for the dreaded… (Relaxed haired ladies look away now) …regrowth! lol

Another major bump in the road to naturaldom is the fact that for the past two weeks my other half has been looking at me as if I have gone crazy and he has actually told me I won’t look good rocking the natural hair that the good Lord gave me!

Not only that … whilst I was watching all these natural women in all their kinky glory, he actually said and I quote: “none of these women actually look good Si!”

So I told him in no uncertain terms that everyone has different idea’s of what looks good and to me these women rocking their ‘wash and goes’, ‘twas’ and ‘defined curls’ confidently look great to me!

I also told him that it is HE who has been indoctrinated… with the idea that natural hair is not a good look… you mean to tell me he would rather have me putting the ‘Creamy Crack’ on my head resulting in dry itching scalp or rocking a weave for the rest of my life!? Why because the idea of my natural hair, which I might add he has never seen is so unappealing?

I mean my recent hair has just been lacking that ump! that va va voom! that wow factor!

It did grow to shoulder length last year after I wore a weave for about a year, however despite my best efforts to maintain the length every time I went to my hairdresser she said it was breaking, and at the root on one side! kmt

So I cut it into what a lot of people said was a really nice short style, and I quote ‘you could be a model’ type comments, however even that short style was hard to maintain (six weekly trips to get it relaxed and trimmed!) between then and now maintaining my hair has started to feel long!

Which is something I don’t think my other half gets, he only cares about the end results and not all the drama in between (i.e., the burning scalp, the itch you can’t scratch, the split ends, the hair turning brown, the constant blow drying and tonging to make it look decent etc) it was all just becoming laborious and the idea of ‘wash(ing) and go(ing)’ really appeals to me right about now.

Now don’t get me wrong I think no matter how you wear your hair as long as you feel good rocking it then it does not matter if its natural, relaxed, weaved or loc’d … as I have worn a number of hair styles over the years from when I first had a relaxed short Jada Pinkett cut, to a long weave, to braids with gelled down fringes… I have rocked them all and I have a wealth of photos on FB to prove it, lol.

But I have come to the conclusion that my relaxed hair is just not healthy and when I think back to the thick head of healthy hair I had as a child I miss it.

My relaxed hair is flat and limp, my hair of old had some umph to it!

Therefore I am embarking on a natural hair growth journey, and trust me after watching all the Youtube video’s it is a ‘journey’ back to healthy natural hair.

(If you have a minute have a look at African Export, Rustic Beauty, NappyChronicles and Kimmaytube on Youtube…as I said there is a natural movement going on!)

So what do you think bdssr’s have I gone crazy?  Is my boyfriend right, will I look atrocious rocking my natural curls? I mean I have assured him that if his predictions are correct and I end up looking terrible, that the creamy crack is available in all good PAK stores! So it’s really not such a big deal… or is it?

Gangster Loving!

Hey ladies and gentlemen!

Sorry for my extra long absence I have had a lot on!

I gave birth to my beautiful son on the 1st of October, he's doing very well and his brothers are very happy with the new arrival. I've also had absolutely no Internet for 3 weeks which has driven me mad, but hey I'm back online now and ready to get typing before the baby wakes!

Now I'm going back to a recent post created by Si called Songs That Take You To A Dark Place well I was reflecting on this post and reflecting on my past. Back in the day I loved Hip-Hop, not just any Hip-Hop though, I enjoyed the proper gangster stuff (and still do) although I mainly listen to my Old Skool jams.

I think it all started when my mum agreed to get cable television, which was a big thing back then.These music videos entered me into a new realm. I remember watching the MTV Amour and Yo shows and not only falling for the hard exterior of rappers like Tupac, Lost Boyz, Wu - Tang, Mobb Depp, not forgetting Bone Thugs N Harmony, but also being enthralled by the glamorous and sexy women they had on their arm. My enjoyment wasn't just found through television, I use to buy the now defunct Source magazine for my monthly fix of latest Hip-Hop news, as well as saving my pocket money to buy the single to the latest tunes. CD's weren't cheap back then and I remember paying £10.00 for Aaliyah's single 'Age Ain't Nothing But A Number' and this was the case with many of the albums I liked because most of them were on import. I would also stay up late recording on cassette the Tim Westwood radio 1 rap show so I could listen to tracks over and over again (forwarding that annoying mans voice of course). I recall my delight at hearing the relatively unknown rapper Eminem's single "97' Bonnie & Clyde"and thinking this man is good but CRAZY!

The Wu -Tang Clan were another group I was into, there was one particular tune( Dog Shit) that I knew the lyrics to off by heart, and I remember one of my closest friends writing down the lyrics to it, so that we could catch jokes when reciting it at school. I got a chance to meet the Wu a few years back but I will give you the jokes in another post. It will include a Philly blunt,  a flasher and the Chicken Pox - yep you read correctly.

Whilst my friends were into 3T, and falling asleep to the soothing voice of Tevin Campbell, I would watch my Hip-Hop music video recordings, and put posters of rap artists on my wall. One of my favourite videos was the Lost Boyz Renee. I refer to Si's post because I think subconsciously my love of Hip-Hop, combined with my young mind, made me aspire to things I wouldn't ordinarily have entertained if I had not listened to it. I'm not saying all the music was negative, but on a whole I remember being young and thinking I actually wanted a gangster boyfriend to look after me and shower me in bling! I actually thought this lifestyle was fun, glamorous, and men talking about guns and gangs - exciting!

Well my journey continued, things changed and I grew, but I think the gangster thing of old stayed with me. It was almost as though that 'dark music' was intertwined in my actual life and mental psych, even now when I bang out Nas, Biggie etc, I'm able to get an adrenalin rush leaving me able to clean the house at top speed! Anyway, I met men as we do, some good and some, well, not so good. But the time came when I met a certified 'Ganster'.

I look back at this time in my life and know three things, I was Young + Naive + Dam Crazy!

What was it about this guy that was intriguing?  He wasn't, tall, dark, and particularly handsome, but he had money, charm, a massive ego, talked some shit that I ain't heard before, showed me things that I ain't seen before, took risks, was dangerous and was equally as crazy as me for dating him.

At first he started out really sweet (as crazy men tend to), but after a dates there were a few statements that he made that should have been massive big RED alerts, but I decided to ignore them. When he went through my phone and deleted every single male contact (except my dad) I should have listened to the RED alerts, but again I ignored it. The dates were sweet, the clothes even better, but little by little the sweet gangster, like the ones that they showed in the music videos, I thought I had met, started getting gangster on ME! He wasn't so sweet anymore in fact he was becoming an increasing nightmare, turning up unexpectedly, being controlling, and very demanding. He was also very dodgy about his  own life, but thought he owned the rights to mine. Anyway one day he told me he had took part in a documentary, I thought it sounded interesting. But this was no ordinary documentary I might add, this was very much a gangster documentary and it is after seeing this documentary that I decided to make running pace steps to leave, and not jog. He would happily go to church every Sunday repenting on the sins he's committed on Monday, Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I realised that the man was crazier than I thought. Especially when he goes and testifies in front of the congregation with the same bravado that he boasts his sins to his friends.

So there you have it, dark music leads to dark thoughts and possibly even not so good people. With this generation of children living in the multi-media age I think it's important that parents monitor what children listen to. Had I been a man perhaps I would have gotten into something much more serious than a bad experience with a 'Gangster' or alternatively the whole episode could have gotten way out of hand for me to deal with alone. Although I believe that 'Gangster's na fi talk' in other words if you're a true G you don't claim to be!

Years went by, and I saw one of his friends at a bar in Streatham, he informed me that the 'G' had been put away for a very long time, and even asked if he could have my number to give him, I just laughed with relief and politely said 'no' and walked quickly away. Men may think us ladies like bad men, but if a woman is wise she will want a real man and a bad man just ain't it.

So fellow BDSS's and readers, have you had any experience's with so called bad men? Or are you wise and just deal with gentlemen?

I will end this post with a more conscious  Hip-Hip tune by Dead Prez 'We need a Revolution'

xxx

BDSS Soon Come...

Sorry for the absence of posts lately, unfortunately the BDSS are really like drama´s in the boroughs! What with raising children, work, internet problems and men folk flopping in between (stay tuned for some serious posting, lol) well... you get the idea!

In the mean time check out some of our previous posts and we hope to resume our normal posting schedule shortly...

Bi: The BDSS: "I've always relied on the kindness of strangers"

Debs: The BDSS: The Heart of the Matter!

Si: The BDSS: A good deed TURNED...

Sel: The BDSS: Think your way to orgasm