I've recently come back from my hometown of Nottingham (Stann's girl for life!), and whilst there caught up with one of my dearest friends D. Over lunch as usual we caught up on lots of things until we arrived at the subject of interracial dating. We mainly reflected on Asian and Black dating, which is a big taboo mainly in the Asian community, who are renown for being very close knit and 'sticking together'. This got me thinking about what I would write in my next blog, and I thought interracial dating would be a good subject to address.
Statistically Black men are well known for dating and marrying outside their race, much more so than other racial groups. The reasons for this are vast and I am sure we'll explore this further in another blog post. The flip side of this, is that statistically the largest gender ethnic group to remain single or unmarried are Black women. This is a contributing factor to the extensive percentage of lone-parent households being among black ethnic groups. Forty-eight per cent of Black Caribbean families have one parent, as do 36 per cent of Black African households. Although I am well aware that there are many Black men out there raising their kids alone, of course a majority of lone parents are indeed women.
Well, I am not here to over analyse this situation and I am well aware that there are many reasons why people enter relationships outside their racial groups. I know many Black men and women who are in interracial relationships who are very happy and in love which is great! Finding a partner that you can love and share your life with is of course a blessing regardless of race. But there is one issue that I have when it comes to some Black men who date outside their racial group, and it is this - their need to justify it by belittling Black women.
The whole Black female race is not one entity, so why oh why do some ignoramus Black men do this?
It gets me sooooooooo mad! I've even had Black men (who admittedly usually date outside their racial group) tell me that I'm "Not like the rest" or "I'm a rare breed of Black woman" did they think that this would flatter me? When I've questioned a few men about why they don't date Black women I have often got the following responses:
- They are too loud, and always want to argue
- They nag and females from other racial groups don't nag as much
- They love the weave too much and I like to run my fingers through a woman's hair
- I don't like the texture of their hair
- They always want you to pay for everything, and don't know how to take care of a man properly
- They're too big (I prefer petite women)
- Black women are more insecure about their appearance
- Black women are too stush
- They don't know how to let themselves go in between the sheets
- They are not as pretty as females from other racial groups
- They are too controlling and don't know how to let a man be a man
- Black women only notice a black man once he's with a woman of another racial group, until then he's just another black man
- They are too much hard work!
Now the this list can go on and on and on, but I will summarise this in a video I watched via Facebook a few months back. It made me laugh that a man could be so ignorant, but listening to this BBC live phone-in also made me very annoyed that he could even go there and showed that he himself was blatantly insecure and had issues he needs to deal with like self-hatred!
I will share it with you but be warned it may rattle a few nerves!
I will reiterate that I have absolutely no issues with interracial dating or marriage whatsoever, but it's this blatant ignorance that really gets to me. I know there must be Black women that say similar things about Black men, but I've never met any, neither have I met anyone from any other race who puts down women from their own race to justify dating outside of it.
Now ladies and gents what do you think to this video? Is this a blatant form of self-hate? Or do you agree with all or some of what this man is saying? Over to you!!
Wow Bi, great post! haha
ReplyDeleteThat video of the Black man saying he finds black women repulsive was not easy listening but I'm glad that I know that this man does not speak for all men, it's just his opinion (and his friends apparently! Lol) I view his stereotyping and generalising of the black women's appearance just ignorant, but if it serves a purpose to justify his decision to date outside his race then that is good for him...he definitely comes under the disgrace category! (I mean Beyonce and white women wear weaves/extensions too etc)! So his generalizing fails on many levels!
With that said I’m glad I know black men who date outside their race but don't feel the need to put black women down to justify it, in fact I know people quite close to me who since I can remember have dated interracially but never once have I heard them make a disparaging remark about black women, at the end of the day they love who they love and that is it... And these people fit under the grace category!
I’m sure we all have preferences when it comes to who we date; I mean I love my black men! Both dark and light, however, I do find some white men attractive too! But what I don't do is run down white men to justify my love of black men because I have no need as I'm comfortable with my dating decisions... and I'm not one of those so called ‘spiteful women’ who hates on interracial dating either because I don't believe the hype that black women are single and that there are not good men out there or that they all prefer white women etc! I have never had problems finding a partner personally! (I’m not being big headed!).
And I think that ultimately when your comfortable with yourself and who your loving you don't need to defend it at all and especially by talking shit, stereotyping, generalizing and sounding like a complete ass hole! Lol
I mean why in order to love her I got to be put down or be a bad person? It doesn’t make any rational sense to me!
Ignorant men like this need to realize that women and men come in all colours, shapes and sizes, and everyone has there own ideas about what is hot and what is not and the rest of the drama is your own personal issues (Defensiveness, self hatred, stupidity, ignorance, coconutism!) haha – but it certainly don’t have nothing to do with me!
I don't find such thoughts shocking but rather disappointing being that this so called black male lacks the true knowledge of what black we are like, instead he focuses on a small general population that he has been exposed to, or who he has seen acting loud in his local club, he needs to get out more. Just as they are some round the way black so can they be some round the way white chicks. The killer is mentioning Beyonce as though she isn't queen if the lace front what with her L'Oréal add which keeps her getting lighter and lighter.
ReplyDeleteHowever that for me misses the point. It is his personal choice to date outside of his race but the reasons given could be applied to black men, with the cheaply tinted windows, wanna be rims, fake diamond earrings, smoking weed and they are some women who are happy with that but personally not my choice... see I can do it too, but I choose to ignore those and I know there is a strong stand up black man waiting for me out there, they're prejudices for every race but you shouldn't let that make one form an opinion and apply it to a whole people... come on now.
If you seek a half cooked woman then you will get one but if you seek a powerful, confident, hard working, intelligent, beautiful, successful woman then guess what she is out there but his short mindedness pisses me off and he needs to sit all the way down to the ground
lol wow what a way the man sound stupid!
ReplyDeleteI hate it when others generalise, and he was doing some mad generalising right there. But atleast he included his mother in his list of 3 pretty black women. His sisters, nieces, gran etc are all repulsive but his mum is okay....I'd hate to be a female relative of his. Imagine if you were his daughter, half black, but in his eyes not as good looking as any white women.
I do think that he is entitled to express his views and likes and dislikes though, even if they are views that people disagree with.
I think it can be normal for some people to think of a million and one reasons to justify their decisions made in life and it can be quite easy to blame someone else for it. So rather than saying I just prefer white women, its easier to say all black women are ugly or they have an attitude problem.
I think at the end of the day when people generalise and then discriminate against people because of race, its an impaired way of thinking.
Lol a half cooked women! I love that girl - :-D
ReplyDeleteI agree it is some impaired negative kind of love of white/other ethnic women in relation to hatred of black women.
I mean fair enough you may have come around people who give you the side eye when your walking with your beautiful non black women but even then you should not feel the need to defend it or become upset by it and start generalizing and start slander black women (your family members included- he is clearly crazy!) because you should have sense enough to realise that reaction is that particular persons own problem
Me I love my man and it's not in relation to no one else it's just he is a a cool guy and togather we make magic happen! Lol end of! Lol