Just aint fair . . . for us women!

No contest, really.

Don't you sometimes wonder why, on top of the regular runnings that life throws our way on a daily basis, we women have some much more to contend with than our male counterparts:

No. 1: Periods!

This had to be listed as the number one most unfair affliction ever! How on earth did we get landed with the monthly leakage and our fellow men get off scott free. I don’t know about you but I get the most un-blessed pain with mine that I’m always knocked out for the first couple of days and some times, even the couple of days leading up to it.

Not to mention the ‘products’ we have to buy. Even if you’re feeling that end of the month pinch and can barely afford to eat, you’d better make sure you’ve got enough change for those essential ‘plugs’ (tampons, for those who are not following!); don’t even get me started about how much it costs these days for a pack of 16 … well, at least the pads no longer feel like you’re wearing half a mattress.

Yeah yeah, I know it’s a necessary evil; without the 4-weekly visitor we would never be blessed with children and families and evolution in general and blah blah but try see a man having to cope with such a thing – they’d try to bring an end to the reproductive cycle.

Which appropriately leads me onto the next point …

No.2: Childbirth!

Yep, another exclamation mark is necessary here!

I’m sure there’s not much need for me to expand; it takes two to tango and then … well the woman pretty much takes care of the rest from hereon in. From morning sickness to having urges to yam for two - things that aren’t even edible (chalk and coal are two things that come to mind), to walking around with all that extra weight that you can’t simply put down at a moment’s whim to the finale: the labour! Don’t worry BDSSers, I’m not about to get graphic here but you get my drift.

How is any of this in any way, shape or form FAIR?? They get to revel in all the pleasurable bits while we line ourselves up for the discomfort and pain – yea, that’s plenty fair.

Apart from the obvious, the only other blessing throughout this whole scenario is not having to contend with list No.1 :D

No.3: Hair

Ooh, don’t get me started. In fact just today, BDSSer Bi and I were discussing the gift of hindsight when it comes to hair. Fortunately, one of us (BDSSer Si) is leading the way to good, healthy, natural hair (click here to read more for yourself) but some of us are still in some sort of transition.

Whichever way you look at it, whether you wish to remain natural, decide to relax, opt for a texturiser, or go for locks – it’s all effort and serious dedication. You slacken, you risk losing your lovely tresses – but unfortunately, you sometimes don’t find this out until it’s too late to do anything about it.

No.4: Let’s Party!

“Yay, let’s go – on no wait, I need to get ready.” – The famous last words that I’m sure just about every man dreads to hear from their woman. Ok, I’ll dress this down for you:

Checklist - Male:

1.       Shave

2.       Shower

3.       Moisturise

4.       Choose garms

5.       Smell fresh

6.       Good to GO!

Checklist - Woman:

1.         Select outfit

2.         Paint nails

3.         Wait for nails to dry

4.         Locate your shower cap!

5.         Apply face mask

6.         Shower

a) Exfoliate

b) Shave

c) Foot scrub

7.         Cleanse & tone

8.         Moisturise face

9.         Moisturise body

--- this is where that all essential gulp of wine is required ---

10.     Change previously selected outfit

11.     Find jewellery to match outfit

12.     Find bag and shoes to match outfit

13.     Find jacket to match outfit

And it probably goes on. Admittedly, everyone will probably leave out a couple of the above steps but generally, the woman's process of getting ready for a night out is considerably longer than that of a man’s – again, why is this fair??

And before the men jump down my throat with “well, you’re creating work for yourself”; if we didn’t, we wouldn’t have the confidence in ourselves to carry ourselves into the party and catch your attention – those of us who are taken still like to show off what we’ve got!

So BDSSers women; do you feel me?! What else is ‘unfair’ in the male vs female world? Despite my mini strop, I suspect it’s all worth the effort in the end. Suppose we’re designed to shoulder all sorts of loads so ‘I am every wo-man’ indeed! BDSSer men (you lucky so and so’s) do you appreciate the simpler life, or maybe you infact have it tougher than us? Please; enlighten me!

Dating from another race, with grace or disgrace?

I've recently come back from my hometown of Nottingham (Stann's girl for life!), and whilst there caught up with one of my dearest friends D. Over lunch as usual we caught up on lots of things until we arrived at the subject of interracial dating. We mainly reflected on Asian and Black dating, which is a big taboo mainly in the Asian community, who are renown for being very close knit and 'sticking together'. This got me thinking about what I would write in my next blog, and I thought interracial dating would be a good subject to address.

Statistically Black men are well known for dating and marrying outside their race, much more so than other racial groups. The reasons for this are vast and I am sure we'll explore this further in another blog post. The flip side of this, is that statistically the largest gender ethnic group to remain single or unmarried are Black women. This is a contributing factor to the extensive percentage of lone-parent households being among black ethnic groups. Forty-eight per cent of Black Caribbean families have one parent, as do 36 per cent of Black African households. Although I am well aware that there are many Black men out there raising their kids alone, of course a majority of lone parents are indeed women.

Well, I am not here to over analyse this situation and I am well aware that there are many reasons why people enter relationships outside their racial groups. I know many Black men and women who are in interracial relationships who are very happy and in love which is great! Finding a partner that you can love and share your life with is of course a blessing regardless of race. But there is one issue that I have when it comes to some Black men who date outside their racial group, and it is this - their need to justify it by belittling Black women.

The whole Black female race is not one entity, so why oh why do some ignoramus Black men do this?

It gets me sooooooooo mad! I've even had Black men (who admittedly usually date outside their racial group) tell me that I'm "Not like the rest" or "I'm a rare breed of Black woman" did they think that this would flatter me? When I've questioned a few men about why they don't date Black women I have often got the following responses:

• They are too loud, and always want to argue 
• They nag and females from other racial groups don't nag as much 
• They love the weave too much and I like to run my fingers through a woman's hair 
• I don't like the texture of their hair 
• They always want you to pay for everything, and don't know how to take care of a man properly 
• They're too big (I prefer petite women) 
• Black women are more insecure about their appearance 
• Black women are too stush 
• They don't know how to let themselves go in between the sheets 
• They are not as pretty as females from other racial groups 
• They are too controlling and don't know how to let a man be a man 
• Black women only notice a black man once he's with a woman of another racial group, until then he's just another black man 
• They are too much hard work!

Now the this list can go on and on and on, but I will summarise this in a video I watched via Facebook a few months back. It made me laugh that a man could be so ignorant, but listening to this BBC live phone-in also made me very annoyed that he could even go there and showed that he himself was blatantly insecure and had issues he needs to deal with like self-hatred!

I will share it with you but be warned it may rattle a few nerves!

I will reiterate that I have absolutely no issues with interracial dating or marriage whatsoever, but it's this blatant ignorance that really gets to me. I know there must be Black women that say similar things about Black men, but I've never met any, neither have I met anyone from any other race who puts down women from their own race to justify dating outside of it.

Now ladies and gents what do you think to this video? Is this a blatant form of self-hate? Or do you agree with all or some of what this man is saying? Over to you!!