I was listening to a song the other day, by an artist that I love and at first I was listening to the song contentedly it was quite a soulful track. I liked the vocals, the backing track, the video looked very slick, I was starting to feel quite impressed but then I caught on and listened to the lyrics, and the feminist in me started to feel slightly uncomfortable.
A good song manages to paint a picture in your mind, and this songs was about your usual r'n'b fodder, relationships, so as the lyrics in this song go on, picture me, picturing a woman struggling in her relationship talking about "these tears I cry sure won't be the last, this pain in side never seems to pass" so I'm thinking oh oh not a great relationship!! and I can relate we've all been there.
Then the song talks about another woman "sometimes I wonder could she be more of a woman to you, than you are a man to me" double oh oh maybe some infidelity going on. It goes on "I hope she is happy, she is happy your the chapter I am closing". He has now gone to this other woman. Tut tut tut terrible, but again I can relate issues of infidelity can feel like norm these day.
Then it got uncomfortable to me! The jarring thing is that after hearing about all this heartbreak this man is causing, the singer then goes on to thank this guy for making her a woman, it goes "so I thank you, yeahhhh, so I thank you yeahhhh, so I thank you for making me a woomann" I can't help but think that something is wrong here......in fact I'd go so far as to say
Here is why......
While I understand that going through life's twists and turns can make certain individuals grow up quickly, and take on more responsibilities than others and that this may make you act and even be more mature (it may expedite the transition from boy to manhood or girl to womanhood), than if you go through an idyllic trouble free childhood. But where along the lines did a girl's ability to become a woman become a man's remit. That we have got all these song's crying out to some unsuitable
The song is effectively saying that I stayed here and let you miss-treat me for a minute but thank you, you made me a woman......I can't help but pose the question....how so?
There are so many stand out events in my life that mark out my journey from girlhood to womanhood and I do not class relationship break ups anywhere on my list, some examples are moving out and having my own place, working and paying to keep a roof over mine and my families head, having a child, the very mere fact that I was born a female with the xx chromosomes, have breasts and regular period's holds so much more weight to me than the break up between me and my first boyfriend at 16 for example. Yet no one ever sings I became a woman when I had my first child or bought my first car, its always some random relationship problem.
The scary thing is that so many women subscribe to this notion, listening to the song and commenting that the song reminds them of their life, and how much they love the lyric.
Personally I think it gives the wrong person too much credit and a bit too much power, if all they hurt you why say thank you?
If someone runs over my toe's I don't thank them for the pleasure of hurting my foot. Or Punches me square in the face I don't thank them for causing me a nose bleed. The same is true for emotional distress, if someone takes liberties with your heart why then thank them and give them kudos for something that a) you already are (if your already grown) or b) your going to become in time anyway (if your a young woman not yet an adult).
So bdss'er what events shaped you and made you go from girlhood to womanhood? (I'm praying that you all will have more than the usual relationship woes as depicted in the songs) but if not its okay I want to hear from you still. Guy's does the same hold true for you, does woman stress make you a man? I don't hear any men saying "she got pregnant by Jerome during the relationship but I thank her because she made me a man". Maybe you have them but don't say or sing theses thoughts out loud so no one knows.
Does it take man or woman stress to make you grown? I believe I could do without the stress and be a grown woman anyway but what do you think bdss'ers?
Coincidentally the actual song is sung by a woman but written by a man, this may or may not be significant! What do you think?