Conversations With A Babyfather...

Following on from the previous post The BDSS: I Want To Be Your Babyfather...

Whilst it raised a consensus amongst the BDSS that none of  us could possibly imagine being baby mother number 5, 8, 11 or 13! We all would be willing to engage with a man who has  children from previous relationships/liasons depending on the type of male he is (i.e., preferably in employment,  contributing to the child/children´s upbringing both financially, emotionally, taking care of their welfare and all that other good father stuff)!

We also agreed that it is the children who are likely to suffer in a situation like the one in the article and if you check the comments someone even envisioned baby mother fights and all sorts because of the father not being able to provide for all his 15 children!

However I think the issue brings up more  questions than answers that frankly the BDSS are not equipped to answer ourselves, I think we need a male perspective or something…

Luckily I did have the opportunity to talk with a male, who lets say is an older gentlemen who himself has a number of children by a few women, (obviously not to the extreme of the man from the article)! 

Me and my fellow BDSS Sel were having a conversation about cheating with this man and during the conversation he alluded to the fact that as a male with a number of children by different women it can make starting relationships not so easy, in fact I think he may have used the word  HINDRANCE! lol 

Now he did clarify he was not saying his children themselves are a hindrance to him, but attached to the fact he has so many children by a few women is the idea that he is some kind of playboy, the idea that women may not take him seriously now because of it.

Which he said when he was  younger he did not even consider the consequence (Maybe he thought himself virile- lol!).

It was really one of them ´ been there and done that´ kind of conversations and the crux of it all was that now with hindsight he wished he had all his children with just  one women!  In fact he said he would not recommend multiple babymothers at all! (I love a male perspective!) :-D



It was great hearing this perspective, unfortunately me and Sel did not explore it further, because as I said we were talking about something else so the conversation took a different focus...

But I would love to carry on the conversation now because I know this is just one male´s opinion and there are probably other males out there who have a totally different perspective. 

So guys help us BDSS´s out with more useful insights into your babymother drama! 

We promise to be nice if you promise to be honest and tell us what is up with multiple children by multiple women, the BDSS are all ears…

p.s, We know it takes two to tango, so women feel free to jump on board with your comments! (and we are aware of the Urika Johnson´s out there guys so don´t think we´re male bashing!)

I Want To Be Your Babyfather...

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1313782/BEL-MOONEY-The-mothers-blame-feckless-father-15-children-14-women.html

After reading the above article about the alleged jobless & ´feckless´ man apparently responsible for fathering 15 children by 14 different women, I started to think about a chat up line I heard a few years ago…

Ladies picture this ...your minding your own business on a bus when a random man approaches you and after the initial conversation delivers the following closing line: ´I want to be your  babyfather´ (or maybe it was I want to be your ´next´ babyfather or something to that effect!).

Now going back to the article the author was at a loss as to what would make these 14 women end up pregnant by this man in the first place knowing that he already had 5.. 8.. 11.. or 13 children by 5.. 8.. 11.. or 13 different women? (It´s a mystery for me too- lol!);

And equally when my friend relayed the story of the  ´I want to be your babyfather´ chat up line I was also at a loss.  I was like ...really and you actually continued to talk with this man? ( I can´t remember if anything came of that chat up line - but I remember talking about it so there is a possibility that something did!).

Another thought I had at the time is what would make this random man think that by telling you he wants to be your babyfather he would 1) Get maximum results? 2) Think that you would respond positively to this line of chat and 3) Think that you might possibly become his babymother or at least get to start doing the things that result in babies being born! (again some more mysteries to be solved- lol!)

I mean who know´s how the man in the article swung it and brought up the fact he has a lot of children by a lot of different women to his prospective partners, but clearly (and this is just my personal opinion) the women did NOT mind! Or why else would they end up being babymother number 5.. 8.. 11.. or 13!?

I have been racking my brain for a good half an hour trying to come up with some possible reasons as to why any women would want to be and/or even end up being baby mother number 5.. 8.. 11.. etc and so far I have come up with the following:

1) This guy has some serious lady charming skills;

2) He knows how to spot the women who will respond positively to the ´by the way I have 5.. 8.. 11.. or 13 children´ conversation;

3) Or maybe he is just upfront and uses the  ´I want to be your baby father´ chat up line whilst approaching women on the bus! I can´t say why exactly but for some reason I feel like this is the kind of thing a man who already has more than one child with probably a number of different women would say! Do correct me if I´m wrong ladies (But I know I´m right! :-D)

I mean the article states the man is averaging one baby per year and he currently has 3 babies in the pipe line (I was really tired whilst reading so I could be wrong!)  not forgetting a current girlfriend who is also pregnant and talking about giving him a second chance! A second chance at what I would like to know?

So anyways my BDSSérs in order to make some sense out of all of the above can you all think of any other reason´s why a women would end up being baby mother number 15?  Also clearly these women have no children or babymother limits but I want to know- do you? (I think I draw the line at 10 children with 7 babymother´s - only joking!);  and finally  have any of you succumbed to the ´I want you to be my babymother/babyfather´ type chat up line and what was the outcome? are you babymother/ father number 10 right now? the BDSS would be very interested to know...

Idris Elba Appreciation Day

Has there ever been a man crafted as if he were the definition of Sexy itself?

He is dark, he is handsome, he has a physique to rival David Beckham! Lol - not forgetting he is a super talented television, theatre, film actor and a singer/producer! He also hails from Hackney of West African parentage (Debs, and fellow SL´s stand up)! - he is of course none other than Idris Elba!

Now I know I'm not the only one who appreciates Idris, so I've decided to have an Idris Elba appreciation day -yea!

Ok so the reason I have Idris on my mind is because I´m currently in Trinidad and Tobago and I managed to get myself down to the  local Caribbean Cinema to watch ´Takers´ (woo hoo)!

The film was excellent and had me on the edge of my seat from beginning to end! Not forgetting to mention the great cast of handsome men (TI, Paul Walker, Michael Ealy, Matt Dillon to name a few of the film eye candy!), it´s  definitely a film that the ladies can appreciate even if your not into action, crime & thriller movies!

I think its being released in the UK on 1st October so ladies go see it (and drool -lol!)

And if your wondering why on earth I´m in lovely Trinidad and going cinema... to cut a long story short; what was suppose to be a normal fun filled holiday planned for June had to be rescheduled due to my partner being unable to fly (health issues) and between then and now my partners uncle suddenly passed away.

So we are now in TNT but its under sad circumstances and we are staying with uncle´s family;  his mother, brother, wife and children.

I have to say it has been lovely and uncle´s family are (I don´t think coping is the appropriate word) but they are moving, waking, going to school, going to work,  moving day by day in a way that has blown me away.

I´ll be honest I kind of felt at first that I was intruding like they have been through so much and here I am coming on ´holiday´ but they have received me graciously even in their time of grief and I think it is a testament to God how they are moving as a family.

I mean yesterday we visited uncle´s grave and whilst I wanted to cry (just thinking about wow she has lost her husband, she has lost her dad, what the...?!), they were talking about uncle with joy, love and respect for the person he was - a son, husband, father & uncle... and as I said in my previous post The BDSS: A heavy one...  God has promised 'blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted' (Matthew 5:4).

So I guess what I´m saying is God is good, life is precious, you have to treasure the good times and understand that the Lord does not give you more than you can bear, and when you stand on faith and know that God loves you, well you will be OK... so with that said I wanted to have a fun post, one where we can enjoy and appreciate - hence the ...Idris Elba Appreciation Day! lol

So my lovelies what do you appreciate about Idris, life and love please share...

Skinny Bitches!

Ok, so it's now my turn to rant lol! Now, this is based upon personal experiences and is simply me exploring what is or isn't perceived as acceptable in this day and age.

'Prejudice': "an assumption made about someone or something before having adequate knowledge to be able to do so with guaranteed accuracy."

Baring the above in mind (and personally speaking), it beggars belief how some people feel entitled to make remarks about people who are slender and perceived as underweight, but would deem it rude or inappropriate to direct those comments in an opposite manner towards a larger person. For example, just how common are the following remarks:

"Don't you ever eat?!"

"You need to put some meat on them bones!"

"Why are you exercising, it's not like you need to lose anymore weight!"

"We need to fatten you up back to health."

Now, growing up in a predominantly African household, I got most of the above frequently because in some African cultures, you're simply unwell if you don't fill out your clothes from a young age. Admittedly, this has changed a little over the last couple of decades but I think it's more to do with what the Western world are finding popular rather than changes of mindsets.

The above remarks may not seem terribly shocking, but I feel that it's partly to do with the fact that you can walk into any workplace or family setting and hear it being said without much reaction to it - ok, fine! But now, I want you to now imagine the same above remarks only in reverse and directed at larger folk:

"Don't you ever stop eating?"

"Do you even have a collar bone?"

"Have you not heard of a gym?"

"Isn't it about time you thought of a diet plan?"

Let me guess; either your back has gone up or you at least thought "that's deep!" - even when such comments are not directed at you but you happen to witness them. None of the above could ever be said without some serious repercussions and rightly so, because it's just plain rude and out of order. So, what's the difference between them and the first set??

Unfortunately, many people find themselves presuming, prejudging and then assuming things about people or situations that they are not fully clued up on. Contrary to popular belief, some larger folk that I know are indeed content with their weight, healthier than most and have the confidence to back it up. On the flip side, not everyone who is a size 8 or under is starving themselves to stay that way or sticking their finger in their throat after every meal. In fact - I eat so much crap you wouldn't believe it!! But then I can have a month of little or no junk food and still weigh the same either way.

Where some of us are concerned, our natural weight is not actually a preference but a part of our genetic makeup, as it is in my case - right down to some men. My mother was always known for being quite slim but curvy and although I'm thankful to be a carbon-copy of that, we've found that putting the weight on is not always as easy as it sounds and add that to a high metabolism, it's like running up an escalator that's coming down!

As I've gotten older, comments like 'there's nothing to you' or 'I'm surprised you can find anything that fits' or 'you eat so much crap - your cholesterol must be sky high' has become increasingly offensive, especially because they feel free and happy to dish it out, but would run to whoever's in charge if I reversed the compliment. These comments are a lot more common from women than they are from men, who if they don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all lol! What I don't appreciate is people taking consolation in believing that there must be something wrong with me to be able to eat what I like and not look/feel like them!

Certain health conditions can also contribute to our physical statures. Over-active thyroids, diabetes and immobility are just some examples of conditions that can contribute to a heavier weight/weight gain and can be difficult to diagnose, treat and recover from. Whereas anaemia, low blood sugar and depressive disorders (i.e. Bulimia or anorexia) are other examples that at times contribute to a low weight/weight loss.

Whether we're rolly-pollies or skeletors, BFGs (as in tall) or midgets, geeks (the thick-rimmed glasses kind) or 'blondes' (as in the Brian Belo kind!) - we were all created uniquely and it's up to us to find out what makes us special. I did not choose to be how I am, but I've embraced it nonetheless. It may be more 'acceptable' to be slender these days but if you (like me) have always been naturally skinny since before sizes 6 and below even existed, chances we've also been subjected to similar issues as faced by voluptuous sisters.

These may be a touchy subject but hey - I've jumped in with both feet about one of my most touchiest issues! How about you BDSSers? Do people assume things about you based on your appearance and before having the decency to back up their assumptions or better still, ask you about it?

Dating from another race, with grace or disgrace?

I've recently come back from my hometown of Nottingham (Stann's girl for life!), and whilst there caught up with one of my dearest friends D. Over lunch as usual we caught up on lots of things until we arrived at the subject of interracial dating. We mainly reflected on Asian and Black dating, which is a big taboo mainly in the Asian community, who are renown for being very close knit and 'sticking together'. This got me thinking about what I would write in my next blog, and I thought interracial dating would be a good subject to address.

Statistically Black men are well known for dating and marrying outside their race, much more so than other racial groups. The reasons for this are vast and I am sure we'll explore this further in another blog post. The flip side of this, is that statistically the largest gender ethnic group to remain single or unmarried are Black women. This is a contributing factor to the extensive percentage of lone-parent households being among black ethnic groups. Forty-eight per cent of Black Caribbean families have one parent, as do 36 per cent of Black African households. Although I am well aware that there are many Black men out there raising their kids alone, of course a majority of lone parents are indeed women.

Well, I am not here to over analyse this situation and I am well aware that there are many reasons why people enter relationships outside their racial groups. I know many Black men and women who are in interracial relationships who are very happy and in love which is great! Finding a partner that you can love and share your life with is of course a blessing regardless of race. But there is one issue that I have when it comes to some Black men who date outside their racial group, and it is this - their need to justify it by belittling Black women.

The whole Black female race is not one entity, so why oh why do some ignoramus Black men do this?

It gets me sooooooooo mad! I've even had Black men (who admittedly usually date outside their racial group) tell me that I'm "Not like the rest" or "I'm a rare breed of Black woman" did they think that this would flatter me? When I've questioned a few men about why they don't date Black women I have often got the following responses:

• They are too loud, and always want to argue 
• They nag and females from other racial groups don't nag as much 
• They love the weave too much and I like to run my fingers through a woman's hair 
• I don't like the texture of their hair 
• They always want you to pay for everything, and don't know how to take care of a man properly 
• They're too big (I prefer petite women) 
• Black women are more insecure about their appearance 
• Black women are too stush 
• They don't know how to let themselves go in between the sheets 
• They are not as pretty as females from other racial groups 
• They are too controlling and don't know how to let a man be a man 
• Black women only notice a black man once he's with a woman of another racial group, until then he's just another black man 
• They are too much hard work!

Now the this list can go on and on and on, but I will summarise this in a video I watched via Facebook a few months back. It made me laugh that a man could be so ignorant, but listening to this BBC live phone-in also made me very annoyed that he could even go there and showed that he himself was blatantly insecure and had issues he needs to deal with like self-hatred!

I will share it with you but be warned it may rattle a few nerves!

I will reiterate that I have absolutely no issues with interracial dating or marriage whatsoever, but it's this blatant ignorance that really gets to me. I know there must be Black women that say similar things about Black men, but I've never met any, neither have I met anyone from any other race who puts down women from their own race to justify dating outside of it.

Now ladies and gents what do you think to this video? Is this a blatant form of self-hate? Or do you agree with all or some of what this man is saying? Over to you!!

X factor, bun n chesse and the delusions of wannabe singers

Sunday afternoon catching up with the x factor and by far one of the worse groups I have seen was called bun n cheese! I grew up eating bun and cheese so although I thought the name choice for the group was not really a good one for a wannabe female pop group I knew what the name was about! So I was I thought this is weird but cool at the same time.

So as I geared myself up for them to actually sing I felt like although the name was slightly off key, the singing hopefully would not be so bad.

I had hope for this group of 3 black female 19-23 year old's, they seemed so confident.

The backing track started playing and it soon became clear that no one had bothered to learn the words to the song and or the arrangement of the song who would sing what part and when. They stood on stage discussing who should sing “let's just all sing” or “I don't know the words” I heard them whispering while the track played and others hummed trying to start singing.

Needless to say they did not get put through and I am not sure if its a case that they could not sing at all (as no one started singing properly) what I do know is that they seemed to be very happy to go up on telly with a dodgy name and give all the big talk about how great they are, but they clearly never prepared for the actual singing.

Its got me wondering what makes these individuals who can't sing, think that they can sing?

And also what's with the whole bravado thing "we are so great" etc. Who told you that?

And also wa gwarn for the people who come out to support them, standing behind the stage with Dermot on camera! Myself personally I would not be seen anywhere near an x factor audition with a relative or friend who can not sing a decent note to save their life! Hell no! Far less appear on camera giving the impression that I believe in the singing abilities lmao!

I don't know if I am alone on this one.....lol!

Show's like the x factor always seem to draw out these crazy kooky characters! which is great for my sunday afternoon viewing due to the jokes I get. But I do wonder about how in touch peps are with reality lol!

What is your opinion bdss'ers should you support someone no matter how ludicrous their dream? If yes how far would you go? Would you allow yourself to be caught on camera? Lol!

Men, women and prostitutes

I'm turning 29 in a few days time and I was going to write a fairly innocent birthday related post.....but then I saw that Wayne Rooney has allegedly been with another prostitute while his wife was pregnant with his child... Which makes for a lot more interesting blogging ha ha.... So a complete change of topic, but after hearing the story I could not stop my mind from wondering about men and prostitutes!

The fact that men sleep with prostitutes is not news to me, growing up in hackney as is the case in many part of the uk, there is always an area or street and on a larger scale Holland a country! known for this activity.

Plus I can also recall being younger and seeing the picture shown on tv of Hugh Grant after he was caught being pleasured by Divine Brown in a car (he had a look in his eyes signalling he wanted the ground to swallow him up right away). Plus more recently we've had Abbey Clancy having to deal with Peter Crouchs' infidelity with a prostitute.

What I don't understand is the appeal of a prostitute.

As a girl when I got to an age where sex was on my agenda and since then now I'm a woman, the thought has never crossed my mind to go there.

When I think about it now, if I had a choice of being intimate with a professional plumber/lawyer/(insert any other profession) or a prostitute, I'd go for the professional plumber/lawyer/(insert any other profession here please) any day!!! Its wouldn't matter how hot you are!!

Don't get me wrong I know quite a few men who wouldn't go there either! Or maybe that's not something you tell your female friend, just as a random “so what did you get up to this weekend!" "Umm nothing much, although I went to see auld slapper" (the name used by the first prostitute wayne rooney slept with- are you turned on by this name? No me neither!) :O

So maybe that's not a realistic conversation to have.

But there are other men (and women) from all professional walks of life, with all different kinds of relationship status's. Who love prostitutes! Lol! It amazes me it really does!

Part with your cash for sex (You're a bit of a sad person if you ask me! Either that or ugly! Maybe ugly, desperate and lacking in the social skills required to get a date, progress that date forward and into a relationship to get something else...I really do not know!

So I asked a few friends of mine and the general consensus was this (and this is based on what they've been told from friends of friends, as the people I know are all good christians and have never been to prostitutes for sex:

" Its the opportunity to be able to pick an attractive woman that in no other circumstance you would get near and there are no strings attached to the whole experience!!"

Which may be true in Holland where its legalised. But then I was thinking that the same can not be said for a man picking someone up from the street. A prostitute high on drugs, vulnerable standing on stamford hill streets for example. That's not about being with an attractive unattainable woman!

I've come to the conclusion that its just about plain ole sex! It doesn't matter sometimes who with (Auld slapper! Divine brown and their many cohorts) and what's at stake (yeah I've got a wife and kids but so what! ) some people just simply have no standards.

Shame on you Wayne Rooney!

This is just my opinion others may disagree!

Plus others may be more concerned with other issues surrounding prostitution.

So over to you bdss'ers...what do you think about wayne rooney, and issues surrounding prostitution In general.

Also should Colleen Divorce him?

Biting Your Tongue!

OH - MY - DAYS. This is probably one of the hardest things in my life that I find myself having to do on a frequent basis. Whether it be at work; "how are you today?" (com'on now, you really don't business about what's going on in my life), with your mum; "now, I won't tell you I told you so..." ("too late, genius!") or a personal favourite of mine; "babes, I was thinking we should ..." ("I swear I suggested the same thing weeks ago!!")

Now, I'm the kind of person that becomes extremely irritable during those moments I'm having to bite my tongue and the joke is that most times I'm having to do so literally. Most times, you try and act out a certain scenario in your mind to it's entirety and realising that it won't bode well to let your mouth run with the wind you do everything in your power to abstain. But then there are times when my teeth falter and my tongue runs riot and ends up giving the subject a regrettable lashing!!

There are many, many examples of this predicament in previous posts on this blog and I'm finding that the older I get, the more I find myself doing it for peace's sake. For example, it really does nark me when someone asks for your opinion, only to have already decided that they weren't going to listen anyways but what do you do? You . . .

Bite your tongue!

Since we spend most of our lives at work, many unrighteous incidents are 'allowed' as it would seem unsavoury or confrontational to react in the manner we would do outside of work walls. We witness a set of rules for us and another for the rest but what can you do - we have to put up with t (to a certain extent) because we want that cheque, so you . . .

Bite your tongue!

Being an elder of the family, some aunties/uncles/parents seem to believe that no matter how old we are, or experiences we've gone through ourselves, they always know best and have the answer. The worst ones for me is when this is done publicly and in front of other family members. Swearing blind she gave a CD to me at a fundraising event, my mother was relentless at telling me to unpack a whole heap of boxes as I must have misplaced it, because she knows she doesn't have it. She was so convincing she go me doubting my own memory and the other aunts/uncles/relatives almost scolding me for not wanting to aimlessly look for it. Needless to say, IT WAS IN HER BAG the WHOLE TIME!! But up until then, no one would have it because she said so. So what was I to do other than . . . 

BITE YOUR TONGUE!! (and man, was that hard!)

Now I'm sure I'm not the only one who has to contend with this on what seems like a daily basis. Everyone at some point has some real trouble holding their tongue but not for want of trying, it sometimes proves impossible. How much can you withstand? Or do you let your tongue rip regardless of the consequences (if so, I envy you!)

As Whitney famously said Crack is Wack! (unless...)

If you have read Bi's post on can men and women really be just friends? (by the way I´m a none believer)! then you will know that reference was made to someone being offered drugs in quite a humorous way (check it out here: The BDSS: Can men and women really be just friends? its seriously funny)! … However here at BDSS we appreciate that drug addiction is not so much fun!

So last night whilst trying to get to sleep I felt a little uneasy like...  I hope no one thinks the BDSS endorses drug taking! (we don´t, which is why Bi never saw her "friend" again)! Which then got me thinking about Whitney's Crack is Wack statement.

Now being someone who has never taken any sort of hard drug or illegal substance in my life, I totally agree with Whitney on this one , Crack (and any other addictive drug which causes dependency) is Wack!

… And I tend to blame all these drug taking celebrities (those singers, models & 'it' people) out there who may make people think otherwise and perpetuate the myth that taking drugs is somehow a good thing (I´m a non believer on this one too)!

Now don't get me wrong I love to enjoy myself and possibly party like a rock star as much as the next person... but the thing that stops me from the crossing the line (into drug experimentation) is the reality that ...I´M NOT A CELEBRITY …In fact, I'm just plain old Si! *sigh* …and when I think about how plain and irrelevant I am to this world... I imagine there would be some major differences in the consequence of drug addiction for me vs a relevant celebrity…

…So I've devised a list of the potential drawbacks for me on drugs vs the potential benefits or perks even of being a drug addled celebrity! I know your probably thinking perks? … What perks? …you better read on... 

1) Drugs ruin relationships and tear families apart… now imagine me hooked on drugs and the devastating effect  it's likely to have on my relationships…I'm least likely to gain new friends and the ones I already have would not want to remain friends (this applies to family too!) because I'm guessing I would not be very good company whilst high on drugs or coming off a drug high...

 ...now compare this to a drug taking celebrity…they probably gain a lot more fans/followers (ok, maybe not genuine friends, but a gain is a gain right?) with every drug scandal newspaper headline printed! ... which leads me to conclude...

...Drug taking benefits score: Celebrity: 1 - Si: 0

2) Drug addiction costs a lot… now imagine me spending all my money, time and energy chasing the high of a particular drug and worst case scenario I lose my family, friends, employment and roof over my head as a result of drug addiction… well I reckon I  would be quite seriously screwed! And if I had no money, family or friends (except maybe the BDSS!) well I think that would be just the worst!…

... now compare this to a celebrity who could probably make a few thousand pounds off a ... 'My Drugs Hell' news story!... (I mean whose gonna pay for my story?) … again I conclude...

...Drug taking benefits: Celebrity: 1 - Si: 0

3) Drug addiction is a hard habit to kick… now imagine me hitting rock bottom and wanting to get off the drugs… who, or what is gonna help me kick my habit? Bearing in mind my addiction has probably worn the patience of my family and friends … who the hell is gonna help me? No one that's probably who! …

... now again compare this to a celebrity who probably has a manager or PA, (or some over assistant)! on speed dial who could promptly  book them into The Priory for "exhaustion!" or some other celebrity rehab unit… me I got to go through my GP!  … and so…

...Drug taking: Celebrity: 1 - Si: 0

4) Drugs ruin your body both inside and out… now imagine me looking … (and I hate to say it) like a crackhead! I mean we have all seen people on drugs (maybe a family member, friend or just passing someone in the street) and the affects that drugs take on the appearance…let alone the health issues (constipation or open sores anyone?) …

... now compare this to a celebrity drug taker who most likely has a makeup artist, a hairdresser and a stylist well... It just don't seem fair they stay looking half decent, whilst I will probably just look like a down and out crackhead! … again…

…score: Celebrity: 1 - Si: 0

Not to forget the numerous celebrity´s who make frequent court appearances for drug related offenses who get off SCOTT FREE! (with their loophole lawyers)!… If that was plain old Si up in court every minute… I guarantee I would be given THE BOOK!…(i.e., Holloway prison)! ...

…CELEBRITY: 1 -  Si: - 0!!

Now I´m not great at maths but the above equals 5-0 in favour of celebrities! Meaning ... CRACK (and other drugs) is WACK! (especially for us normal people)!

So my normal people lets experiment... (not with drugs silly remember what Whitney said!) can you think of any other celebrity perks vs normal people drawbacks of drug addiction?

...go on... have a dabble in comments...

Wicked Women - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

After waking up this morning huge bump in tow, I soon realised that I was pissed off. Just like every other day my back was aching, and I was woken by the lovely Reu once again saying the few words he knows "How are you?", and "nooooooooo" not forgetting the adorable "hiyaaaaaa"and "cheeeessssseeee". Hearing him natter away soothed my temperament momentarily until the routine began:

1. Brush teeth
2. Get in the bath
3. Get changed
4. Make sure Ama has sorted himself out
5. Ask him to make his bed
6. Get Reu ready
7. Feed him breakfast
8. Sort out washing 
9. Wash dishes
10. Put breakfast stool that's been moved by old boy, back where it belongs
11. Pick up keys that old boy has dropped
12. Drop kids off to school, and the child minder

(All this before 9am) 

Now prior to point 12. I was on my way out, and knowing that I wasn't in the best of moods, I was told by the old boy that I had obviously gotten out of the wrong side of bed and I was acting wicked.

Wicked? Me? Never! Especially when I have done x amount of running around all before 9am! I think my mood is justified not to be in Stepford Wife mode!

This was obviously a stupid comment which I chose to ignore, but it had me thinking about the times I had been wicked, especially when it came to the opposite sex!

Ladies have you ever gotten into a situation with a man when he makes you so upset and ANGRY? Normally after getting upset I get enraged, and have been known to daydream about the acts of revenge I could inflict on the man that's crossed me. This usually involves their cars, scratching it up, pouring acid on it, smashing windows. I once even explained to a health care professional that I wanted to stab this one particular guy. Fortunately I wasnt sectioned and was relieved to know know such thoughts were normal considering the circumastances. Usually I've spoken to my girls and they have calmed me down, but oh no don't think everyone's got off unscathed!

I really can't divulge some of the most scandalous acts of revenge that I have inflicted, I don't even think it's left my own lips, but if 1 is very mild and 10 extremely bad (relaxer on the c*ck stylee) then my worst is around a 9/10. I sometimes look back and have a quite giggle now and again thinking did I actually do that? I must have been one maaaad woman!

Yep some women like myself have gone all out, I've heard of Scotch Bonnet peppers being spread over a mans crown jewels in his sleep LMAO whoa I love scotch peppers in my cooking but I know that can proper knock your block of - literally! Yep in Nigeria I was told about a woman who put relaxer on her husbands bits in the cover of darkness due to him cheating. RELAXER! Now I've had that bun up my scalp, today in fact and I could think of nothing worse than those chemicals penetrating that region! I've heard of a mans bits being super glued to his stomach, and of course cars being vandalised (if we can't get you, we'll get da car!). Email accounts being hacked into with naked pics, but who can forget the email that was circulated a few years back with a pic of a man who had a sexually transmitted disease and had given it to an innocent woman with the full details of the man, and the eye-catching subject header "WOMEN BEWARE!!!" this actually warned a friend of mine who was dating him at the time. I've even been walking down Kingsland High Street and seen wanted style posters of men that have crossed some probably innocent woman the wrong way, and chuckled heartedly at the awful pictures they put up for extra embarrassment.

But I must say through experience (although it's easier said than done) the best revenge for a woman or man scorned is this - getting on with your life and leaving that man/woman behind! Believe me there is no better feeling than not caring anymore.

Now have you ever done an act of revenge that you have stored in the back of your mind? Please tell! Perhaps I will divulge too :)

Can men and women really be just friends?

I was very tempted to follow on from Si and Deb's post of the music themes which brought back so many memories! But I thought I will come back to that another time.

Since I was 8 I have had male friends who were very close to me, the first being J. We were like two peas in a pod all the way through primary school, and then like most people we changed and grew apart when moved on to secondary school, although we do keep in sporadic contact to this day.

I now have a handful of male of friends that I know I could really rely on, and who are great examples to my boys of what upstanding men should be. For many many years we have maintained purely platonic friendships, which like my female friends have been built on trust, honesty and brilliant memories.

Well, I thought one of my male friends was all of the above, lets just call him K. I met K in a bar, and to this day I have no idea why I gave this man my number.  Perhaps it was to make a pretty rubbish night more interesting. Anyway I gave him my digits and didn't think twice about it, but he obviously did, and was calling my phone off the hook. I would occasionally answer and pretend I was my own sister (not that I have one) and say I was not available - a lie that can only last so long. Anyway eventually I spoke to him and realised that we had a lot in common, but I  knew I was in no way attracted to this guy. We went for coffee a few times, and that went well. I thought he had gotten the message that we were just friends, but when he brought out a beautiful ring for my birthday I knew it was time to set the record very straight, so I told him I was only up for friendship (but I kept the ring, and the a dress that came 2 months later).

He seemed to get the message and the next two years were great. He became a great friend, one I could open up to. He gave me advice about the opposite sex, and I would listen to his stories about the girls he had met etc without a second thought. Now one particular night I had planned to go on a date. I told K about it and began scrutinising me about the guy, but I didn't think anything of it and trusted he knew how men thought, needless to say I never met the the date.

About a week later K offered to take me for a drink, I wasn't so keen but agreed to come out for one or two. My intuition was telling me something wasn't right but hey I trusted him, so went along with it. We got to one of those totally over pretentious bars down the West End, and had a drink whilst trying to enjoy the commercial rubbish they love to play. After a while K asked me to come into a sort of Morrocan themed room. Hmmmm I thought, I smell something fishy and I was right to. Before I knew it the flood gates came - I love you, you are so beautiful blah blah blah, and then to obviously loosen me up, he tried to offer me some coke (without the cola)

I have never dabbled in such foolishness and never will, I was actually insulted that he thought he could even go there. It all made sense all his critical advice regarding men hadn't been for my benefit but for his own! I ran out of that club quicker than you can say what a b*t*h! I was so upset that I didn't know this person at all.

This was a few years back, and I look at this situation differently. Perhaps I was partly to blame, you can't actually delude yourself that you can force someone that fancies you into being a friend. Neither can you be greedy and accept gifts without some sort of repercussions. So ladies (and gentlemen) have you been in awkward situations with male friends? Can women and men be 'just' friends?

Think your way to orgasm

Let's talk about sex baby okay salt & pepa!

So I was reading in femail magazine last week, that there are women who can think themselves to orgasm (are you one of these women do tell?), so I thought oh yes this is a must read article, maybe they have included a step by step guide to achieving this (who wouldn't want to orgasm at any moment of your choosing, in the supermarket, during a boring telephone conference at work these are just some examples of places, you can probably think of more orthodox places ie in the bedroom but my point is that you could knock yourself out orgasming all over the place! All day if you had a day off ; ) that would be fun but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be, there followed an article talking about how a scientist has been investigating the female orgasm and how the few women that are able to bring themselves to orgasm by thinking, when their brains were studied they found that the same area's that show activity when a woman has a physical orgasm, were showing in these lucky thinking orgasm women yada yada yada boring!

No instructions were included at all :(

But it got me wondering how important is the orgasm to enjoyable sex? I read a lot of Dear Deirdre problem pages, and there is always a problem which goes along the lines of:

“I wonder if you can help me I can not orgasm when I have sex with my gorgeous boyfriend help!”

or from a partner saying

“my girlfriend/wife never orgasms when we have sex I worry that she is not enjoying it”

Surely you can have enjoyable sex without orgasming, there are indeed a percentage of women who we know can't orgasm. So why do women and some men put such a huge emphasis on it?

And also what can you do to ensure that you are having a great sex life regardless?

My advise would be that once you have figured out what you like and enjoy (vibrators, whipped cream, dirty talk, whips and chains etc etc), never be afraid to ask for it from your partner! Sex should be a bit of give and take.

And when it comes to orgasm don't feel like you have to fake it. Enjoy it! If it happens it happens! Alternatively if you want to explore making yourself orgasm there are plenty of books and toys on the market to start experimenting with ;)

Can my fellow bdss's offer any advise and how important is the orgasm to you?