So I was talking with some family of mine about life, love and relationships, you know the usual stuff...
Mistakes made, lessons learnt and future desires...
Things were going ok until we got onto the subject of someone who is very dear to me, and I mean literally this person can do no wrong in my eyes, for all what they have done for me over the years, I would defend this person to the very end!
Unfortunately for some reason the family member I was talking with does not hold this person up to the same level as I do, in fact I get the impression that they might quite be willing to throw the other person under the bus! So I,m talking Total opposite ends on the spectrum of ideas!
Anyway, we're talking about how the person that I adore has been in a very unhappy long term relationship and that even though at times we have both had conversations saying they should get out and there have been what we both saw as perfect opportunities to get out, they still stayed for what ever reason.
So there´s me saying no trust me I truely believe that if such and such (the correct finances etc) were in place RIGHT NOW that this person would definitely breakout and leave this relationship - and the reason that I know this is because this person tells me so near enough everyday (literally!)
So then my family memeber drops the classic line... well she made her bed, so she is lying in it! She must be getting something out of it... etc... etc.
Now what got me was not necessarily what this person was saying but HOW it was said... as if this person just had no compassion for what the other person might be going through... it was like a brick wall!!
To the point were there was a moment of tension in the conversation like ´nooo... seriously, trust me...(through gritted teeth!) lol
I just thought it was so cold, considering that the same person saying 'she made her bed...' was also at one point in a long term relationship which possibly was not the best for her, and it was the same women who she has no compassion for now who had compassion for her ... and I mean literally she left and knocked on her door with bags already packed and asking for help...
At the time though I was not able to articulate it... seriously think about it...
What if in your time of need you knocked on her door and she had the same attitude that you have right now... You made your bed, SO LIE IN IT! Where would you be if she never had compassion for you? and helped you?
My point is ...think, because everybody hits rock bottom at some point in life and it is at those times that we need someone to show us some compassion whether I made my bed or not!
So true, it seems compassion has gone out of the window and sadly we are becoming much more judgemental about peoples mistakes. However if someone continues to keep making the same or similar mistakes then they should make their bed and lie in it.
ReplyDeleteLol ha ha ha i can actually see it from both angles, but peronally most important is to be there to support someone when needed.
ReplyDeleteI try to put compassion and understanding ahead of judgements. My relationships have not been a bed of roses so why condemn others when i may actually be able to see and understand why they are putting themslves in a particular situation in the first place.
Everyone knows that when it comes to personal relationships people make jacked up decisions, it life its nothing new, so why act so shcoked, surprised, or incredulous about it! offer support when needed, but other than that try and respect grown folks being grown folks lol!
Try and respect grown folks being grown folks, I love it! Teehee!
ReplyDeleteI guess I can see both sides as well but as I said I'm slightly biased about my family member so I can't really have that sort of attitude, but if it was someone else maybe I might be heartless!
I also see both points of view, having been on both sides of the coin in the past, as I'm sure many others have been. The family member (as a friend) should try to use their own previous difficulties and experiences to empathise and support the friend as well as use it as a tool of encouragement to usher them into the right direction, or at least lovingly help them to see what they may or may not wish to see.
ReplyDeleteAnd from the other perspective, it is quite possible that the friend is fully aware of the situation they're in and is simply not ready to admit to it or change it yet. And maybe they have their reasons beyond the family member's understanding. It is understandable why some people could become angry at what's perceived to be denial, especially if (as a friend) you cry and suffer with them when they are. But then, grown folks are grown folks and have to be respected for making their own choices, however difficult, even if they end up being wrong ones.
I think people tend to that, when they are going through issues it the end of the world, but when someone they know is going through a similar issue and they are back on their feet they are quick to forget the trauma of what the situation feels like. It's like that old adage "When you are in need or dying you call on the Most High but when things are going well some of us forget to give thanks". But at the same time when you hear the same person playing the same old record and not learning or growing from experience sometimes we all loose patience. I've done it myself, gone around in circles until someone just said to me (out of love) get a grip!! He is not the only man on the face of the Earth and he's treating you badly and you need to take back control. This forced me to take a long look at myself and how I was handling the situation and address the issues I had trapped MYSELF in.
ReplyDeleteThat is a deep adage girl! lol
ReplyDelete