He Won’t Love Me If I Put On Weight…

We have all heard men are ‘visual creatures’ and I honestly think women are too.  


Therefore it’s likely the reason you got with your significant other (and he you!); had something to do with physical appearance; and if you don’t believe me, please see the following: Male Categorising Scoring of Women... (Who knows you may have scored 2 out of 3 in terms of attraction and that is why you’re happily shacked up today!).


Basically what I’m saying is: it stands to reason if you were looking one way when you first got with your significant other, but during the course of your relationship you did the forbidden and let yourself go! It’s likely your significant other may not be too impressed with the new you!


I mean we have all watched talk shows such as Maury Povich giving ‘slob’ wives sexy make over’s; and I have also read of men who actually tell their women how important it is for them to remain the same size and the woman not only listening, but also obliging by watching their weight: My Husband Says He'll Divorce Me If I Get Fat...


Now at the time of reading the above article I did think to myself …I would not like that kind of pressure! L
I mean we all know what happens when we’re in love... I for one have put on a few extra inches due to having nice meals and cuddling on the sofa rather than going to the gym. Plus her husband is not exactly slim himself, so some might think what a cheek! Ha-ha


However I also got the sense the lady in the article actually took pride in her appearance and she felt better being her particular size (at almost 40)... Or is it she’s bowing to the pressure from her husband?


More recently I had a conversation with a lovely older lady who basically said when you are married you don’t want to be ‘offensive’ to your husband and you have to keep a ‘certain standard’. I was like what? Offensive really! :-D


I would like to add, she also said she had a really lovely husband, so I did not get the impression she was keeping to a certain standard under duress or anything.


I got the impression she really believes in not letting yourself go once married (for the benefit of the post we’ll include non-married couples as well).


So what do you think BDSS’ers… is the older lady right, must you maintain a certain standard when in a relationship? Or is the husband from the article wrong for being so vocal?
How important is keeping up appearances once you are in a relationship? Also if your significant other says I’ll love if you gain a little weight (ala Musiq Soulchild) would you believe them?  


Weigh in... 

Rastamouse... the childrens show we love (it's not racist!)

Although I don’t have a child under 5, I did take the time to watch an episode of Rasta mouse.

This was after reading up about the complaints and allegations of it being racist, stereotyping, and offensive…

Rastamouse provokes complaints of racism and teaching bad language...

Now my honest opinion…I loved it!  

Sure there were something’s particularly around the dress of the characters and the mannerisms that I thought were a bit iffy (for lack of a better word).

However overall I think it is great to have a superhero of which young British children of African-Caribbean heritage can relate to (as well as other none African –Caribbean children).

Also to have African-Caribbean culture represented on mainstream TV; and in a positive light is bloody brilliant. So I say bravo to the authors of the book, the BBC, Reggie Yates and crew for bringing it all together!

I mean the story line was wonderful (cheese went missing, Rasta mouse and crew set up an operation to catch the theft, the theft repented and made good); it was not only about solving a mystery, it had forgiveness and redemption, plus reggae music all wrapped up into one cosy 15 minute (or so) episode, and I can’t see anything wrong with that.

Now if you did not know, the Rasta Mouse books have been around for years; so why no one complained then is a mystery. It’s probably because in book form it only appealed to a certain demographic; however now it is on mainstream TV people has a problem with it!

Now to address the problems which I have read about in the many articles:

1) Levi Roots (of reggae reggae sauce fame) took a not so good view of the Rasta being portrayed as a mouse; as a Rasta man he would have preferred a Lion.

2) There was a mother on mumsnet who was afraid that if her white child was to call a ‘none white’ child a ‘Rasta’ that it might be taken as an insult.

3) There are conspiracy theorists who think that the cheese is a reference for marijuana;

4) Some parents are afraid of the use of patois or slang in the programme…

Well I say Pish Posh!

The show is true to its premise: ‘a bad thing turned good’ and on the Rasta Mouse website it does not say its going to represent true Rasta culture, fight racism, prejudice or fight stereotypes. It’s a children’s programme focused on being educational and fun; whilst staying true to the Rasta Mouse books it has been adapted from.

Now address the so- called problems…

1) I would rather have a positive, crime fighting, uplifting, peace-loving Rasta Mouse than no Rasta at all portrayed on mainstream TV; and I think Levi Roots did concede it is better than nothing.

2) I would rather my own black child be called a ‘Rasta’ in reference to Rasta mouse (a positive character) rather than being called any of the other names he has been called by random white children over the years.

Also I think it boils down to you as a parent and what you teach your child about other races/cultures, because to be called a ‘Rasta’ (or any other minority non white group name/reference) is not an insult unless you think it is, and intend to use it as such.

3) Regarding the complaints about the patois or ‘slang’ there are people in the world who actually speak in Patois and use the ‘slang’, which is why it is important that the show does not dumb down for the sake of a few.

Also you only have to read some of the comments after the articles about Rasta Mouse to know that people are not ignorant to Patois and ‘Slang’.

There’s a plethora of patois and slang in the comments section.

 So lets be realistic unless your child lives in a bubble with no contact with other races/cultures etc… they will know and use slang at some point; even if only to use as an insult!

4) As for the conspiracy theorist- I think that possibly they themselves must be smoking too much marijuana!

So anyways BDSS’ers what do you think? Rasta Mouse Racist, stereotypical and offensive?

Yah Man... speak your peace!

Happy Valentines Day BDSS'ers... A Valentines Gift for you!

Happy valentines day all you lovers out there!

Apologies that I am coming to you so late with this, I was busy working and just getting on with my day. You see this year valentines day has been called off! No point in fussing over today if you're single like moi!

But for all of you loved up couples out there I thought I'd give you a mixtape with some sexy reggae tunes to bring in your valentines day evening/night with a bang courtesy of mixtapepage.com:

Ruan Legend - Valentine's Day Cure

and another from Ruan Legend

Reggae Valentine Mix Number 2

Enjoy... <3

Fakery and Fu*kery ...Is honesty the best policy?

The other day my son was on the laptop chatting to his friends on good old Face book. Being the caring responsible and darn right nosey parent that I am, I looked over his shoulder and read his messages. He was looking a little worried, and I wanted to know what was wrong. He then went on to tell me he had called his best friends girlfriend ‘honey’ by accident (I’m not sure how you do that, but he’s 9 so I’ll let him off). He then proceeded to tell his friend what he had done. I was just about to say “No son, don’t make matters worse” when I stopped myself. My son was being honest, an honest young boy of 9 going on 10, and I should be proud. I then got to checking myself, my own instinct was to lie, but what good did lying do? Then it dawned on me my son was teaching me a lesson that “Honesty is the best policy”. The next day at a mutual friends party, nothing was even mentioned about his little indiscretion.

I got to thinking about some of the men I’ve met, some of them must have been like my son all innocent and sweet, and then it happened – they turned into men! Now I know not all men lie, just like not all women tell the truth – cough cough ;) But I’ve run into some men that could talk a tail of a donkey- literally. The labrish as rolled off their tongue like another language, and in some instances I’ve believed him. “I will support you and the baby” is one major lie that the same man as managed to chat four other times with three other women and still hasn’t got a job to show for his hard biologically work. There was one particular guy I was seeing and I got the dreading ‘other woman’ call, fortunately for me I wasn’t taking this brother too seriously, so wasn’t surprised to get the fu*kery call when I was about to go raving with my girlies. The ‘other woman’ went on to tell me that she was pregnant with said mans baby, already had a son with him (I met this son two weeks prior) and she had seen his texts too me. Having learnt a rough lesson at 14 ( I will tell you at a later date) I have learned that if that man isn’t your husband, and you really don’t give a fu*k, denial is the best policy, so I proceeded to deny that he was my deep south llover and just said we were friends. Now if said man had been honest, yea he wouldn’t have got moi, but still we are all adults and I’m sure there would have been plenty of other women that didn’t care. Of course he denied it and gave me the typically “she’s crazy” speech but once he realised that I wasn’t having it, like a thief in the night he was gone. 

I’m guessing I’ve been that “crazy woman” to other women too, but hey as I said men lie. It’s interesting how some men tell you some sort of negative crap about their ex’s but then slowly but surely you realise what crap she had to deal with and that she probably wasn’t crazy at all, in fact you are for dealing with his crap after her. Just like the other women at the top of this post that went on to have 4 more children for a man that hasn’t worked in years, but hey these liars are good. They suck you in, and then when you wake up from your slumber, either they have gone or you want them gone. 

My favourite lie was from a man that was supposed to be taking me out for dinner, 9pm came and went, so I took myself in a vex mood to bed. At 4am I heard a knock on the door, and low and behold “G” was standing there panting like the dog he was. “I’ve been kidnapped and just managed to escape” WTF? “Yeah me and my bredrin went to shot some car, and we were just about to pay and the guy robbed us" pardon? "He locked us up for a few hours” urgh? “Yeah we escaped by jumping out the window”. Now there’s some men that you could believe, but G? If the name liar was actually a first name he should have been called it. To this day I don’t even know if his name was a popular name beginning with G.

So ladies, have you been told some whoppers? Please do tell!

Vybz Kartel Bleaching ...From Teacher to Bleacher...

I know I am over overly late with this one bdss’rs, but I’m going to give my opinion anyway!

Recently it has come to my attention that Mr Vybz Kartel aka Where me get me clarkes aka the teacher aka is now possibly a... bleacher?

Now to be honest I'm not really sure I should even do this post because I am by no means 'Up to the times' with the dancehall world, or Vybz Kartel in general. In fact the last time I even watched or took an interest in Vybz Kartel was probably a year or two back when him and Movado were at Sting and they were going back and forth... if I recall Vybz was in military garb and had his army around him, the personification of 'bad man' 

*I tell a lie my boyfriend has now schooled me on the whole Gaza and Gully history - I am officially 'Up to the times' and 'Sweet to the belly'

Anyways back to my opinion... despite not really following Vybz Kartel too closely in recent years to me he has always had this kind of bad man imagine, as demonstrated at Sting and throughout his career.

He is the personification of not caring and definitely not conforming (sticking two fingers up at the police and all that anti social stuff), going to war and all that etc.; so the idea that he is bleaching his skin is down right crazy to me and I'm sure to a lot of people!

I mean are bad men suppose to be vain?  Or at least ...that vain? 

Now whilst I can understand a possible bad man exercising and eating right to get that desired physique; or dressing a certain way to enhance their look (wearing Clarks and skinny jeans) or changing their hair style... but to bleach one's skin takes the idea of vain to a whole new level - is it self hate?

I can't fib, for me it kind of kills the whole bad man imagine he has built, more like badly insecure! 

Why else would he go from what I would consider a perfectly healthy complexion, to there I say it - looking like he has Jaundice! 

 

Seriously, bleaching does not agree with his skin at all and he actually looks sick.

I know I know ...recently Vybz Kartel has said its part of his 'new image' and also his skin bleaching is no different to when white people tan themselves... really?

As far as I'm aware everybody looks good with a little tan (not tangoed!). A tan can add a healthy glow from the lightest to the darkest of skins. 

Bleaching on the other hand is not so good and I can't even tell you who I have seen that looked better for bleaching their skin. In fact I remember once bumping into a women I knew who clearly had been dabbling in the bleach; and the result was red raw cheeks and pimply spots, which was not a good look at all!

I think its fitting that he himself has brought up tanning... because right about now he is looking the bleaching equivalent of someone who has overdone it on the sunbed; and I think there must be some serious skin colour issues in Jamaica which causes a successful, influential Jamaican dancehall artist, to not feel comfortable in the skin he was born with and the foundations possible lay down deep in self hate.

Also what kind of message does Vybz Kartel's skin bleaching send out to impressionable young people?  Lighter skin is better; you get more girls with lighter skin?

The video below is from 2008 so maybe Vybz Kartel is not doing anything new... 

 ... However in the video it did state the practice of skin bleaching was mainly found in the 'poorer inner city Garrison communities' so what purpose does it serve Vybz Kartel to bleach his skin? As I said above he is a successful artist, he has the money, the adulation and women falling at his feet, so why’s does he do it BDSS’ers? Also are there any bleachers out there who want to share why they do it? and is skin bleaching a sign or form of self hate?  

All thoughts welcomed...

Male Categorising, Scoring of Women...

It probably comes as no surprise that as I’m a blogger I read a lot of different blogs!

Lately I have noticed a number of articles regarding men having a thing about scoring or categorising women. I’m not sure if this is an American male thing, because the blogs I read are mainly American blogs or whether this phenomenon is worldwide…

The articles I have read range from men categorising the types of women such as: Ladies, What Number Are You …

In a nutshell, if you are a number 1 you are wife material, if you are a number 2 you could potentially be wife material; if you are a number 3 well... you are not wife material!

I have oversimplified it and it is possible for women to move between scores during relationships and a number 1 can be relegated to a number 3! lol

The two out of three rule Why Men Sleep With Ugly Women

Ladies listen up! If you got at least two out of the three of the following: Ass, Bust and Face and in any combination i.e., nice face and bust, bum and nice face or bum and bust (even if facially challenged) you are alright – yes!

Although come to think of it I probably only get a 1 out of 2, so no love for me! Moving on...

... I guess it got me wondering a few things:

1) Is it a universal thing…female categorising by men?

2) Do we women do it? And if so, ladies what are some of your categories, scores, grades that men fall into? Is there a male ass, bust and face equivalent that you subscribe to...? (e.g., he has a nice body, face and eyes or ugly face, nice body and nice eyes... 2 out of 3!)

Last but not least -Why can’t we all just be unique? (Oh wait very smart brothas explains why here…Your really not all that special)

(Another nut shell, women fit into 9 different templates! lol ... but the Champ did not expand on the 9 templates so ladies I guess we will never know what one we fit into!)

What are your thoughts BDSS’er? Categorising universal for men? Do you categorise or score when it comes to choosing a partner or do you view each person as unique and give them a try?

Signed: uniquely Si!

How To Snag A Wealthy Husband...

When I first read this article of how Kim Perez snagged her self a millionaire husband (see here: How to marry a millionaire -Kim Perez Style) there was a small part of me who thought good for her.

You see Kim compared her plight of being a divorced lowly chemist worker from up north, to that of someone trapped in the wrong gender! lol (apparently she was trapped in the wrong social class); so much so she dealt with her plight by reinventing herself.

Now I kind of admire the fact she identifed her problem (wrong class),  she identified what was needed to fix said problem (a millionaire husband) and she made the necessary changes to solve her problem (a few elocution lessons, a new wardrobe, erased northern past!) and voila -she is 9 months married to a millionaire.

Today Kim spends her days shopping, eating at fine restaurants, traveling the world and setting up her own tanning business (apparently shopping gets boring)... she is living the dream and as I said above good for bloody her! lol 

I mean what women (or man) for that matter would not love to experience the finer things in life? Truth be told I'm waiting for my partner to make his millions so I can live a life of retail therapy and fine dinning -definitely no work for me… but thats just my dream... back to Kim.


As much as I was feeling good for her, there were certain things Kim said in the articule that made me think hmm (dream or ...something else!)… which I will expand upon below:-


She changed her accent -  Now I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with changing your accent, I think we all switch up our accents or manner of speech depending on the setting; except in Kim's case changing her accent seemed more about contempt or self loathing: 'Northern accents make people assume you’re stupid and working class.' 

She continued:  'after six months (of elocution lessons) it was virtually impossible to tell I had been born in the North'

God forbid anyone discovering your from... (gasp) -up Norf! :-d

She educationed herself about the rich (where they dinned, travelled etc) - Again not necessarily a big deal; who doesn't love a good glossy magazine and keeping abreast of how the other half live?

A little deeper however reveals Kim might has some sort of social anxiety:  'I got books from the library on etiquette. I didn’t want to use the wrong knife or pick up someone else’s bread roll by mistake.'

Ok the wrong knife issue I can kind of understand because in all honesty I'm acustomed to a knife, a fork and a spoon (at the head of my plate) for dessert... any other cutlery is wasted on me; but to actually think I don't want to make the mistake of picking up someones bread roll? really... with that kind of pressure I don't know how she manages to enjoy all this fine cuisine she is dinning on...

(I can picture it now) Panic!! ... 'is this my bread roll ...or his?!' :-d

Moving on... She changed her appearance - this one is reasonable for someone trying to reinvent themselves. Want a rich husband? appear to be rich husband material!

She wanted to...'show him (her potential husband) she would be able to 'fit' into his world'. So she wore designer clothes and defaulted on an electricity bill or two to get those hair extensions.

Kim was 'speculating to accumulate' — and she knew it would be 'worth it'. She kind of reminds me of what the hip hop honey's do (invest in plastic bums, breasts & portfolio's) only Kim has actually arrived at her idea of sucess...

I think shes actually ... a Genius - lol...I'm back to saying - good for her!

Finally... She left her old life behind -  this is the point were I went double hmm (as in -hmm? hmm!?)

Initally she was vague about her past with her husband and did not tell him she was a lowly chemist worker (from up Norf!) living on the bread line; because as mentioned above she wanted to be 'seen to fit into his world'. However it seems like she does not really 'fit in'... 

'Do I feel like I’m still playing a part? In some ways, yes I do. I’m still careful to keep things vague when I talk to people about my background'.

Serious?! :-d

To me it sounds like she's ashamed of who she is, where she comes from, and possibly how and why she is where she is now? literally she set out to bag a rich husband to give her the 'dream life' she could not give herself (without him knowing that was what she was doing). Its kind of like deceipt!?

Also from the articule I can't really see what she brings to the relationship table? if you know what I mean? her husband has the money, the 'cool confidence' of a sucessful man. She's got a fake accent, good looks and an unspeakable past! (in social settings) lol

Also whilst she might be scoofing at her old family and friends 'mundane lives' at least they are unlikely to be ashamed to say  'ay up chuck' every now and again... (like a true Northern person- yeh!) to deny her roots must take away from the experience in some way me finks... not so good for her!

So anyways BDSS'rs what do you think is Kim living a dream or an illusion?! Are you planning on snagging a wealthy man… how are you going to do it? finally is being from Norf that bad that you have to deny your Northern roots?


*Also whilst no prenup is promising on her husbands part,  her telling the world (or atleast all daily mail readers)  she will leave 'with what she came with' if the relationship goes askew (whilst noble) is ...very stupid! :-d