What is it with gorgeous, successful women such as Halle Berry, J-lo and Jennifer Aniston (to name a few) who appear to have it all (successful careers, copious amounts of money, gorgeous children, Hollywood friends, and did I say gorgeous already) yet they appear to 'fail' in love?
The latest victim of the successful women/failed relationship quandary is none other than J-Lo (multi talented actrist, singer, dancer and mother) who I'm sure your all aware has recently split from her husband of seven years Marc Anthony (see here).
In the article above J-Lo says she is a "hopeless romantic and a passionate person when it comes to love" in spite of that and for whatever reason; (was it her, was it him or both of them?) she says: "I love myself enough to walk away from that now"
She walked away and with that decision marriage number three bite's the dust for Miss Jenny From The Block (the same block as us normal women it would seem - despite the successes).
She walked away and with that decision marriage number three bite's the dust for Miss Jenny From The Block (the same block as us normal women it would seem - despite the successes).
Another unlucky in love yet successful women is Jennifer Aniston. Now Jennifer Aniston in Friends was the desirable one (remember 'the Rachel'); when she was married to Brad Pitt well... it speaks for itself! lol
Since she split from Brad Pitt it all went down hill. Numerous newspaper columns dedicated to Jennifer's apparent unlucky in love escapades. For some reason she just can't seem to make it last, at least that is how she has been portrayed in the media. Take this new relationship she is in with Justin Theroux they are generating a lot of media attention but not necessary the nice kind with titles such as Love at last and Therapy sessions so they don’t “ruin” their relationship it's all very cynical regarding whether it will last *quote: 'Has Jennifer finally got herself into a lifelong relationship?* (also some people are calling her a relationship wrecker owing to the fact that Justin Theroux was in a relationship for 14 years prior to Jennifer).
Halle Berry... the consensus is she is hot (getting better with age), academy award winning actress, former model, spokesperson and mother. Alas her ex-husband Eric Benet has recently remarried. Her abusive relationship with David Justice is well documented; along with her most recent breakup and subsequent custody battle with the father of her child Gabriel Aubry.
Whilst she is currently in a new relationship with Olivier Martinez (Kylie Minogue’s Ex!) she has talked openly in the past regarding her relationship 'issues' and accusations of 'crazy women syndrome' (you know when men say 'you are crazy!' and it sticks) have followed Ms Berry for some years now although not substantiated.
All of the above got me wondering why do such beautiful and successfulwomen appear to struggle to develop long lasting relationships?
Three things popped out to me as I was reading up on their 'failed' relationships:
1) Broken Homes (In the case of Halle and Jennifer) - Both were brought up in homes in which their parent's we're separated. After Jennifer Aniston split from Brad Pitt in 2005 she was quoted as saying her marriage brought up memories of her parents stormy relationship and subsequent divorce and she felt "fear, mistrust, doubt and insecurities" during her relationship with Brad Pitt. She is also reported to have said "when your parents split up, it's impossible to delude yourself about fairy tale romance and happy endings"
2) Clashing Ego's - Jealousy, Envy and competition in a normal relationship is difficult to negotiate (or will be the death of any normal relationship). Coupled with your lives played out in the limelight I'm guessing it would be enough to send the most grounded people doolally!
A even more interesting theory I read suggested successful people (famous celebrities) did not get enough attention as a children, therefore they crave the limelight not only regarding their careers but also in a relationship; and not just attention but also adoration and praise which can be difficult to give if the other partner is not as successful hence the jealousy, envy and competition.
A even more interesting theory I read suggested successful people (famous celebrities) did not get enough attention as a children, therefore they crave the limelight not only regarding their careers but also in a relationship; and not just attention but also adoration and praise which can be difficult to give if the other partner is not as successful hence the jealousy, envy and competition.
3) Beauty Concept - My favourite suggestion is women such as Halle Berry, J-Lo and Jennifer Aniston are 'Beauty Concepts' or what I would call examples of the Halo Effect:
"The ‘halo effect’ causes others to assume that those who are more beautiful are also better in every other way as well. For some inexplicable reason, beauty becomes extrapolated as an indicator not only of personality, but talent and success as well"
Basically women want to be them and men want to be with them ha ha! (Sorry). Possibly the beauty concept does not live up to the reality and if you look beyond the beauty and successful careers (i.e., at their personal lives) on paper as pointed out by Necole Bitchy above Halle would be a 40+ single mum with a string of broken relationships behind her.
So I ask you this BDSS'ers can you think of any other reason's why successful women such as J-lo, Halle Berry and Jennifer Aniston seem to be unsuccessful at love?
Also is this a phenomenon that affects all beautiful people even those not in the limelight?
Finally is beauty really a curse and do you or someone you know suffer from beautiful people problems?
Finally is beauty really a curse and do you or someone you know suffer from beautiful people problems?
I always wondered why it is Halle Berry and J-Lo just kept going round and round with relationships. All your reasons are sooo true, especially the one about having 2 egos living in the same house! One that I concluded was that we including men all have expectations of someone who is physically beautiful some which just cannot be met:
ReplyDeletebeauty on the outside is not always equal to beauty on the inside
beauty is not 24-7 - the make-up and the gowns have to come off at night!
beauty is not equal to a confident and secure individual and we know how these people can wear a relationship down.
beauty is not equal to perfection.
Unmet expectations are the main cause of relationship breakdowns whatever the beauty factor!
But you know maybe they are no worse than us average Janes - look around and see how many 40 something women in our networks of family, friends, colleagues are in exactly the same situation; but average Janes don't sell papers!
Hi Rhoda, you are so right re beauty does not necessarily equal all those things, but I guess in a twisted way you kind of wish it did because us average Janes would have some hope! ha ha
ReplyDeleteThis was very interesting to read. I don't know whether coming from broken home does effect them it is possible but some how i think that is clutching at straws to build a case that they should be partly responsible for. Firstly celebs don't live in our real world, where the lines are longer, taxes do affect us, we don't have drivers, we don't spend stupid amounts of money on jewels, clothes, homes, eat in expensive restaurants and we don't have private planes.
ReplyDeleteMy point is they live in an “anything i want i can have and anything i want i can have right now world”. Relationships don't work like that no matter how rich, powerful, beautiful, successful you are relationship work the same way in our world as it does there's, its works on commitment, time, it forgoing certain things, meeting half way or even going a little extra, loving, respecting, submitting, qualities which don’t involve me first and I can get right now. When problems arise t doesn't just become a battle to save the relationship but a battle as to why they can't get their way because most often they do at snap of their finger.
It’s possible they find breaking up and walking away much easier to deal with because it’s something they can control and do at a snap of a finger. A) they’re is plenty of fish in the sea and B) they can get super duper quick divorces get loads of money from it and bang they move on, or just walk away. Not that i know what is going on but it feels like these celebs don't fight for their relationships but just leave and start afresh. However in certain cases Halle Berry being deafened in one ear by an ex may cause her to not stick around when things get tough, also Halle Berry has talked about being a mum so much one can't help but think that is all she may have wanted and in Gabriel she saw someone who she can possibly manipulate. J.Lo’s sense of being overly romantic can possibly not help you see love, marriage in the right way, i also feel like she wants to be loved or over loved, she is a strong willed powerful woman in her own right and to come down from that may be a battle for JLO, when she went out with Ben he just seemed controlled, he never seemed like the prime guy more like a laid back kind of guy next thing you see him in L’Oreal adverts and slick back hair as though she changed him into what she wanted, there always seemed talk about his parents not liking her and Matt Damon not thinking highly of Jlo.
In her interviews of late Jlo talked of being pushed around and not being treated right i can only guess that maybe Mark who is a strong Alpha male was too possessive and Jlo is a mean catch and looking at them together doesn't look as though it goes, however i think Jlo needed someone strong to sort of say yes you are beautiful but the whole world doesn't have to see you wearing short out fits all the time, and she became a lot more private, did less magazine interviews and almost came exactly what Marc wanted her to be however when she got American Idol the Jlo with fab makeup and short outfits glossy skin seemed to make a slow reappearance and i think Marc begun to fight a losing battle. I may be very very wrong off course but its just what i read when seeing these people.
These women are not in relationships with themselves there is always a man involved so why the onus is placed upon the women to make things work while the men walk away without any comment, is a bit unfair, it takes two to make a relationship work and as made for make up points out, Halle left a situation of violence and infidelity and J-lo may have left a situation where she was being controlled, then to leave a relationship is not a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteIn this day and age of quicky divorce's, and divorce parties, I think it takes two really determined, committed and like minded individuals to get married and stay married for life.
Submissiveness, despite success is key. Any successful marriage, between a man and woman is not a dueling contest and jockeying for the top spot.
ReplyDeleteIn a world today where we all feel entitled and empowered which is a good thing, but the reality is part of marital problems and divorces as aptly defined above stem from someone feeling they can always walk away and do not have to work on the relationship, the supposed easier solution.
I look back at some very abusive and trying relationships of popular music artists in the past that involved the entire legion of travesties but the woman anchored the marriage and persevered which brought about the change of heart from the husband.
Marriages are no longer till death do us part, but unions of convenience and approached, sometimes from self serving needs. When these are not met, then it becomes time to jump ship and go where the situation fits those things I pursue and my own personal happiness.
When you love someone more than yourself and do everything for their welfare and good and put that before you, it is not foolish neither being gullible. That is key in establishing a good relationship, marriage and a foundation to weather the difficult times. If you commit to the other person, and they to you, both fight to protect and preserve the marriage at whatever cost. Letting matters out in public does not solve a marital problem and yet to see a public involvement that has done so.