Dear rioters…nobody owes you anything (that is all - I got nothing)

It is hard to sum up what we have witnessed over this last week.

Some words being banded around regarding the recent London and other area riots:

Cuts  unemployment  disaffected  criminality  looting  parents  blame  youth  feral  lawless  riot  thievery  police brutality  BB

If you’re anything like me you lapped up as much information around what was going on (and where) from the television, newspapers, twitter, facebook, blogs and all the other social outlets of information to the point of brain saturation; where by it became just too much; or there I say it too depressing watching young people (our future?) looting the local shops for electrical goods, clothes and basmati rice.

Seemingly without a care; without regard for the consequences of their actions; not only for their own community but even for themselves (how else can you explain youth walking around so casually throwing missiles at the police and girls standing around chatting on mobile phones whilst watching Debenhams’s being looted).

The riots a result of the killing of a man by police… (It would be a different post if we were to get into the reasons why the riots started a symptom of wider social economical inequality or just pockets of opportunist criminality?)

Originally when I started writing the post I was going to write this:

 “…I was speaking with someone about it the other day and they said to me; even the people starving in Somalia had to walk to the rescue camps to be ‘rescued’, i.e., no matter how s*it your life is, no matter the parent’s you were born to, no matter the abuse/miscarriage you have suffered in your life, no matter the fact that nobody cared about you enough to let you know you are worth something or took the time to try and inspire you to be better than your circumstances the fact remains that in life nobody owes you anything; in fact there are people out there who have gone through the same things as you; maybe even worse than you but they don’t go on to loot; rob and steal; nope rather they choose to be better than their circumstances.

A lot of talk around unemployment in these communities, lack of opportunity and social inequality (children who probably have not had a job talking about taxes?) this saying sprang to mind.

Success Equals Opportunity Plus Preparedness.

I would ask the rioters who have talked about inequality to comment what are you doing to prepare yourself for success (when I say success please note it is subjective) you are moaning about your circumstances but what are you doing to change it to make your circumstances better?

So you have looted, robbed and stolen over the last few days but what has that achieved? so you have new flat screen TV your circumstances are still the same. You are still unemployed and still 'unequal' to the employed people (My take 1 attempt at adding something to the riot debate).

After reading the information regarding those who were actually taking part in the looting and discovering it was a wide cross section of society (not just the down and outs):

The Olympic ambassador for instance who on paper would appear to have a lot going for her; turned in by her mother and who has been splashed all over the newspapers.

The school teacher  

The millionaire’s daughter

See here: Non down and out rioters

For my take 2 attempt at writing this post to be honest I got nothing other than to say SM(damn)H!

It’s a good thing Sel might have something better to say in a later coming post… (Watch this space).

Ok BDSS’er so I have nothing at the moment; but what do you make of all the rioting? and the reason's why?

Relaxing: My Creamy Crack Addiction and Crazy Hairdressers Too!

My Bad Hair Days!

So I've finally taken the plunge! After inspiration from my fellow BDSS lady, Si, I got to thinking what the f*ck is going on with my hair!

Many moons ago, I had natural hair which I use to straighten with the hot comb. Every few weeks I would get the chair, cloth and pressing oil whilst placing the metal comb on the stove. This was the only way I could get around having straightish hair, because of my mum vehemently told me, there was no way I was relaxing my hair growing up. This process continued until 2001, when my eldest son was a baby. I no longer had the time to sit by the stove heating up iron combs and I also had concerns about the safety implications of having a baby around whilst doing this.

Suddenly relaxing seemed the most easiest option, I would have bone straight hair without all the fuss (or so I thought) and hey presto I'm good to go! So there you have it, after my first taste of creamy crack I was hooked. At this time because my hair had been natural for so long my hair was past my shoulders and was in an healthy state.

So for the next few years this continued, but now a few hours by the stove was replaced by 5 hours at the hairdressers, getting my scalp burnt by chemicals and being quiet a few pounds short at the end of it. It was an addictive cycle because I would always moan about the negatives, but rest assured I would be back in 8 weeks! Things started to fall apart when I entered a beauty pageant in 06, obviously the whole thing was mostly based on looks and so I wanted my hair extra perfect.

Instead of sticking with my old hairdresser I went to one that a friend had recommended (big mistake). I wanted extra length so decided to opt for tracks as a one off. I was pleased with the results and after a few weeks went back to my regular hairdresser to get the tracks taken out. To this day I don't know what the 'new' hairdresser did, but inches of my hair had gone! I was so distraught, especially as I had not opted for this change. At the time I was convinced it was my regular hairdresser who must have chopped off my hair when taking them out, and so went back to the new hairdressers, as I so wanted the length of own hair replaced. Sure enough I got it, and a few weeks later went back to the new hairdressers to get the tracks taken out, and low and behold more of my hair had gone! I now realised that it was the new hairdresser's! My friend who is the voice of superstition told me that I should never have let a pregnant woman touch my hair as they ruin it, and sho nuff the hairdresser was pregnant!

So I now had a creamy crack and track addiction! After a while my scalp began to suffer and so did my hair. Because I didn't weave my whole head and mixed my own hair with tracks it started to break and the tight cornrows at the back of my head which were pain to undo, courtesy of yet another hairdresser didn't help. My scalp also became a nightmare, since getting chicken pox at 21, it had become extra sensitive to relaxing. I still persisted though, until the itchiness, and scabs became unbearable. I decided to go natural because of it a few years back, but old habits die hard and after a year I was back on it. I went to two white trichologists, complaining of my scalp, and they both said it's because I was relaxing my hair but what they said didn't matter, I wanted that straight, easy hair, that was until this year....

After seeing Si's hair transformation I started questioning what I was doing, the scabs, the breaking hair, shedding of the weave were just all getting to me. By now my scalp was so sensitive I couldn’t even use normal hair moisturisers without them burning, let alone the relaxer. The final straw was sitting in the hairdressers chair for 5 hours and thinking what on earth am I doing? I decided I could no longer do this, I had hair thinning around the sides, burns on my scalps, straggly hair. This wasn't hair care, it was hair torture!

So here I am, it's been months since I've relaxed my hair, and I know my hairdresser is probably thinking where I am. I actually saw her in Dalston and quickly hurried past, I had been her loyal servant for years, but I came to the realisation that no one is going to take better care of my hair than me. She was like a dealer giving me the creamy crack I craved even though she knew full well my hair was just a shadow of its former self.

Don't get me wrong it's been a shock to the system having regrowth to contend with! I threw in the towel last week in regards to straightening the natural bits. With this weather it didn't stay straight for long, and no longer blended with the half weave wig that hid a multitude of sins. When I went to the hair shop the other day I no longer brought all the branded products, but chose organic products and natural oils which seem much more easier for my hair and scalp to adjust to.

I can no longer run my hands through my hair and find myself playing with it as though it was a long lost friend who's now returned. Yes, it can be unruly and I'm still adjusting to this new 'look', but hey I can now look in mirror and say this is me, a new stage is beginning! I haven't gone for the BC or 'Big Cut' yet because, well I just don't think my face suits short hair, but to be honest with these straggly relaxed bits making me look like a fraggle I'm not sure how long I will be able to keep them for anyway! Plus my scalp is in anti brush or comb mode, when doing my hair I feel like a child again wincing from the comb! It hurts, and I'm not use to any sort of pain when brushing anyway!

Don't get me wrong I understand why women relax their hair, and it can be healthy if treated with care, but my relaxing process was turning into a nightmare! So ladies have you had any hair nightmares? Do you prefer the relaxed or natural look? Could you handle natural hair? Is it a myth that natural hair is difficult?

Successful Women = Failed Relationships (Beautiful People Problems?)

What is it with gorgeous, successful women such as Halle Berry, J-lo and Jennifer Aniston (to name a few) who appear to have it all (successful careers, copious amounts of money, gorgeous children, Hollywood friends, and did I say gorgeous already) yet they appear to 'fail' in love?

The latest victim of the successful women/failed relationship quandary is none other than J-Lo (multi talented actrist, singer, dancer and mother) who I'm sure your all aware has recently split from her husband of seven years Marc Anthony (see here).

In the article above J-Lo says she is a "hopeless romantic and a passionate person when it comes to love" in spite of that and for whatever reason; (was it her, was it him or both of them?) she says: "I love myself enough to walk away from that now" 
She walked away and with that decision marriage number three bite's the dust for Miss Jenny From The Block (the same block as us normal women it would seem - despite the successes).

Another unlucky in love yet successful women is Jennifer Aniston. Now Jennifer Aniston in Friends was the desirable one (remember 'the Rachel'); when she was married to Brad Pitt well... it speaks for itself! lol

Since she split from Brad Pitt it all went down hill. Numerous newspaper columns dedicated to Jennifer's apparent unlucky in love escapades.  For some reason she just can't seem to make it last, at least that is how she has been portrayed in the media. Take this new relationship she is in with Justin Theroux they are generating a lot of media attention but not necessary the nice kind with titles such as Love at last  and Therapy sessions so they don’t “ruin” their relationship it's all very cynical regarding whether it will last *quote: 'Has Jennifer finally got herself into a lifelong relationship?* (also some people are calling her a relationship wrecker owing to the fact that Justin Theroux was in a relationship for 14 years prior to Jennifer).

Halle Berry... the consensus is she is hot (getting better with age), academy award winning actress, former model, spokesperson and mother. Alas her ex-husband Eric Benet has recently remarried. Her abusive relationship with David Justice is well documented; along with her most recent breakup and subsequent custody battle with the father of her child Gabriel Aubry. 

Whilst she is currently in a new relationship with Olivier Martinez (Kylie Minogue’s Ex!) she has talked openly in the past regarding her relationship 'issues' and accusations of 'crazy women syndrome' (you know when men say 'you are crazy!' and it sticks) have followed Ms Berry for some years now although not substantiated.

All of the above got me wondering why do such beautiful and successfulwomen appear to struggle to develop long lasting relationships?

Three things popped out to me as I was reading up on their 'failed' relationships:

1) Broken Homes (In the case of Halle and Jennifer)  - Both were brought up in homes in which their parent's we're separated. After Jennifer Aniston split from Brad Pitt in 2005 she was quoted as saying her marriage brought up memories of her parents stormy relationship and subsequent divorce and she felt "fear, mistrust, doubt and insecurities" during her relationship with Brad Pitt. She is also reported to have said "when your parents split up, it's impossible to delude yourself about fairy tale romance and happy endings"

Source 

2) Clashing Ego's - Jealousy, Envy and competition in a normal relationship is difficult to negotiate (or will be the death of any normal relationship). Coupled with your lives played out in the limelight I'm guessing it would be enough to send the most grounded people doolally! 
A even more interesting theory I read suggested successful people (famous celebrities) did not get enough attention as a children, therefore they crave the limelight not only regarding their careers but also in a relationship; and not just attention but also adoration and praise which can be difficult to give if the other partner is not as successful hence the jealousy, envy and competition.

Source

3) Beauty Concept -  My favourite suggestion is women such as Halle Berry, J-Lo and Jennifer Aniston are 'Beauty Concepts' or what I would call examples of the Halo Effect: 

"The ‘halo effect’ causes others to assume that those who are more beautiful are also better in every other way as well. For some inexplicable reason, beauty becomes extrapolated as an indicator not only of personality, but talent and success as well"

Basically women want to be them and men want to be with them ha ha! (Sorry). Possibly the beauty concept does not live up to the reality and if you look beyond the beauty and successful careers  (i.e., at their personal lives) on paper as pointed out by Necole Bitchy above Halle would be a 40+ single mum with a string of broken relationships behind her.

So I ask you this BDSS'ers can you think of any other reason's why successful women such as J-lo, Halle Berry and Jennifer Aniston seem to be unsuccessful at love?

Also is this a phenomenon that affects all beautiful people even those not in the limelight? 
Finally is beauty really a curse and do you or someone you know suffer from beautiful people problems?