It Wasn't Me ...Take Some Responsibility for your Relationship Breakdown

BDSS’ers have you ever had one of those days (you know the ones I’m talking about)…

You see my problem is I have a low tolerance for foolishness; plus I carry my gas money: http://t.co/Jlk1b78 (or petrol as we call it in the UK!)

This can sometimes mean certain people dislike what I say (which is fair enough) but not only that they give me more power than I’m due; casting me as the grand puppet master in the demise of their relationship!

Well the other day things got quite ridiculous, to the point that insults and threats were made (not by me); and in the midst of this I took to twitter and tweeted in a passive aggressive manner (as people on twitter do!):

“I should do a post entitled I am not the reason your relationship broke up, you should try taking some responsibility.” *grr!*

To which @CredibleJ of the great blog http://www.brotherswithnogame.com/ replied “lool I would read it” so Credible J this one is for you (kind of!).

You see this person took offense to something I said because I questioned certain behaviour and in the midst of all the insults flowing I said to myself, hang on a minute MATE!  I did not lie up in the bed and conceive the seed that ruined your relationship. It wasn’t me *Shaggy voice* how about you take some ownership?

Later on during the same day I came across a tweet by Tony A Gaskin Jr:

(Verbatim) “A Grown Man: accepts FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his life, points no blame and understands Purpose, Legacy & Love.”

Now if all of the above does not constitute a sign that I should do a post about FULL RESPONSIBILITY in a relationship then I don’t know what (a sign) is! 

So without further ado…

Responsible Definition:

Pronunciation: /rɪˈspɒnsɪb(ə)l/

Adjective

• 1 [predic.] having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role: the cabinet minister responsible for Education
• (responsible to) having to report to (a superior) and be answerable to them for one's actions: the Prime Minister and cabinet are responsible to Parliament
• 2 being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it: Gooch was responsible for 198 of his side's 542 runs
• morally accountable for one's behaviour: the progressive emergence of the child as a responsible being
• 3 (of a job or position) involving important duties, independent decision-making, or control over others.
• capable of being trusted :a responsible adult   

So let's say things have gone wrong in your relationship and your wondering why; a great place to start is with yourself.

A bit of self reflection in the form of some honestly answered questions will go a long way to healing some of that misplaced angst (towards others):

Did I pick the wrong person?
Did I ignore that sign?
Did I make a mistake?
Did I do something which on reflection caused the current outcome?
Was I the best me I could be in the relationship?

All of the above equals taking responsibility and realising that the answer lies within you (not me or anyone else): Being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it I will say I don't think the "be blamed" part is as bad as it connotes rather if when things are going good we're happy to take the 'credit' why then when things go pear shaped we don't want to admit our part? ('blame')

Mistakes in relationships are part of normal life but what we do when we make these mistakes is the difference between being morally accountable for one's behaviour or passing the buck! 

Some times we have to get right down to the nitty gritty exploring things within us that we don't necessarily want to admit to ourselves let alone the other party in order to move on.

Being morally accountable may require owning up to our own stuff (somebody almost went off with my stuff! lol); no amount of finger pointing will change the fact that we all have issues.

Again, a bit of self reflection in the form of some honestly answered questions will go a long way to healing some of that misplaced angst (towards others):

Was I jealous?
Was I insecure?
Was I controlling?
Was I scared?
Was I selfish? 
Was I a horrible girlfriend/boyfriend?
Was I the best me I could be in the relationship?

If you can't get to the root of yourself, how else are you going to guarantee that what you have to offer another person (or even the same person) is something good (or different?).

As Tony A Gaskin Jr said:

(Verbatim) “A Grown Man (and women): accepts FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his life, points no blame and understands Purpose, Legacy & Love.”

If you are not dealing with your life circumstances in the right way then you are not capable of being trusted: a responsible adult 

I guess the point I'm trying to make BDSS’er is if things always go sour in your relationships it’s likely that it wasn’t me, it wasn’t them… nope it’s YOU!  

Now take some responsibility!

So BDSS’ers do you carry petrol (sorry gas money)? Has it got you into hot water? Also have you ever dealt with someone not willing to make the bed they lied in? How do you deal with relationship break ups and make ups?

Breaking Up Is A B*#ch!!!!

I was watching the Cheryl Cole interview with Piers Morgan on saturday and the part where she talked of her divorce from Ashley Cole got me thinking that: Breaking up no matter what the reason for the break up - is tough. She seemed really fragile still when talking about it despite her continued success.

Have you ever been through a break up! Do I even need to ask? I'm sure everyone would have been through at least one.

Whether its that first love relationship break up from your teens or one where your much older, wiser and mature. Break ups are often painful, make you feel like crap (even when you know breaking up is the right thing to do!) and the killer, you always go through a phase of questioning yourself and your sanity! Whether you will ever be happy again (of course you will!) It absolutely sucks! It can take you to a dark, morose place.

I hate break ups! Although not more than being in a bad relationship (I would never recommend that), they are a necessary evil, you go through the process in order to move onto the "next chapter" whatever and with whom ever that maybe.

break ups can make you feel awful.

One day you feel like your coping, and then the next you keep on recounting nice times and places, his face errggghhh...its so annoying! Lol! Its like self-inflicted torture.

Is it better to adopt a Cee-Lo Green attitude a "f u" attitude to see yourself through the rough patch.

Or maybe its better to adopt a "It didn't work out but I wish you all the best" attitude.

The point of the post is to ask, have you bdss'ers been through a break up? How did you feel? And how did you get over it?