Make Ups to Break Ups

So here I am, finally ready to admit defeat.

I tried, he may have tried too in his own way, but we are just not on the same page.
Sure I can rant on today about why it came to this, the pressures that were against us, but sometimes you just have to exhale, let that go, and accept that we just were not compatible for numerous reasons.

One of the main issues that we had was the fact that he felt it was my role to be the main person to take responsibility for the home, and children, whilst he goes out to work, comes home and does (in a nutshell) nowhere near as much as me - the hunter gatherer complex. I have always worked, I'm currently on maternity leave, but I have always felt the need to contribute to the household income, or when I was single financially provide for me and my son. But still when I was working, I still felt like a slave to the home. Every time I said something I was nagging, and was confronted by what I will say was a chauvinistic attitude. If I wanted to go out after work, I would have to book him way in advance, yet it was nothing for me to receive a call last minute stating that he would be home late due to going out with his boss, a call that I actually received the night before I gave birth to our youngest child. Fortunately after a heated discussion he came home without a hangover, and without having to be confronted by my mother who would have let all hell break loose if he had had a hangover the morning I went into labour.

Anyway there I was feeling unsupported, having to do the chores for 3 children full-time and 1 part-time, whilst having what I call the minimal contribution from him at home, and also feeling that my own self was being pushed further and further way until I couldn't breathe. What happened to the woman that wanted to lecture and got into SOAS? What happened to the Publishing Manager? The Poet? The Creative Writer? Indeed these capabilities were still within, but because I was not getting the support I felt I needed at home, I felt 'I' was fading away fast.

Of course there is his side, he worked hard, and had stresses that I perhaps don't understand, but it seems it was my life that was changing fast, yet the acknowledgement that both our lives should be adapting to having three additional children in as many years (1 step-child each) should go both ways. I knew I would never be happy not sharing certain responsibilities such as cooking and cleaning, baring in mine there were 4 children to think about, and to me his way of thinking was old skool to the max. Yes I accept I am a woman and will probably take on more than any man, but at the same time I just cannot understand the logic of thinking that because you are the man in the relationship, certain things are beyond you.

Now we are apart it's hard, I'm not going to lie, but we were making each other miserable. We accept that I need someone who's hands on with everything, and he needs someone who understand that he's hands off!
So BDSS ladies, do you think it's right that gender roles are clearly defined like back in da day? Or do you think that we should chip in no matter what gender we are? Thoughts please!

Fakery and Fu*kery ...Is honesty the best policy?

The other day my son was on the laptop chatting to his friends on good old Face book. Being the caring responsible and darn right nosey parent that I am, I looked over his shoulder and read his messages. He was looking a little worried, and I wanted to know what was wrong. He then went on to tell me he had called his best friends girlfriend ‘honey’ by accident (I’m not sure how you do that, but he’s 9 so I’ll let him off). He then proceeded to tell his friend what he had done. I was just about to say “No son, don’t make matters worse” when I stopped myself. My son was being honest, an honest young boy of 9 going on 10, and I should be proud. I then got to checking myself, my own instinct was to lie, but what good did lying do? Then it dawned on me my son was teaching me a lesson that “Honesty is the best policy”. The next day at a mutual friends party, nothing was even mentioned about his little indiscretion.

I got to thinking about some of the men I’ve met, some of them must have been like my son all innocent and sweet, and then it happened – they turned into men! Now I know not all men lie, just like not all women tell the truth – cough cough ;) But I’ve run into some men that could talk a tail of a donkey- literally. The labrish as rolled off their tongue like another language, and in some instances I’ve believed him. “I will support you and the baby” is one major lie that the same man as managed to chat four other times with three other women and still hasn’t got a job to show for his hard biologically work. There was one particular guy I was seeing and I got the dreading ‘other woman’ call, fortunately for me I wasn’t taking this brother too seriously, so wasn’t surprised to get the fu*kery call when I was about to go raving with my girlies. The ‘other woman’ went on to tell me that she was pregnant with said mans baby, already had a son with him (I met this son two weeks prior) and she had seen his texts too me. Having learnt a rough lesson at 14 ( I will tell you at a later date) I have learned that if that man isn’t your husband, and you really don’t give a fu*k, denial is the best policy, so I proceeded to deny that he was my deep south llover and just said we were friends. Now if said man had been honest, yea he wouldn’t have got moi, but still we are all adults and I’m sure there would have been plenty of other women that didn’t care. Of course he denied it and gave me the typically “she’s crazy” speech but once he realised that I wasn’t having it, like a thief in the night he was gone. 

I’m guessing I’ve been that “crazy woman” to other women too, but hey as I said men lie. It’s interesting how some men tell you some sort of negative crap about their ex’s but then slowly but surely you realise what crap she had to deal with and that she probably wasn’t crazy at all, in fact you are for dealing with his crap after her. Just like the other women at the top of this post that went on to have 4 more children for a man that hasn’t worked in years, but hey these liars are good. They suck you in, and then when you wake up from your slumber, either they have gone or you want them gone. 

My favourite lie was from a man that was supposed to be taking me out for dinner, 9pm came and went, so I took myself in a vex mood to bed. At 4am I heard a knock on the door, and low and behold “G” was standing there panting like the dog he was. “I’ve been kidnapped and just managed to escape” WTF? “Yeah me and my bredrin went to shot some car, and we were just about to pay and the guy robbed us" pardon? "He locked us up for a few hours” urgh? “Yeah we escaped by jumping out the window”. Now there’s some men that you could believe, but G? If the name liar was actually a first name he should have been called it. To this day I don’t even know if his name was a popular name beginning with G.

So ladies, have you been told some whoppers? Please do tell!

Breaking Up Is A B*#ch!!!!

I was watching the Cheryl Cole interview with Piers Morgan on saturday and the part where she talked of her divorce from Ashley Cole got me thinking that: Breaking up no matter what the reason for the break up - is tough. She seemed really fragile still when talking about it despite her continued success.

Have you ever been through a break up! Do I even need to ask? I'm sure everyone would have been through at least one.

Whether its that first love relationship break up from your teens or one where your much older, wiser and mature. Break ups are often painful, make you feel like crap (even when you know breaking up is the right thing to do!) and the killer, you always go through a phase of questioning yourself and your sanity! Whether you will ever be happy again (of course you will!) It absolutely sucks! It can take you to a dark, morose place.

I hate break ups! Although not more than being in a bad relationship (I would never recommend that), they are a necessary evil, you go through the process in order to move onto the "next chapter" whatever and with whom ever that maybe.

break ups can make you feel awful.

One day you feel like your coping, and then the next you keep on recounting nice times and places, his face errggghhh...its so annoying! Lol! Its like self-inflicted torture.

Is it better to adopt a Cee-Lo Green attitude a "f u" attitude to see yourself through the rough patch.

Or maybe its better to adopt a "It didn't work out but I wish you all the best" attitude.

The point of the post is to ask, have you bdss'ers been through a break up? How did you feel? And how did you get over it?