I tried, he may have tried too in his own way, but we are just not on the same page.
Sure I can rant on today about why it came to this, the pressures that were against us, but sometimes you just have to exhale, let that go, and accept that we just were not compatible for numerous reasons.
One of the main issues that we had was the fact that he felt it was my role to be the main person to take responsibility for the home, and children, whilst he goes out to work, comes home and does (in a nutshell) nowhere near as much as me - the hunter gatherer complex. I have always worked, I'm currently on maternity leave, but I have always felt the need to contribute to the household income, or when I was single financially provide for me and my son. But still when I was working, I still felt like a slave to the home. Every time I said something I was nagging, and was confronted by what I will say was a chauvinistic attitude. If I wanted to go out after work, I would have to book him way in advance, yet it was nothing for me to receive a call last minute stating that he would be home late due to going out with his boss, a call that I actually received the night before I gave birth to our youngest child. Fortunately after a heated discussion he came home without a hangover, and without having to be confronted by my mother who would have let all hell break loose if he had had a hangover the morning I went into labour.
Anyway there I was feeling unsupported, having to do the chores for 3 children full-time and 1 part-time, whilst having what I call the minimal contribution from him at home, and also feeling that my own self was being pushed further and further way until I couldn't breathe. What happened to the woman that wanted to lecture and got into SOAS? What happened to the Publishing Manager? The Poet? The Creative Writer? Indeed these capabilities were still within, but because I was not getting the support I felt I needed at home, I felt 'I' was fading away fast.
Of course there is his side, he worked hard, and had stresses that I perhaps don't understand, but it seems it was my life that was changing fast, yet the acknowledgement that both our lives should be adapting to having three additional children in as many years (1 step-child each) should go both ways. I knew I would never be happy not sharing certain responsibilities such as cooking and cleaning, baring in mine there were 4 children to think about, and to me his way of thinking was old skool to the max. Yes I accept I am a woman and will probably take on more than any man, but at the same time I just cannot understand the logic of thinking that because you are the man in the relationship, certain things are beyond you.
Now we are apart it's hard, I'm not going to lie, but we were making each other miserable. We accept that I need someone who's hands on with everything, and he needs someone who understand that he's hands off!
So BDSS ladies, do you think it's right that gender roles are clearly defined like back in da day? Or do you think that we should chip in no matter what gender we are? Thoughts please!
