What Not to Do When Trying to Win Back an Ex...

"I Want You Back!"

Ok, I'll admit from the start I'm no expert and we all know the path of love runs many different course's and what one person will be prepared to put up with and forgive another person won't.  Please note I am in no way saying if you don't do XYZ below your ex is putty in your hands. NOPE please remember whether you think your entitled to another chance or not; everyone (both male and female) has a right to say au revoir and ultimately a reasonable person as much as it hurts will move on because as MadeForMakeUp recently said not every person is for every season and if you handle yourself correctly your likely to move on to hopefully nicer things.
 
Now there are two reasons I'm doing this post, firstly; the other day I was speaking to a close friend of mine regarding his break up and he was discussing certain issues around it, such as his ex finding the breakup very difficult, 'blaming him' and making him feel like the 'bad person' for not wanting to give it another try (after trying a number of times) and also as they are both moving on her going out and being in certain situations with other men and then coming back and blaming him still, in essence putting the nail in the coffin through her own actions post split.

Second, in light of Sel's recent post:The BDSS: BBM, Whatsapp and Text Dating Worries in which an interesting comment was left about a break up. Both these instances got me thinking hmm do people really do that? Also if my ex came at me like that it's likely I would be saying au revoir  (and probably a lot of other people too haha!)

So without further ado:

1) Don't brag about the amount of women (or men) you have bagged since the split to the one your trying to win back (even if it's been a lot!) the comment was:

'The dating game gets kinda mazy, new found wealth but yet im still lazy, is it me or my money they want its all shady.
My posts got em sayin annoymous is crazy, a sign of success look at what it did to Amy
Lost the one i love so yeah i felt defeated, bbm and whats app yeah i got deleted
50 bags bagged but still feel depleted
So on date nights I show off and get Boasy
drink nuff get drunk to hide that im lonely
coz there backoffs may big and breast a spectacular view
But deep down I know that they aint you.'

Now on first glance and with that ending "but deep down I know they ain't you" I'll admit I thought it was a strange response to the topic being addressed but kind of sweet.  However when I went back and analysed the words I though hang on a minute... is the rap actually saying how many women with big butts and spectacular breasts they've had post split?  Plus P Diddy problems? (i.e., new wealth= not knowing if these new women want them for themselves or their money).

I though to myself cor... thats not something to be telling an ex, even if you add in that last line 'they are not you' ... I mean what person does not want to be the choosen one out of a beevy of fine breasted beauties? or the male equivalent of fine-ness did some one say Idris?...woop!


Anyway I got to say... nobody I repeat ...NOBODY wants to know that their ex has been banging lot's of other people whilst trying to get back with them no.1, and no.2, bragging and self pity is not endearing.


Moving on...
2) Don't switch up on them - I mean how off putting it must be to have someone turn into Jekyl and Hyde whilst trying to win you back. I had a friend whose ex partner used to whisper 'I love you' in one breathe and then 'You Bitch' in the next. It does not really show the stability of mind to say I'm going to want to give it another try which leads me to my next point...

3) Be Real - Instead of singing a sea of 'woe is me' be honest about where you went wrong, why you went wrong and how your going to use the knowledge if in the event they take you back (unlikely if you have done no.1 or 2) no one wants to go back to the same situation they have just left unless it has significantly changed and all previous issues have been worked through and dealt with. Now if your still feeling sorry for yourself it's highly likely you got a lot more work to do.

Obviously what ever problems there were in the relationship needs to be ironed out by both parties otherwise you'll end up doing the same old same old and being miserable.

So there you have it BDSS'ers just a few tips of what not to do in the pursuit of rekindling the love of an ex.  Can you think of anymore?

Breaking Up Is A B*#ch!!!!

I was watching the Cheryl Cole interview with Piers Morgan on saturday and the part where she talked of her divorce from Ashley Cole got me thinking that: Breaking up no matter what the reason for the break up - is tough. She seemed really fragile still when talking about it despite her continued success.

Have you ever been through a break up! Do I even need to ask? I'm sure everyone would have been through at least one.

Whether its that first love relationship break up from your teens or one where your much older, wiser and mature. Break ups are often painful, make you feel like crap (even when you know breaking up is the right thing to do!) and the killer, you always go through a phase of questioning yourself and your sanity! Whether you will ever be happy again (of course you will!) It absolutely sucks! It can take you to a dark, morose place.

I hate break ups! Although not more than being in a bad relationship (I would never recommend that), they are a necessary evil, you go through the process in order to move onto the "next chapter" whatever and with whom ever that maybe.

break ups can make you feel awful.

One day you feel like your coping, and then the next you keep on recounting nice times and places, his face errggghhh...its so annoying! Lol! Its like self-inflicted torture.

Is it better to adopt a Cee-Lo Green attitude a "f u" attitude to see yourself through the rough patch.

Or maybe its better to adopt a "It didn't work out but I wish you all the best" attitude.

The point of the post is to ask, have you bdss'ers been through a break up? How did you feel? And how did you get over it?