The T stamp…(What you call me?)

That’s right today we’re talking Tramp Stamp… the notion that any women (or man!) who has a tattoo on the lower back is a Tramp! 

"What you call me? what ya, what ya... what ya call me? ”  - Otis Redding!

My inspiration for this post …an article in Femail with the heading: ‘Nice Tramp Stamp Cheryl!’

Cheryl Cole's Back Tattoo Design

The article was referring to Cheryl Cole deputing her new lower back tattoo at the National TV Awards which took place a few nights ago.

Cheryl had on a dress, which was designed to flaunt that butterfly/tribal tattoo to perfection (and good for her!)… But does that make her a tramp?

Well… the comments on Femail ranged from ‘tramp stamp’ and ‘why do women defile their bodies with hideous tattoos’ to ‘stunning’ and ‘the tramp stamp was a degrading headline’

I got to agree with that last comment because I do not believe in anyway that just because someone has a tattoo on their lower back it automatically makes them a tramp… that term is so old fashioned anyways… who uses that term anymore?

Also whether someone is a tramp or not is really defined by their behaviour rather than their choice of body art.

Although I must admit in my time I have seen some questionable lower back tattoos (Backsh*ts and No entry come to mind! :-D), which may send out a certain message about the person …

*The no entry tattoo was on a guy who could shake his booty with the best of them! lol (I thought my eyes were deceiving me at first!) :-D

Now whilst I can’t speak for those people’s choice of tattoos, I will say that all of us here at the BDSS have been inked at some point in our lives… some of us have more than one tattoo and in fact two of us have one on our lower backs… does that make us tramps? I think if you have read the BDSS the answer should be a resounding NO! (Hopefully our writing does not scream – she’s a Tramp!)

Anyhow, I did a little research (via Google) on this term tramp stamp and I can’t say that I came up with anything interesting, other than some people say the terms stems from a time Celtic’s use to brand bad people and it was mostly ‘whores’ who where branded. Others say it was a popular term in the 90’s and apparently many people chose to get a tattoo on their back because the skin of the back is unlikely to stretch ((unless you are really unlucky!)

I definitely did not find anything to suggest there is a correlation between ‘stamp’ and (tramp) behaviour.

Although there was some insinuation that those who get tattoos on their lower back are asking for people to look, you know - drawing the attention to the area then the booty of course!

Now clearly Cheryl’s dress was designed to show off her tattoo for the occasion and it worked judging by the article in Femail.

Me in my every day life (and about 10 years after getting my tattoo) I can’t say that I dress to show it off or not… I dress for comfort mostly.

Also when I think about why I chose a back tattoo the main reason (and remember I was about 19/20 at the time) was about having a tattoo that was a reasonable size and that I could cover up. My arm was not an option because well… they are quite muscular and I was not trying to draw attention to them. Also my stomach was not an option… because well I’m a mother…

  

… So anyways BDSS now you know my secret, my name is Si and I have a tattoo on my lower back… what you call me?

Also do you have a tramp stamp or back tattoo? What do you make of tattoos in general -defiling the body or self-expression?

Forgive him?... he's an idiot (Eadartt!)

So the other day I was reading a hilarious post on Very Smart Brothas entitled principle schmiciple: The stupidity of the ‘you dated my friend so you’re off limits forever’ argument…

In a nutshell it went through a number of reasons why the argument of never going out with a friend’s ex is well …stupid! (It reduces your dating pool, by excluding people who you might be compatible with or it might be a subtle dig on the quality of your friend ha! - an interesting one!) I recommend you read it... http://www.verysmartbrothas.com/principle-schminciple-the-stupidity-of-the-you-dated-my-friend-so-youre-off-limits-forever-argument/

Anyways whilst some of the reasons were good, it did concede that there are some circumstances were going out with your friends ex might not be appropriate, such as if they just broke up yesterday or the ex- cruelly dismissed or played your friend and at the time you were expected to provide the bleach! lol

Now to be honest I don’t think I have ever gone out with a friends ex and not only that; it has never really been an option for me because when it comes to whom my friends are going out with I usually behaviour in one of two ways…

…If my friend is happy with their beau I'm genuinely happy for them and don't mind meeting said beau and going to couple’s dinner’s and genuinely being nice and getting to know them etc…

However, if my friend is unhappy and is to the point of plotting murder against said beau… I will admit (and of course depending on the misdemeanour) I would be willing not only to provide the bleach, but  possibly a shovel too! Lol … that’s the kind of friend I am...

… You see, when it comes to love I just hate to see people being mugged off and I have been known in the past to get incredulous on my friends (and family members) behalf and if you ever need someone to tell you what I really think about that lying, cheating, watless so and so… you only have to ask and I'll tell you why you deserve and can do much better than that idiot... Eadart!

So anyways... over the years I have been parted to a number of instances where a close friend or relative have discussed with me the details of some ridiculous/messy relationship situation at a point when they themselves are usually incredulous, vexed or upset by the antic's of their beau and depending on the antics, as mentioned above... I'd be willing to get the shovel! lol

Now as I have grown and developed I have come to the realization that the course of true love never runs smoothly and sometimes love ain’t gone be no picnic and if it’s worth having it worth fighting for…(Cheryl was right!)

… and there usually comes a point when the initial reactions subside, the anger simmers and people go back to rebuilding their relationships and sometimes the almost murdered beau manages to slot back into the rigmarole of what would appear to be their normal relationship…(good for them)…

I suppose what I’m trying to say is where does that leave me… the friend with the bleach and the shovel?!

Just the other day I almost came into contact with an almost murder victim… I say almost came into contact because I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything to this person… something (maybe it’s a grudge because I don’t think they deserve a second chance) just stopped me and my thought process  went along the lines of... if I say hello and ask how you’ve been and what’s going on… smiling falsely (when I know full well what has been going on -Eadart!) will I would just be a hypocrite and also even though my friend may have forgiven your wayward behaviour… I’m just not ready to forgive!

Now I know it’s childish and really it is none of my business if my friend wants to go out like that… however I’m just saying ...it is hard! Lol

So anyways BDSS’rs can you relate? Have you had to standby and watched someone dear to you appear to be mugged off? How did you overcome?  I mean seriously I don’t want to be that hater friend for whom beau's name is unmentionable! lol

What are your thoughts?

For Coloured Girls reviewed - tyler perry nothing new here

I know I am very late with this one, but I've finally gotten round to watching For coloured girls. The new tyler Perry Film.

I've never seen the broadway play the film was based on, and I assume that in 1975 it was very relevent and real to women of that time, and that it gave a voice to their suffering.Watching the film yesterday however it felt dated, it felt like all the topics covered I have read about in all the black magazines and women books in the 1990's and beyond.

It felt like I was watching a really tragic version of waiting to exhale, with the whole sisterhood theme that it had going on. Plus the underlying message that black men are no good and it depicted the absolute worst kind of examples of man that any woman could possibly meet. I'm not going to give examples as I dont want to spoil the film but just imagine your worst nightmare.

Its one of those films that got under my skin for all the wrong reasons.

I am wondering why it needed to be made into a film, I can imagine that on a stage with the dance and the poetry  that it was tragic but the different stories where depicted in very moving ways using music, dance and poetry to enhance the powerful punches of the themes running through the play. In film form however inspite of it's very talented and gorgeous cast of black men and women I imagine it lost some of those beautiful qualities that made it such a  broadway hit although there were a glimmers of beauty in a few dance scenes, and the poetic scripting, there wasn't enough. By the end of it, it just felt like another film chronicalling black relationship failures, black women victims at the hands of their fellow black men.

If you've seen it what did you think?

Would you recommend the film to your black male friends? I dont think they'd ever forgive me lol!

Way too much trauma in one 2hours 15 mins film sitting.


















 

 

 






  

I want a big fat Gypsy Wedding!

… I really do! Lol

Especially after watching channel 4’s My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding which chronicles the rites of passage for Gypsy girls, which basically from watching the first show consists of planning for her wedding from the day she is born!

In between being born and the wedding, there are the rights of passage like attending other gypsy weddings to be ‘grabbed’

‘Grabbing’ basically means that when a gypsy boy likes a gypsy girl, he normally physically drags her off somewhere and tries to forcibly get a kiss from her; and by forcibly I mean twisting her arm until she concedes (Chinese burn anyone?) or as Cheyenne one of the gypsy girls featured on the show told us until the girl ‘get the boy off her’ (which includes saying no repeatedly and physically pushing and shoving him off).

The reason the girl says no or try’s to get the boy who is ‘grabbing’ off her is because gypsy girls despite how there appear; (in the show the girls were said to dress like prostitutes) have very high morals and there are traditions and customs to adhere to, such as no sex before marriage. To the point that a girl can not be seen to be with a guy who she is not married to alone for fear that her name will be scandalized; and even those boys and girls who have been betrothed to each other must be chaperoned when out together before they get married.

So as you can imagine the BDSS were doing what we do best… (If your not sure what we do best check out our blurb above) regarding these so called ‘gypsy customs’ and as you would expect from any discussion involving four different women, there were some serious difference in opinion…

Some of us were arguing… ‘Customs me a*s!’ and I quote: “if I wanted to get ‘grabbed’ I could just go down to Silks and Spice!”  And “It just gives them an excuse to behaviour like Neanderthals”

Whilst others were not so much against the ‘gypsy customs’ in fact BDSS Bi throw out: “I would prefer a man to twist up my arm marry me and look after me, than chirps me with labrish and leave me high and dry “ :-D

Now in a way (and when put like that!) I had to agree with Bi because we have all heard and have become familiar with the constantly perpetuated idea that in the black community it comes like you (as a women) have to twist up a mans arm in order for him to marry you! (and your an education eligible women!)

Further more what the gypsy girls said they wanted in a man or actually a husband sounded pretty much the same as if you were to ask any women what they want in a man:

‘Loyal’, ‘don’t lay in the bed’ ‘gets up and goes to work’, ‘takes care of me’ ‘looks after me’ ‘someone who don’t beat

To be honest I can’t really remember all of what they said they wanted in a husband, but whilst they were saying it I can’t say that I disagreed! Lol

Not to mention the fairy tale wedding dress!  What women would not like a gypsy wedding if not just to wear a massive white diamond encrust, corseted, see-through, split up the middle dress!? lol

So any way’s BDSS followers what do you think… are you like me and Bi, do you want a gypsy wedding? Also what did you make of the ‘gypsy customs’ feel free to have a ‘grab’ in comments (It lets us know that you like us!)

One week TWA (teeny weeny afro)

So if you have read my previous post He won't support my natural hair dream... then you will know that I made the decision to forgo the relaxer around November last year and I'm happy to report that this week I have been wearing my twa to the fullest and right now I can't imagine going back to relaxing.

Now originally I was planning to keep my hair in cornrows (washing and trimming the relaxed ends in between) until it grew out to a sufficient length to look well-decent!…

Plus I was a bit put off by the price of the styling products such as kinky Curly Custard which I can only find online for what I consider an extortion price in these austere times: 2011 the year of... 

However the more I watched the youtube natural ladies (which I mentioned in the above post) the more I was itching to see my curls, kinks or coils what ever you want to call them in their natural state…

Plus I was worried that the front of my hair was starting to recede in the middle (maybe I'm paranoid) but that was not a path I was willing to go down! lol

So anyways my lovely hunny bun who I moaned about in the above post (for not supporting my natural hair dream!) forked out the fee for my products and when they arrived last week Friday I could not resist…

So picture me late Friday night upbraiding, then conditioner washing my hair before applying the Kinky Curly Knot Today, cutting off my relaxed ends, applying the Kinky Curly Custard and then leaving it to dry…

…Three knackered hours later I was able to see the results and the results were that I fell in love with my TWA! Lol

Trust me it really is such a dramatic change considering it was only last September I was calling my hairdresser after 4/5 weeks of relaxing my hair to say it needed relaxing again because the thought of going on holiday with an inch of re-growth was so unappealing! (I was a fully fledged fiend to the creamy crack!)

Now I can't lie I was a bit nervous about my mother and child seeing my new do, as my son also doubles as the style police; and my mother has many notions around who in our family got the good hair and the negro hair (I've been told I got the latter –ha ha!) I was also pretty nervous about my boyfriend's response (his opinion does count sometimes!) as he has been looking at me like I was crazy ever since I announced I would be going natural! Lol

Not surprising they were not that enthusiastic. My mother said it looks nice but I should put the plaits back in and my boyfriend and son said it was not to their preference (fair enough we all have them!)

For a brief second I did start to question myself as in… Am I really not looking as great as the reflection is showing in the mirror? Am I fooling myself? Do I look a fool with my twa?

Well… let's just say the response I got from my work colleagues on Monday morning proved that my reflection was not lying… Lol and that I look bloody AWESOME! He-he

I was told I look healthy, gorgeous, like a model, like Halle Berry (in Swordfish -lol), stunning, and a wealth of other compliments!

…So yes this is a post to gloat about my hair! and also to encourage anyone who is thinking about going the natural root to do it!

I won't lie it is no more or less work than when I had relaxed hair but it is very satisfying to know I'm working with what the good Lord gave me!

Hiphophoney - a career?

I watched a programme on BBC3 the other day called Hiphophoneys which followed presenter Nel Hedayat as she delved into the dark world of video modeling in the UK and America.

Now the show was very interesting because it kind of showed the difference between those who have made it in the industry and those who have not; and well the contrast could not have been more different.

Firstly we had the professional dancer who looked to come from a well to do family, over in American trying to be a triple threat (dancer, singer and actress ala J-LO!) all the way to the single mother trying to be the lead video girl in the K.I.G video and the one trying to get bum implants even though her bum looked a pretty reasonable size to me! Lol -plus everything in between!

Now the presenter of the programme initially came from the stand point that these women are being sexually exploited; that with the boundaries of today’s videos going to the extreme, in order to make it you got to sell your soul and/or be almost naked shaking your bits!.

I can’t say that I totally agree or disagree… I mean hearing the men talk about these women as if they are rubbish using terms such as ho´s etc and saying that some of the women only want to sleep with the singers/rappers/celebrities (him being a willing recipient) etc was not easy viewing,  but at the end of the day he himself said that a crap song can be made less crap thanks to the video models therefore I think it’s a two way street (both using each other in the chase for fame and glory).

I mean we have all read or heard of Karrines Steffan´s Video Vixen,right? we have all seen music videos, we all know the difference between classy and trashy and the women in the programme were all grown ups; therefore if they choose to make video modeling their career of choice then who are we to judge? Even if they spend their money and get no money back in return (hardly any get paid for their trade and one promoter admitted duping women into thinking they would)… Some careers are worth that and sometimes you got to pay out before you reap the rewards

I think what the show highlighted was that there is unlikely to be a shortage of women willing to get their video light… there was even a women who was sexually assaulted whilst taking part in a photo shoot (I think) and she was talking about still pursuing her dream of being a video model because she did not want to let her perpetrator win, and make her stop doing something that she loves.

Me personally I don’t like any video light;  however there are plenty of women who do and I have seen many a girl in my time skinning out (popping their bums in the club) for the video light never knowing where that video will end up.

It is what it is really and I don’t think any BBC show could put anyone off the idea that when you make it you can make it big ala Angela Lola in America (the show did not paint such a grand  picture for UK models though), you get to hang out with the biggest stars, have money and then go onto pursue your real dream of being a rapper or a reality TV star…

If you have not seen the show check it out here:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00x1wz7/Music_Money_and_Hip_Hop_Honeys/

Check out some interesting responses to the programme:

http://soul14pages.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/music-money-and-hip-hop-honeys-bbc-3/

here: http://mhdbass.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/music-money-and-hip-hop-honeys/   

and here: http://renieddolodge.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/who-wants-to-be-a-video-chick/

So BDSSer´s what do you think? Hiphophoney a career?

Comparing Against The Worst...

Ah bless my son he is quite a character so much so the other day he got a big red stamp in his homework planner saying ¨HOMEWORK NOT DONE!¨. 

Naturally I asked him what homework it was; as I had specifically discussed with him (and more than once) what homework he had at the end of the school term and I made sure he completed it before he went to stay with his father.  I also repeatedly asked him if he had anymore homework outstanding throughout the holiday to which he replied ´no!´

Anyway to cut a long story short, I told him it was not acceptable (he has to take responsibility and keep on top of his homework and so on and so forth...) and he said he forgot about that specific piece of work and so on and so forth, then he dropped the line... "Well so and so (lets call him Johnny) has already had 5 detentions this year" (first year of secondary school). 

Now my response was along the lines of:  ¨What Johnny does is not the point; and further more do not compare yourself against the least desirable behaviour¨.

Before I lose you don´t worry this is not a post recounting tales of my home life however, the conversation did get me thinking about how sometimes some of us (me included) have a tendency to compare ourselves against the worst.


Which is not a good thing because bad behaviour is bad behaviour even if little Johnny is doing worse;


Also starting a sentence about yourself with the words... ´At least I don´t...´ or ´At least I´m not a (crackhead)´ in comparison to some other redundant behaviour is well ...superfluous because it serves no useful purpose other than to make you feel better about what you know is not greatness.


Don´t get me wrong I´m not saying Johnny getting 5 detentions is ¨the worst¨ behaviour ever however... I personally don´t want myoops! I just done it right there :-D (comparing against the worst!) ha ha -I´ll just call it example no.1! child to start getting detentions...

Example no. 2: ¨At least I don´t beat you¨ or  ¨There are men out there who beat their women¨  (uttered by a cheater during the course of a  relationship). As we´re all aware beating someone in general is not a desirable behaviour/action. 

Now just imagine the outcome of the relationship if the focus was on desirable behaviour/action:

¨There are men out there who respect and love their women¨ who knows maybe he would have improved his relationship methods. 

Example no. 3: ¨At least I look after my children¨ or ¨There are some men out there who don´t look after their children¨ (uttered by a single father during a radio show many years ago -I think ChoiceFM). As we´re all aware abandoning your children whether father or mother is not a desirable behaviour/action. 

Now just imagine the outcome of the radio show if the focus was on desirable behaviour/action: 

¨There are men who look after their kids and I am one of them¨ who knows maybe the radio presenter would not have said: ¨So ...that is what your suppose to do!¨ lol

Going back to my son I definitely do not want to encourage that way of thinking about school life i.e., Johnny got 5 detentions and I only got 3 so therefore I´m doing better than Johnny, I got to nip that in the bud quick time!

So anyways BDSS followers what do you think? Do you sometimes find yourself uttering ¨at least I´m not a blood sucking vampire!¨

Talk to us!

Something new

Have you ever seen the film "Something new", with Sanaa Lathan and Simon Baker? The film where a black woman gets set up on a blind date by a friend and she is surprised to find its with a white man, who she then goes on to fall for although she had never dated outside her race before. Come to think of it ,it's not exactly a topic that's something new. and I'm sure dating outside your race is not as awkward and complicated as the film makes out. Or maybe bdsser's the first date actually is if you've never dated outside your race before! Your stories and tales of this are very welcome. Get commenting!

But back to a friend of mine who since becoming single recently, they're considering trying something new.

They have only ever dated black men. Myself to, although I can recall having feelings for someone in school when I was in my early teens, I asked him out (lol ha ha I'm not going to pretend he said yes and lie to make myself look better in this post!) He said no, something about him having a girlfriend. I felt quite upset at the time and maybe that set me on the road to only dating black men, I'm joking of course, I really don't know, but since that ill fated attempt to date outside my race (not that race entered my mind at the time) I've never tried it again.

My friend has only recently started to think that maybe she is really limiting her dating opportunities.

And talking it over with a few other friends, a lot of them tend to agree that while everybody has their preferences when it comes to who they date, there is nothing wrong with dating outside that preference to a degree.

There is the saying that variety is the spice of life!

I know many couples in relationships of all sorts of combinations of race, happy, miserable, volatile, stress-free relationships. Typical, normal relationships.

So she is consciously open to the idea of dating outside her race for once and she says it feels slightly liberating.

Bdss'er's the floor is your's what do you think about dating outside of your race?

If you've never done so or if you exclusively do so, is that due to a conscious decision?

Your thoughts, feelings and opinions are all very much welcome.

Black Film = Depressing

I remember watching Boyz In Da Hood a number of times as a child and then one day I could not watch it anymore, it was just too depressing! 

The same thing happened with other black films such as New Jack City and Sugar Hill, to the point were today whenever Boyz In Da Hood is showing or some other black film (Kidulthood) depicting a black man down/out; with gang and baby mother problems, it puts me off watching (I mean Notorious was on the other day and although I love BIG´s music I could not watch it again!)

Now it could be that despite growing up in Hackney and quite vividly remembering when Lower Clapton was called ´Murder Mile´; gang culture and down and outness was not and has never been my life experience so therefore I cannot relate to what I see on the TV screen or is it that TV is depicting the real black experience and the black experience is actually as depicted -depressing?!

The reason I ask is whilst watching a recent talk show hosted by a successful black women, someone I was watching it with commented: ´do you ever notice that these things (black shows/media) are always focused on the negative´ or words to that effect.

Now to be honest at that point I was just enjoying the show in terms of the lively party atmosphere, however the more I thought about it the more I felt inclined to agree. 

There were moments where the show got emotional; particularly when it came to the guests. Some of which were so overcome at being on the show in the first place; and they were saying things like: ´You know when you work so hard and have so many knock backs etc etc´ and 'when I saw these poor kids etc etc´ and the host who appears to have a healthy dose of self esteemed ´understood´ her guests ´pain´, ´tears´ and ´heartache´. It was both happy because they made it, but sad because there was also struggle.

Now I know, what your thinking, Boyz In Da Hood and the films mentioned above are quite old so you could argue the black films of today do not deal with such depressing subject matter, and there are plenty of great comedic black films, however recent films such as Precious, For Coloured Girls and Why Did I Get Married (I know all Tyler Perry films) have quite depressing subject matter - ok Why Did I Get Married is not so much depressing however, the two films most definitely depicted some very dysfunctional characters.

Even in music... I see a hoodie and a council estate and I've lost all interest!

I hear lyrics like 'I had nothing, now I have something' (usually money, girls and cars) and it all leaves me feeling depressed!

Don't get me wrong I'm not knocking anyone in particular and I paid my money and watched Why Did I Get Married Too just like everybody else because lets face it, its nice to watch a film and see black people it in!

But how about an action/romantic/thriller comedy the likes of Knight and Day starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz but with a black leading male and female? 

Or is it that black people are defined by struggle? and so that is what film, TV and music depict?

2011 The Year Of...

... 20% VAT  - Some reports are suggesting the VAT increase will add an extra £158 or more (depending on which reports you read) to the average family's household bill, coupled with;


Above inflation rise in petrol and rail fares - Just on a basic level (i.e., paying bills, general purchases and traveling to work) the cost of living will most definitely go up this year; and with predictions of 7p or more added on a litre of petrol and a 10% increase on some rail fares 2011 is looking pretty bleak for the average working person.


Moving onto...

... Public sector cuts There are predictions of 3 million unemployed due to what the government have said are ´necessary´ actions (cuts) as any delay or indecision would lead to further risk to the economy, country and people; mixed with a bit of...  


... Swine flu (or is it just normal flu?) Some reports are calling it an epidemic or ´crisis´.  To be honest I don´t know if it is an epidemic; but what I do know is a number of people have died, a number of pregnant women have been hospitalized fighting the virus; infection rates are on the increase and stocks of the antiviral drugs are down! Therefore my advice at the first sign of flu is  #Catch it bin it kill it! Catch it, bin it, kill i- oh wait!.. that ad campaigns been cut too! (by government) ha...


... I could go on about the rise in national insurance, increased loan rates, and the freeze in public sector pay but I think you get what I´m trying to say...

2011 The Year Of _____  please feel free to fill in the blank bdss´rs!

New Year ...New You!

Happy New Year everyone!


2011 is finally upon us and as you all know a new year inevitably means … resolutions!


A quick Google search reveals the top 5 resolutions for us Brits (according to research by gocompare.com) are:

1. Lose weight
2. Do more exercise
3. Improve finances
4. Eat more healthily
5. Look for a new job.

Now to tell you the truth I have never ever been a new year’s resolution making kind of girl.  In fact I can’t tell you the last time I made a new years resolution or created a vision board (maybe because I have no vision!) or done some other type of traditional new years eve type ritual where I vow to do or not do something which will be advantageous for me!

The reason being, I’m quite cynical about such things (…along with other things like self help books and the law of attraction) I don’t know why but I just don´t half believe in none of the above.


I mean writing down a list of things you want to achieve is one thing; doing or taking the steps to actually achieve those things is something totally different. Plus research suggests that only a small percentage of people are actually successful in achieving their new years goals (a meager 12%). 

Now I know you're thinking what is wrong with trying to be one of those successful 12%? and my answer would be nothing at all, but when you consider the following findings: 

¨Two fifths of people said they were making a new year's resolution because they genuinely hoped they would be able to change their behaviour, although 54% admitted they would probably have broken their pledge by the end of January. Just 14% thought they would be able to maintain their new behaviour for between six and 12 months¨

Also the mental health charity Mind have recently reported that setting unrealistic goals based on insecurities or on work or financial worry´s could trigger feelings of failure and inadequacy if the plans fail to materialise.

Therefore I get a bit cynical about making any resolutions based around this time of year. Although don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking goal setting (I have goals too) I just don’t think they need to be confined to New Years! Plus its not about what you say you’re going to do that’s important but rather how you plan to do it. 

Therefore in the spirit of not being a cynical girl this new years check out this interesting website quirkology.com for tips on a successful resolution. I have summarized the main points below:

1. Make only one resolution - the chances of success are more likely when you channel your energy into changing one aspect of your behavior at a time.
2. Plan ahead - don´t wait until New Years eve to think about your resolution. Take a few days to think about what it is you really want to achieve out of life.
3. Be specific - think about the how, when, where and what.
4. Avoid previous resolutions or approach an old problem from a new angle.
5. For men (I think it can also apply to women) create goals that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time based (SMART).
6. For Women (as above, can also apply to men) go public, tell people what your resolution/goal is and ask them to give you a gentle nudge (reminder) if you go off the wagon.
7. Last but not least ... be persistent, and don´t blame yourself (or beat yourself up) if you falter or give into temptation. Remember everyone messes up from time to time. Don´t use it as an opportunity to give up. (I really agree with this statement not just for new years, but for life!)

So BDSS’rs ... are you into resolutions? are you going to lose weight,  exercise more,  improve your finances,  eat more healthily or find a new job in 2011?


Here´s wishing that whatever you have planned for 2011 you put your foot in it! :-D