Obviously more time than not if it's trending on twitter it's not really taken as serious but it got me thinking what exactly is stalking? (excluding the celebrity stalking that we hear about in the press)
(a quick google search!)
“There is no legal definition of stalking in the UK, however, the term ‘stalking’ is generally used to describe a form of behaviour which involves the unwelcome and repeated following of or communicating with another person in a manner which that person finds distressing or threatening. In most such cases the victim is a person with whom the perpetrator has had or would like to have an intimate or personal relationship. ‘Stalking’ is often used interchangeably or in conjunction with ‘harassment’ to describe the same or similar types of behaviour.
The frequent conflation of the terms ‘stalking’ and ‘harassment’ is understandable as stalking can be regarded as a serious form of harassment and there is no clear division between the two forms of behaviour.”
Do any of you know what it feels like to be the target of unrequited attention? Like when someone you have no interest in dealing with or who adds no value to your life continues to communicate with you even though you have told them you want no communication and in no uncertain terms to galang!
You even go so far as to change your telephone number but some how they still text you and when you don’t respond they email you. I mean what is up with people who believe they have a right to be in your life even though you don’t want them there?
Unfortunately we don’t call ourselves dramas in the borough’s for nothing BDSS’ers nope unfortunately one or more of us have dealt with or are currently having to deal with such behavior.
I think it's an important issue to talk about it, because most times we play it off as trivial (i.e., a silly ex) and hope it goes away of its own accord.
Also from experience I know more times the person doing the harassing (lets face it, it is harassment) has this twisted notion of I love them/they belong to me therefore I’m going to harass them/bombard them into submission.
Well… you know the saying “If you love something, set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours in the first place..."
I wish there was an extra line added to that saying: “also if it doesn’t, the best thing to do is move on with your life. Under no circumstance should you act like a pyscho and bombard them with ongoing communication”
I mean seriously once you have harassed can you really come back from that? Is there a person on earth who finds that kind of behavior attractive? Dealing with someone who has no respect for your wishes?
It got me thinking on a serious note what are your options when dealing with such situations?
After some more online research I stumbled across a few pieces of information, which may be useful to anyone out there dealing with harassment:
Found on https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q497.htm
“If you receive two or more nuisance e-mails/texts that are non violent in nature, this could amount to an offence of harassment (defined below). The word "harassment" does not have a legal definition, but the words alarm, distress or torment are the best words used to describe it.
The incidents must be related and must not be two isolated incidents. The further apart the incidents are, the less likely there is to be an offence of harassment. However, all the circumstances of the incident will be taken into account when determining if an offence has been committed.
The law takes into account the "reasonable person" test. This means that if it was felt that a person of reasonable firmness (i.e. the average person on the street) would not be alarmed or distressed, the offence is not committed. The offender must also be aware that the course of conduct they are pursuing would cause the victim to alarmed or distressed.
Example
A and B were partners, A finishes the relationship but B is not happy. B sends 30 e-mails/texts over the course of a week begging A to reconsider. If A is then distressed by this course of action, an offence of harassment is likely to have been committed. Note however, if A was not distressed and ignored the e-mails/texts, then no offence of harassment would have occurred.
If you believe you have suffered this type of harassment, there are two possible ways of dealing with it. You can contact the police who will pursue the matter or alternatively, you can pursue it yourself thorough the civil courts.
If you feel that you have suffered from harassment and would like police involvement, please contact your local police station.”
Found on http://www.nssadvice.org/always-trust-your-instinct/
Ok BDSS’ers have you been harassed or stalked by someone? How did you deal with it? What was the outcome?
Interesting post Si! I will be commenting later!
ReplyDelete*Testing*... as we have had some reports the comments section is not working. Sorry about that if anyone has experienced problems.
ReplyDeleteAs Sel has commented I'm assuming its fixed now. So comment away please!
Need a bit of time to articulate my thoughts and feelings on this topic.
ReplyDeleteI changed my number a few months back, and one of the first text messages I got at ridiculous o' clock in the morning was from an ex who had clearly hunted my new number down. I felt slightly disturbed by this fact however the tone of the message was to the effect of okay you've changed your number I will not be contacting you again (I know drama's in the borough's for real and the reasons why we split up is even more jeremy kyleish than bears thinking about lol!). So I'm thinking great wonderful clearly a very big hint that I don't want to talk to you is I've changed my number and the message has been sent loud and clear.
ReplyDeleteIn life you have got to let go of the things that are not working in order to focus on the things that do work.
A few months on and I've not had a phone call, but there have been a few comments on the blog (ex's definitely do read the blog and comments ladies and gents) and I do get emails all of which I do not respond to.
Do I feel like I'm being stalked or harassed! No unless this person has turned up at my house or workplace I can ignore and delete words. It doesn make me feel uncomfortable however.
Interesting post Si – harassment/stalking is definitely not the one! Hadn’t realised the police would get involved at the multiple phone calls stage; that’s of course assuming they actually will.
ReplyDeleteCan’t say I’ve ever been avidly stalked but I have had some random occasions where people (mainly men) simply wouldn’t take no for an answer but like Sel said, it’s not really enough to ‘distress’ me.
Recently, I did receive a text from some guy who reckons his name is ‘Romeo’ and that he delivered my sofas. He apparently just came back from Jamaica and thought he’d text – I couldn’t remember any Jamaican delivering my sofas last year (nor me ever giving my number to any delivery guy!) so after a series of questions, it turns out he was referring to the set delivered to my MUM’s about 4-5 years ago! My guy took my number off the order details and kept it; reckons he never had the nerve to call it but felt it would be ok to return to the country after some years and give it a try kmt.
Asked for his FB and man is all in his 40s (shudder) and looking like a depressed Shaggy lol!
Exes sure do read/comment! But hey, they're welcome to because we're all articulate enough to respond appropriately!
Debs that is a weird one! Oh my gosh, contact after 5 years from delivering your mother's sofas? Who does that kind of thing?
ReplyDeleteSel that is the thing as long as you don't feel like your being harassed or stalked but as the video says trust your instinct, don't try and down play it if things were to escalate.
Thankfully I've never been stalked, but I know someone who was. This was not by an ex it was by a stranger and she just happened to walk past his house to take her daughter to school, and he became obsessed. He would follow her to the childs school, and turned up at the ladies house all sorts of craziness. Fortunately the police got involved and the man was eventually fazed out but it was very scary. Seek help, even if you are scared that you won't be taken seriously - you will be. The police are trained to deal with this sort of thing.
ReplyDeleteAs it say's in our blurb BDSS'ers:
ReplyDelete"So what is The BDSS? Call us the cast of 'Drama´s in the Borough' (as opposed to Sex and the City!!) For over a decade, we've all laughed, cried, argued and debated together in person, over the phone & via email. BDSS is an online version of what we do best; right down to the glass of wine that's always lurking around!!"
I apologise BDSS'ers that I have lowered the tone by responding.