Does man stress make you a woman?

 

I was listening to a song the other day, by an artist that I love and at first I was listening to the song contentedly it was quite a soulful track. I liked the vocals, the backing track, the video looked very slick, I was starting to feel quite impressed but then I caught on and listened to the lyrics, and the feminist in me started to feel slightly uncomfortable.

A good song manages to paint a picture in your mind, and this songs was about your usual r'n'b fodder, relationships, so as the lyrics in this song go on, picture me, picturing a woman struggling in her relationship talking about "these tears I cry sure won't be the last, this pain in side never seems to pass"  so I'm thinking oh oh not a great relationship!! and I can relate we've all been there.

Then the song talks about another woman "sometimes I wonder could she be more of a woman to you, than you are a man to me" double oh oh maybe some infidelity going on.  It goes on "I hope she is happy, she is happy your the chapter I am closing". He has now gone to this other woman. Tut tut tut terrible, but again I can relate issues of infidelity can feel like norm these day.

Then it got uncomfortable to me! The jarring thing is that after hearing about all this heartbreak this man is causing, the singer then goes on to thank this guy for making her a woman, it goes "so I thank you, yeahhhh, so I thank you  yeahhhh, so I thank you for making me a woomann" I can't help but think that something is wrong here......in fact I'd go so far as to say
Hell No!

Here is why......

While I understand that going through life's twists and turns can make certain individuals grow up quickly, and take on more responsibilities than others and that this may make you act and even be more mature (it may expedite the transition from boy to manhood or girl to womanhood), than if you go through an idyllic trouble free childhood. But where along the lines did a girl's ability to become a woman become a man's remit. That we have got all these song's crying out to some unsuitable meaning wanker man thank you for making me a woman!!

The song is effectively saying that I stayed here and let you miss-treat me for a minute but thank you, you made me a woman......I can't help but pose the question....how so?

There are so many stand out events in my life that mark out my journey from girlhood to womanhood and I do not class relationship break ups anywhere on my  list, some examples are moving out and having my own place, working and paying to keep a roof over mine and my families head, having a child, the very mere fact that I was born a female with the xx chromosomes, have breasts and regular period's holds so much more weight to me than the break up between me and my first boyfriend at 16 for example. Yet no one ever sings I became a woman when I had my first child or bought my first car, its always some random relationship problem.

The scary thing is that so many women subscribe to this notion, listening to the song and commenting that the song reminds them of their life, and how much they love the lyric.

Personally I think it gives the wrong person too much credit and a bit too much power, if all they hurt you why say thank you?

If someone runs over my toe's I don't thank them for the pleasure of hurting my foot. Or Punches me square in the face I don't thank them for causing me a nose bleed. The same is true for emotional distress, if someone takes liberties with your heart why then thank them and give them kudos for something that a) you already are (if your already grown) or b) your going to become in time anyway (if your a young woman not yet an adult).


So bdss'er what events shaped you and made you go from girlhood to womanhood? (I'm praying that you all will have more than the usual relationship woes as depicted in the songs) but if not its okay I want to hear from you still.  Guy's does the same hold true for you, does woman stress make you a man? I don't hear any men saying "she got pregnant by Jerome during the relationship but I thank her because she made me a man". Maybe you have them but don't say or sing theses thoughts out loud so no one knows.

Does it take man or woman stress to make you grown? I believe I could do without the stress and be a grown woman anyway but what do you think bdss'ers?

Coincidentally the actual song is sung by a woman but written by a man, this may or may not be significant! What do you think?

I want a husband STAT!!

I woke up early Saturday morning in a real reflective mood.

I did what I normally do when I wake up early but don't particularly want to get out of bed... I went online looking at various tweets and facebook statuses... someone went from in a relationship to "single". Another person was talking about she would go "under the jail" if she had a daughter and a man disrespected her - she nips disrespect in the bud (my kind of women!)
Another person wished his wife a happy birthday and said thank you for being a loving and caring wife...
I don't know if it's because I watched four weddings the night before and one of the brides who was older wore what I considered the most dowdy, unflattering outfit I have every seen (I know to her it was probably perfect and that's what counts!) but it was at that point I said to my partner I don't want to wear an outfit like that on my wedding day (i.e., I don't want to be an older bride!)
That coupled with the husbands birthday speech made me think oh... I want a husband... STAT! Lol  like right now! (your getting an insight into my irrational  mind)

Now you all know I've recently turned 30 and with that came the usual banter about when Mr Si (the lady on twitter was also talking about people abusing husband/wife titles! Hehe) is going to put a ring on it! I got the talk from my father right down to an older work colleague, especially as me and Mr Si have been together for almost a decade! My colleague was almost shouting "what is he waiting for?"
My response was 'it's on the cards' or maybe I said 'it has been discussed...'

Recently some people have just done it! As in... they Met, Fell in love and Married within a short space of time or Met,  Fell in love, Planned to give up everything and get married in a short space of time!

I kind of admire (envy) that. You see almost a decade in I think why did we not do that? Also at a decade in I think we have definitely missed that 'whirlwind' window of opportunity to rush off somewhere exotic (or not) and just do it.
Now I think life has got in the way (i.e., work, raising children, finances) and any talk of marriage is puncuated with an "after we have done this..." or "after we have done that..."

I guess I wrote all of this to ask any married people or non married; even non believing in marriage people (is it just a piece of paper?) what made you just do it? or not just do it? Also how did you know she or he was 'the one' you wanted to marry? what makes a women marriage material fellas and women what makes a man marriage material? Am I even marriage material? How do you know?

Also I was ease dropping on my colleague who was having the same discussion of "when" with another colleague who has been with her partner the same length of time as myself. Now her response to the question was interesting. She basically said that if  she and her partner had gotten married right at the beginning then so be it; but as they have left it so long and also depending on the side of the bed she wakes up on she somethings thinks it would be nice to marry him and then at other times she is glad she is not married as she thinks if one day she wants to go off and do her own things she does not have any ties! interesting...

Anyways what are your thoughts BDSSers?

5 Sign's of a good man

As the old saying goes, the course of true love does not run smoothly and I speak as one of the unattached many, when I say that my relationship road, has been a very bumpy road indeed. Relationships are not like the fairy tales depicted by Walt Disney, and although they say that you have to kiss many frogs to find a prince, alot of the time it can feel like you have kissed one too many frogs, and your left wondering are their any good guys out there.

I saw this in an email the other day:

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, and sensitive man? 

A: A rumor 

Okay so it was sent as part of a longer jokey man bashing email, but  I think it's quite apt for this post, it can feel like a good man is some kind of mythological being much like a unicorn or big foot or the loch ness monster. Some people believe in his existence but he is rarely seen or encountered. After a week in which I had a woman sobbing for a whole day at work over a man and also some other relationship fatalities, It got me wondering how do you spot when a man is sincere, genuine and for want of a better description a "good man". 

I scoured the Internet in search of the answers and I also asked a few of the women I know who are coupled up and in long term relationships and I assume content.

Some of the answers were as follows:

"if he is a man of his word" or "he does what he say's he is going to do" - from a woman in an 8 year relationship.

"I can just see it in the way he looks at me" - From a woman in 1 year and a half relationship.

"He had a strong work ethic, and immediately he used it to advance us and our family' - From woman in 7 year relationship.

 "He showed love and affection to his family and friends, which made me feel like he would be able to show that to me" - From a woman in a 3 year relationship.

"little boys play around, real men settle down" - From a woman in a 8 year relationship.

So these are some of the things said by women who felt that they were in relationships with great men.

When I searched the Internet and read a few blogs and websites I found the following piece very insightful and interesting.

Mr self development.com - 3 signs of a good man 

A man with a heart, brain and courage very important.as illustrated by the above.

Other signs include:

1) Showing you respect - A man that has respect for you as a whole, your feelings and your thoughts, your space, your time, for you as the unique person that you are from the start of your relationship. Do not stick around if someone is disrespectful to you from the start, a good man will show you respect and also demand you respect them back.

2) Showing emotional maturity - A man who does not over-react or lash out when times get challenging. They can deal with life's, stresses, strains, emotional disagreements in a rational way. They can also deal with their own and their partners emotions. Have you ever been with someone who avoids conversations concerning feelings. It becomes frustrating as they are immature.

3) They are ready to commit - There are many men out there who are ready to commit and be serious, you may have come across them and have felt that they are not right for you or you for them, but when they find the right woman, there is no beating around the bush, they are proposing and getting married in no time.

4) They take care of themselves - financially, spiritually, emotionally, physically - they have focus in important area's of their life, these area's may not be perfect but they are aware of the issues and changes that need to be made, and they do it. A person can not be a help or support to anyone else unless you are able to take care of themselves first and foremost.

5) They are able to give love and to show it. A man that is a bit sensitive and emotional is not a bad thing as long as he is doing all of the above mentioned manly things. There needs to be a balance.

These are a few of my good men traits and characteristics, you may have some more, so BDSS'ers feel free to discuss and add to the list, maybe you have some I have not thought off. 

The whole point of the post  is to show that there are great men out there and to give you some tips of how to recognise them when they appear.  

Happy dating.........