Is etiquette a thing of the past?

Hey guys and gals sorry I have been gone for ages! But I’m back and will post as much as the kiddies will allow!

Well anyway, in short I want to know where common etiquette has gone. I recently went to visit a friend of mine, I may not be writing this post if it were not for me feeling extremely thirsty on this visit. Now we haven’t got the sort of friendship that means I can just go to her fridge and get a drink, so I waited, and waited and waited to be offered a drink. I never got one. Why didn’t you ask? You may be thinking, and rightly so, but some rules I think are just unspoken, and perhaps it’s down to me doing something that I occasionally do which is the etiquette test. 

This particular friend failed it 2-years prior when I brought around a bottle of wine (to share) she goes on to not offer me the wine I brought (it wasn’t a present) but to offer me water or tea. Now unless I already have a bottle open and they want it, my friends are offered wine, hey we BDSSers love wine! I would not except their wine and offer something else; it’s just an unspoken rule.

So going back to this friend, I and my kids left the house without a drink, and me thinking I will not be visiting her house for a while. My friend D who is the Queen when it comes to etiquette always indulged me when I visited her house when we were at school, and I must have commented on it. She told me her Grandma had told her a story of a homeless man that had visited a family and not been offered a drink so he died of thirst. This is the rule of thumb she went by, and it stayed with me forever. When I was young my mum use to tell me it’s rude not accept something if you are offered (when visiting someone’s house) when did not being offered become the norm?

When I was pregnant and travelling on the tube, my bump could be poking people in the face, and they would not get up most of the time. One man had the cheek to get up only after a lady offered, I took the lady’s seat!

So people, BDSSers am I being old school, should I just have asked for a drink and my wine? Or am I right to expect a drink (not dinner and dessert) when I visit friends?

Where Are All The Great Men?

Where is he?

I can't lie as I look around the manscape there appears to be a shortage of great men.

Now obviously before I go off on one it would be a good idea for me to define what a 'great' man means.

Now you can refer to Sel's recent post: Very Smart Men a Turn Off; she discusses the problem’s which befall "mature, intelligent, ambitious men" in relationships.

My idea of a great catch is a man who is emotionally stable, respectful, loving, considerate, affectionate, someone I can trust that their actions are in the best interest of 'us', someone who is supportive of me and my goals and all that other good stuff.

Ok I'll admit I found defining a great man a difficult task (ask me what not great looks like ha-ha!), but I think I know one when I see one, so seriously lately I have been wondering... where are all the great men at? 

You know them upwardly mobile men who are not intimidated by a great women; who when they find a great women they are not afraid to go all the way. They have no issues they need to resolve before they can love you. They have no baby mother's who pop out the woodworks. They have no old school idea's about the roles of women and men that excuses them from helping with the dishes every now and again; and finally them men who are just not stupid enough to risk a great relationship over some silliness.

Around here it come like there is a serious drought of great men, it's like the Sahara all mirage but no actual water.

If he’s not cheating, he's stalking. If he hasn’t left you to sort out his 'issues' he not taking care of the financial agreement; and if he can't get his own way in the relationship (i.e., your not willing to work, come home and wait on him hand and foot) he'd rather throw the whole thing away.

Or the killer he no longer wants the relationship but does not want you to be with someone else, therefore he interferes in your dating life.

Will the real great man please stand up…(I know their out there).

So what do you think BDSS'ers is there a shortage or a drought? Where can an upstanding woman find an upstanding man? Also what is your definition of a great man (or women)?

Stand up

You Can't Introduce Your Children To Every 'Potential' Partner (Katie Price)...

Now I know from my own experience that sometimes the course of love does not run smoothly, hence we end up with women being known as 4x4's.

A well known '4x4' being Ulrika Johnson and Mel B with the announcement of her third pregnancy is looking like a '3x3'.

Whilst women who have multiple children by multiple men are given these titles, I notice that men are not given any titles at all, for instance my own father if the roles were reversed would be know as a 10x4 or something along them lines, but anyways that's a topic for another day.

My point is we understand that sometimes you met someone you think your going to spend the rest of your life with, you have children together, get divorced (or not) and then start the circle all over again.

What I don't understand is why because you are trying to find the elusive 'one' your children must be involved and dragged to meet every potential mate you ever go on a date with.

Exhibit A: Jordan – The man holding Jordan's child on the left? Leandro Penna Argentinian model Jordan's new main squeeze (see right).

As far as I can tell she has know him for all of three weeks… but there he is holding her child being 'papped'

Last I read he does not even speak English but apparently "I'm not with him for his mind.”

Sorry Jordan I'm team Peter for this one. Alex Reid has only been gone a minute the ink has barely dried on the divorce papers.

Why is he meeting your child when you are “just getting to know each other”

Fool… That is all BDSS'ers

Ok I will get off my pedal (sorry) but I think you know what I'm getting at, when it comes to your children you have to be careful, because step familydom is hard at the best of times, let alone when there is a revolving door of step daddies or mommies.

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying don't date or to wait until your children have left home to get back in the saddle, but please…

I mean it was only one week ago she was saying:  “I'm having an amazing time with Leandro. He isn't a future husband and I'm just having fun when I'm not with the kids.

“I'm single and I'm allowed.”

You are allowed girl but again please...

Now I know Jordan probably got other motives for being seen with Leandro and kids in tow (probably an f u to Alex, plus her reality show) but we all know people being reckless with their children and who they introduce them to... so BDSS'ers chime in.

Chris Brown Good Morning America Interview Rage...

 

So if you have not read the latest regarding Chris Brown please read here: Chris Brown Smashes Window Good Morning America after Rihanna Assault Quiz...

I don't know obviously the fact he is getting so angry and smashing a window is not a great sign, however in a recent post when I looked at the issues of: Forgive him he's an idiot...eadartt! one of the comments I received was biblical... "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone I find that helps me....."

So in the spirit of not being unforgiving I'm going to try to use empathy to understand what it must be like for Chris Brown to try and promote his new album F.A.M.E whilst possibly the only thing the media may be interested in is his assault on Rihanna (or giving him a hard time about it, because I'm guessing the media don't want people to get the impression all is forgiven even though they have him on the show promoting his album).

It must trouble him so bad... and that is not to take aware from the issues of domestic violence or the effect it has on victims or anything like that.

But for someone trying to make a change in their life (this is assuming he is) to have their past  indiscretion(s) constantly brought up must be so tough, but here is were accountability comes into play.

As tough as it may be for Chris Brown, reacting in the way he allegedly did is not a good look and the sooner he learns that unfortunately that topic is par for the course whilst he is in the public eye, then I think he's going to be punching a lot of wndow's because that 'incident' is unlikely to go away anytime soon.

What do you think BDSS'ers par for the course? or as someone trying to change should he be granted a break?

Also after the interview Chris tweeted: 'I'm so over people bringing this past s**t up!!! Yet we praise Charlie sheen and other celebs for there [sic] bulls**t' 

Does he have a point? or as I said par for the course and he really needs to worry about himself.

Rebecca Black - Friday, Then Comes Saturday, Afterwards Sunday...

Today's Saturday, but yesterday was Friday...

Rebecca Black is genius because yesterday (Friday) instead of partying and doing Friday things, I was glued to YouTube.

I watched the official video:

I watched overexposed:

I watched the spoof:

I watched the lyric analysis:

And I even read the Daily Mail: Rebecca Black teen YouTube hit branded worlds worst singer cries criticism

It's like they took what they thought were the 'catchiest' or even 'hippest' lyric's you can put in a song and used them all at once repeatedly:

'Friday' (Everyone loves friday) 'Partyin Partyin' (Everyone loves to party)  'Fun Fun Fun' (the more she repeats it the more I believe it) 'Kickin it' (I don't know about you but I love to kick it ) and 'Yeah' (I blame Usher for that one!)

Then they add a black 'rapper'...

"Yeh yeh, RB Rebecca Black
so chilling in the front side, in the back seat
I'm driving cruising, 
fast lanes, switching lanes
with a car by my side, woah come on  
passing by is a school bus, in front of me next
tick tock, wanna scream,
check my time, it's Friday
its a weekend
we gonna have fun come come on yo"

Oh come on indeed, ha ha ...it makes no sense what so ever!

This could possibly be the worst top song going and her mother actually paid Ark Music Factory for those 'lyrics' 

There is probably more I could say but to be honest I'm lost for words with this one.

So I'll leave it to you BDSS'ers... what do you think? A spoof? Is she the next Bieber? Is it real? Is it fake? Do you feel sorry for her? Who is the rapper? And just why?

*Disclaimer: fun fun FUN

 Update: Mystery solved, who is the rapper? 'Pato' Patrice Wilson - Ark Music Factory Producer   He produces and features in most of the companies songs. If his myspace bio is to be believed then I can not understand how he produced those rap lyric's but hayhoo!

Very Smart Men a Turn Off?

I've had a couple conversations recently with some very smart men, smart in a sense of they are mature, intelligent, ambitious men who are trying to build some warren buffet-esque empires.

A few weeks back one of these single men briefly mentioned to me that they really liked someone but that the woman didn't feel "good enough" to be with him.

Then I was having a conversation more recently with someone who was feeling slightly tired of dating and meeting women as he had been told on a recent occasion by the woman he was dating that she didn't feel good enough to be with him.

Hmmm...

Now after encouraging my friend (you know chin up, stay positive - all the good uplifting talk lol), I did wonder if this is some sort of line that gets banded around when a woman maybe isn't interested in being in a relationship with a guy kind of like that whole“ its not you, its me" type thing.

But its not one of those lines I've used myself when I'm not interested in forming a relationship.


Then on the same day one of my fb friends asked could you be with a guy who was not as smart as you on his FB status, and the majority of the women who were quick to respond very passionately responded saying "NO" in fact the majority of them saying "hell no!"

So I'm wondering who are these women turning down these lovely guys due to not feeling good enough about themselves?

And how good about yourself do you have to feel to want to be with a very smart man?

I'm slightly flummoxed by this as I love men who are intelligent, mature and ambitious.

The more intelligent, mature (in actions not in looks I'm not interested in anyone over 60 just yet I jest! Lol!) And ambitious the better.

I mean what are you going to do with an immature, unintelligent, going nowhere partner

Japan... Pray, Donate, Help

I was not going to write anything about Japan because well… the news speaks for itself, we're all aware of the devastation caused by the earthquake and tsunami which occurred last Friday, so there is not much to say other than lets everyone pray and do what we can to help.

The reason why I bring it up is because the other day I had the misfortune of being in earshot of someone spouting what I can only describe as rubbish regarding what has happened in Japan.

This person was banging on about 'it's always the British who help other countries …ya da ya da' (crap) and I quote 'when it was flooding in Cornwall (or somewhere in the UK) they did not come to help…'

I can't lie listening to this person really pissed me off!

Not to underestimate the impact of the flooding which occurred recently in the UK and the devastation it caused to those people effected, however clearly Japan is in a different level.

I mean don't get me wrong I can kind of understand how in this day of 24/7 news, it can be easy to become desensitised. I mean you see it, you read it, you tweet it, you facebook it 24/7 and in this day of 'breaking news' it seems like everyday a daily dose of bad news is delivered for our consumption.

If you think about it before Japan's earthquake, there was the earthquake in New Zealand , the week before that there was Gaddafi, the week before that there was the uprising in Egypt… all rolled into one constant flow of 'news'.

So in a sense I can see why we not only become desensitised but that desensitization is key to being about to pick oneself up (after the initial shock) and going on about our daily lives…whilst across the pond there is devastation.

That coupled with the fact in this country people are struggling, it's a recession, there are cut backs, and petrol prices are sky high and I can just about afford to get to work let alone afford to donate money to the numerous charitible causes (is it me or has comic relief come around so quickly?)… So in a sense I get it or at least I get why that person was spouting crap…

…However, my main point is despite all the above if you looked at things not from the viewpoint of yourself, or which country you are a citizen of, or what your country has already done for other countries and think about what has happened in Japan just on a basic 'human' level (for lack of a better word) using empathy, sympathy and compassion …

What if that was your family lost? Your neighbours and neighbourhood lost? Your home…lost? your job and basically your life washed away in one instant would you not need or want help?

God forbid a tsunami or some other natural disaster befalls the UK and people's responses are that of my friend spouting crap…

The saying comes to mind if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything at all!

I stress again …PRAY, DONATE, and HELP Japan if you can…

Starting Afresh - Day of Empowerment

So here I am, on International Women's Day (true talk!), a month before my next birthday and a year on from the most significant sequence of events ever to shape my life, wondering when I'm going to become 'myself again' - the 'woman' that I am.

Yesterday marked a year since the most unimaginable (for me) occurred; the birth and death of my firstborn - Jayden and I'm telling you; it's only now I'm older that I understand what grown folks were on about when they talk about 'a year in a day' since although a year ago everything is still quite vivid like it was only yesterday, and this can make you feel as though you're not moving on as fast or productively as the world perhaps expects. Especially where there aren't many positive or productive distractions, you can feel isolated in your thoughts and before you know it the weeks and months pass you by in a heartbeat.

Unbeknownst to me, that day would mark the beginning of the set of trials that were to follow in 2010. As per the BT Moving Home ad about the 'list of top 10 most stressful things to happen in your life' (for the record, he was quite fortunate to have experienced those simultaneous 3!!), a birth, a death, a breakup, a house move (and a violin playing neighbour upstairs!!) amongst other contenders in such a short space is a real test of one's temperament, patience and even faith and not to mention overall well-being.

Since yesterday was the actual anniversary, I took the day off work to ensure as smooth of a day as possible. For the first time in months I actually felt ready for this day. I knew that I would drive the 40 minutes my sat nav suggested (and I use that term very loosely!) 'calm', arrive 'calm', and return home to my 'calm' environment. Man did I fail MISERABLY at each and every one - well I say me, but it's more like the overturned lorry spilling oil on the Blackwell Tunnel backing up the traffic towards ANYWHERE trying to get north of the river!!! I was completely stuck with no room to turn around which in any case would've been a waste of time since it was a complete gridlock. Or could it have been the bollard in the road that tried to claim my wing mirror - I swore so hard that if the now hanging class and casing hadn't snapped back into place, I would've finished the job the bollard had started. OR could it have been the fact that I had been driving non-stop for 3 hours like to say I'm on some road trip to Lancashire - C'MON!!!!!

Needless to say, calmness had left my vicinity time ago and with all the delays and failures there was no way I could make it in time so had to turn on my heel and go home - angry at the world as it were.

But as I said, I was 'ready for this day' so I went back today, determined to not let anything else negative get in my way. I arrived with 30 minutes till closing and strangely, it was the perfect time. The sun was out and everything was quiet and still (but for my heels!) and only whilst kneeling at his place of rest, arranging his yellow and white chrysanthemums and white roses and remembering the very brief moments of his existence did I realise that a strange sense of calm had descended on me. Not the emotional visit I had (in honesty) expected, but calm. All of a sudden, it no longer mattered to me that I couldn't make it yesterday and had to return home with the flowers, nor did anything else from my 'endless list of things to worry about' phase me. Just maybe, the things we fear the most may in fact be the actual antidote.

As hard as it can at times be, I like to talk about Jayden with the BDSS girls (and boys - you know who you are!!!) because it keeps his memory alive; I mean, that's what we do for those who were fortunate enough to have lived with for a while, right? I won't pretend I'm fully there and I still have not come to understand why his stay with me was so brief; and maybe I never will, but what I now see is that even though he isn't here with me physically, his 'legacy' can only continue with me picking myself up, dusting down and moving forward.

So in answer to my question at the beginning of this post; I can never really be my(old)self again. But I'm holding onto the notion that all of our experiences in life whether they be good, bad or complex somehow build us into a completely new 'me', allowing us to move into a new and positive direction which without such experiences we may never have taken the opportunity to reflect, retune and resume!

I look at it this way; I have to actually live my life out of respect to those who are unable to and if/when it goes to pot, it's not the end - simply turn the page and continue. In short - if my past pains can be used to help to convey consolation and empathy, or as a tool to ensure that I become an improved friend/family member to others in the future, I have to know that my present has a purpose and it's up to me to define it - in honour and fruition of all life's struggles and strife, and this thought empowers me.

So, today is therefore not only International Women's Day but also a 'Day of Empowerment' (okay - so I made that one up!). How are you empowered to continue on through life's tricky bits, that is, aside from the rum and coke . . . . .

Random Musing... (Kim Kardashian, Prince Andrew & Miguel)

Kim Kardashian's song  

Well it is for charity so it is a good thing, although I can't lie I was a bit disappointed because its not good... not good at all! *Eek*

In fact I think I would be doing a bit of charity work myself if I did not post the link, but as the saying goes 'charity begins at home' (both this site and Kardashia needs 'hits') so here you go: Kim Kardashian Jam (Turn It Up)

I know your probably wondering what did I expect? The honest answer is ...I don't really know!

I mean my thinking around Kim Kardashian (and the Kardashian Brand) is that they have the ability to turned nothing into something (age old debate, what is her discernible talent apart from being gorgeous?)

Anyways I get the impression that anything she touches turns to gold  (monkeys scratching a chalk board could have done better!) money; therefore I was disappointed it sounds so dreadful.

 

I mean even the most questionable singers can be made to sound decent with a bit of autotune... no? I think in this case the autotune only goes to highlight how bad her singing voice might actually be! Anyhow it’s for charity ...so buy it!

Continuing with the music theme...

Miguel's album 'All I Want Is You' 

Now although 'All I want is you' has been on heavy rotation on my iPod for some time now, Miguel's whole album had me feeling all kinds of super sexy this weekend... with lyric's like:  

"You can be my piece click clack, tell them all get back... we shooting, shooting them down!" (My Piece) and "Pillage and plunder, call me your plumber, knock on this wood, get rocked by this thunder!" (Quickie) whoa!

...Plus those beats (the baselines are so heavy)... ahh I love it! Super duper talented artist! 

Never really thought of myself as a ride or die girl, but listening to this song: Miguel My Piece click clack -  (and other sexy songs) meant I would ride or die (my man and me against the world -ha-ha) forever! ... seriously it is a great album ... so buy it!

 Now for a bit of politic's...

Prince Andrew a classic middle child?

Although I don't really believe in categorising people into set characteristic's based on well...Netmums! ha-ha...

I thought this latest Prince Andrew craziness: Prince Andrew Risks Ambassador Job: Underage Sex Case Girl Reveals Meeting Him and an article on Mumsnet which I stumbled upon was just to good to be true!

Now if you are not aware of what is going on with Prince Andrew in summary over the years there have been many questions around the suitability of Prince Andrew in his role as Trade Envoy (see here if interested); most recently his association with convicted child sex offender Jeffrey Epstein has brought a whole new heap of worries.

You see Prince Andrew was pictured with Mr Epstien in November 2010, despite the man being convicted in 2008 of child sex offenses, which requires him to be on the sex offender’s register.

Now what I can't understand is at the very least; as a member of the Royal Family (let alone a representative of British business overseas) he could knowingly associate himself with a convicted child sex offender? Even if it is in the guise of ‘business’ I mean he could have predicted the headlines from a mile off! I was dumbfounded …that was until (as I said) I stumbled across this article on Netmums: Birth Order Matters: Your Middle Child

I don't know for some reason when I thought about Prince Andrew’s latest saga and just the why’s of it; I got to thinking about his family dynamics:  Charles (eldest Son & heir apparent) & Edward (the baby & stable)… a few snippets from the Netmums article really opened my eyes…

'Your middle child may struggle to identify her place within the family. Neither the cherished firstborn nor the endearing baby, she might lean towards attention-seeking behaviour, and could even have a propensity for generating negative attention' 

Well... some people are saying Prince Andrew's behaviour has brought the Royal Family into disrepute, not only that; although he is now said to be relinquishing all ties with Mr Epstein Number 10 don't appear to be appeased, so we will have to wait and see how this pans out for him.

Another snippet from Netmums:

'Middle children can be poor decision-makers’

In the case of Prince Andrew I think an understatement! 

So there you have it BDSS'ers just some of my random musings of the week! Thought I'd share... what have been some of yours? Are you as tickled as the rest of the world seems by Charlie Sheens rants? is he winning or Gaddafi's rants? is he losing (his mind!)

Muse away...

Disclaimer: please note I'm only joking re middle children, if you click on the link you will see many positive aspects of middle child(ism) but for the purpose of the article I have just copied and pasted the best bits! Propaganda

*itch Tried to Fight Me In The Street... (Deuces)

Hello BDSS’ers have you ever had one of those days where you realise there are some real nutcase’s out there? Well… my Saturday just happened to be one of those days...

You see it started off just like any ordinary Saturday.  Sel and I had planned to meet a cousin for lunch at Marco Pierre White's restaurant in Knightsbridge for some fine dinning and a catch up. That plan got scuppered which although was a shame, it was not the end of the world; we just went to our default restaurant … Nando’s! (yummy)

Just a bit of background… me, Sel and our Cousin used to frequent Nando’s a lot back in the day - I'm talking one day my cousin looked at her bank statement and every other transaction was for Nando’s; we ate there practically every week! ha

Any ways back to crazy people…

So picture Sel and me in my car headed down her road to begin the hour or so journey to Nando’s.

Now the road is narrow, with cars parked on either side so you have to stop and give way; and use basic road etiquette and common sense. I get near the end of the road, my lane is clear, a car is parked on the other side of the road and a women who has just turned into the road decides to quickly drive pass the car on her side hence blocking my clear lane! hmm

As I said you got to use your common sense, and my sense told me seeing as she clearly lacked the common sense to realise it was my right of way, its unlikely she will have the etiquette to reverse back.

So I reverse back (and then forward again -yes two manoeuvres!) to accommodate this ‘ladies’ lack of road awareness…

Now I know what your wondering BDSS’ers… did I get a thank you? …Nope! Instead this lady drives pass giving me the evil eye and mouthing off!

So obviously because I thought I was doing her a favour (even though it was my right of way) I gave her the evil eye right back and indicated (with two fingers) what is your problem? And proceeded to go about my day…

… Well with that… My girl only jumped out her car and was making gestures (in my rear view) as if to challenge me to a fight/ a dual/ a rumble! LMAO – I could not believe it!

You see, I was not that upset! - I mean you mouthed off at me, I mouthed off at you -we’re even, no?

Also although I am a yellow strip in Taekwondo (I am deadly! ha) and probably Sel would have had my back! I really did not have the time or the inclination to fight! Ha-ha...Let’s just say she was in the middle of the road fixing to fight herself! kmt

So there you have it BDSS’ers crazy encounter numero 1 – *itch want to fight me in the street! (she needs to read this: What is road rage?)

Numero 2: We get to Wood Green car park and I’m trying to find a space. As I’m going up the slopes to get to the next level I encountered an overzealous horn user. Now I don’t know if it was because she was in a rush (or she had poor clutch control) … but every time I stopped she beeped! Lawd help me

Again common sense and road etiquette would tell you I’ve not stopped just to piss you off!

Anyway having already learned earlier that people actually will jump out their car and try to fight you over stupidity; I ignored her and gave her the evil eye as she drove passed! Ha-ha –(no I didn't), but we did laugh a lot when people beeped at her with her slow parking self… Karma *itch!

So anyways we finally get to Nando’s, enjoying my cousins company (she is getting married and was filling me in on all the details); plus the 1/4 chicken with chips! We’re all excited and gushing in the way women do regarding marriage and stuff!

Now I’ve looked around as you do and caught the eye of a women and her another women who looked to be her mother … before I knew it these two women are not only staring me down! (Even thought I don’t think I was staring in the first place) but also indicated to this other guy to look in my direction?? hmm

My thought process at that moment was: omg… what is going on today! … Wait? Are they really screwing me or am I having a stare down contest? *a quick peak* omg mother dearest is sucking her chicken bone and the contempt is clear on her screw face!  lmao…

(The last time I got screwed that hard was in 1993, the first day of secondary school!)

Sigh, I must say if I was a different person…  but I like to fight fire with water and I don’t let people’s craziness ruin my day!

So anyways BDSS’ers… should I have fought her? Have you ever had one of those days were people (and their mother) seem determined to fight you? Or just piss you off? Also, it just dawned on me all three aggressors were women, does that mean something?

Deuces… (let the battle begin in comments!)