Royal Wedding (Prince William and Kate)

Ah the most talked about wedding of 2011 is almost upon us! it will be taking place tomorrow as if you didn't know lol! You can't escape the hype surrounding Prince William and Kates wedding!

While I wish the couple well, I can't help but chuckle at all the hysteria surrounding it!

From the very first day that the engagement was announced, I've not been able to read a newspaper or watch a news program without some sort of article or lead story being written about it! We Brits love a Royal wedding.

First there was the initial relief that he asked her at all which I guess just perpetuates the idea that every woman is incomplete unless she has a husband by her side!

Next there has been all the anticipation about what her dress will be like, and who will be designing it! As if Katherine is some sort of style icon! whoever ran out and bought imitaitons of the blue dress she wore in the picture above, shame on you! Its an okay dress but it's not much to get excited by. Although I'm sure she will look fabulous in her wedding dress.

Then there is also all the hype surrounding the guestlist, who has been invited and who hasn't! If like me and Tony Blair you haven't been invited...not to worry...you're in the majority lol!

I can count on one hand the number of people I know who will be venturing down to Westminster to try and catch a glimpse of the couple on the day, the majority of people I know will be like me not be bothered one bit and will probably try to avoid it on tv.

But BDSS'ers what are your views and thoughts and feelings of this Royal wedding? What about the hype surrounding it? Do you care?

Good Vibrations

Now any readers with a sensitive disposition I love ya, but please read another post because I wouldn’t want to offend anybody. I will see you at my next post which won’t be based around sex - I promise!

So there I was having a lovely cuppa with my girl J, and we got to talking about numerous things to do with sex. Call me ‘Ms Out There’ - but yes, I ain’t gonna lie, I am not a prude and I do love a good ol sex chat with my ladies. Over our glasses of wine - or tea, me and the ladies are able to discuss our latest experiences, offer advice or have a giggle (we‘ve had plenty of those), plus get tips! Now I’ve had mind blowing experiences when it comes to sex, but unfortunately on certain occasions there have been times where it’s been lets say - rubbish! You know the times when you are FAKING it ladies, but in your mind you are counting down the thrusts, listening to your fake ass moans, and just thinking ‘hurry up and come, hurry up and come’. Now this could be because the man is rubbish in bed, hasn’t warmed the oven properly, or you are just not in the mood.

Now a few years back I was temping at Erotica which is an annual Adult Porn Industry exhibition here in London. I wasn’t, may I add doing anything untoward! I was actually walking around taking surveys from the normal and very weird folk that attended. My main reason for working there was having the opportunity to see Dita Von Tease perform her wonderfully seductive show for free loads of times, plus I had always been curious about what the show was about. Well I can honestly say I saw and experienced things that I never want to see AGAIN, Debs knows exactly what I mean!

At the end of the show all the workers got a goody bag with all sorts of things in it. Body paint, Nipple Tassels, Whips, Hand Cuffs and a Vibrator. I was single at the time so was a little disappointed that I couldn’t put my freebies to good use. It’s then I properly clocked the vibrator which was tiny, I was no stranger to vibrators having been brought one by an ex, but this one didn’t look like much at all. I read the wrapper and it was a called a bullet ‘The Ultimate Clitoral Stimulator’ hmmm I thought, I tossed it to one side and thought nothing of it.

One particular day I was feeling …….. (I will let you fill in the space) and clocked ‘The Bullet’, well I don’t know if any of you have watched the episode of Sex in The City when Charlotte gets addicted to her vibrator….Well that was me! I would actually come home, make sure the coast was clear and get that thing out daily, I was hooked! That little bit of plastic sent me to places that any man would find it difficult to send me for numerous reasons, the main ones being:

A. It never required anything in return!

B. It never got tired.

C. I could use it when I felt like it!

D. I could place it exactly where I liked and it would stay put!

After a few weeks the thing ran out of battery, and I started to realise that although it had the positives stated above, it didn’t replace true intimacy with someone you are attracted to and love. So I actually never replaced the batteries, but can look back on my love affair with my vibrator with fond memories.

So BDSS ladies have you had any such experiences with sexual objects? Or perhaps your only sexual object could only ever be a man?! Readers please share your thoughts too.

I Hate All Chain Mail (email, text or letter) and Even Daisy Chains...

I can pinpoint the exact moment when my dislike of all things chain mail began…

Picture me at home aged approximately 7 or 8. My family and I are having a relaxing afternoon together (I think it was a Sunday) when all of a sudden the mail flap sounds.

My mum goes into the hallway to pick up the letter that has been dropped through our letter box and within a split second what was a relaxing afternoon turns into PANIC, MAYHEM & MADNESS (or at least in my 7 or 8 year old mind), that's right we got a chain letter!

Example: Classic Chain Letter

To be honest I can't really remember the exact details of the chain letter, but what I do know is as with every chain letter (mail or text) if we did not act immediately (i.e., pass it on within 60 seconds) we faced certain/imminent gloom and DOOM! (Possibly financial ruin, heart break and ill health!).

The whole house was in a panic BDSS'ers believe me. Especially as my mother is a superstitious woman (superstitious is probably not the correct word) I don't want you to think she is crazy however like many Caribbean people she believes in obeah/voodoo and the like, so breaking 'the chain' was not something to be taken lightly.

I can't actually remember what my mother did in the end, whether she passed it on or not. So theoretically speaking maybe the events of my families life's has been a direct result of the action taken after that chain letter arrived (who knows).

So there you have it BDSS'ers that was my first chain letter experience and unfortunately it has not been my last.

In school I remember the chain letters took the more love orientated approach: 'Send to ten people and the one you love will ask you out, will kiss you or will declare their love for you. If you don't pass this on you will be loveless for the rest of your life! :-(

Recently I have noticed the chain letter (mail or text)has taken on another form... a more 'If you love Jesus pass to ten people and a miracle will happen' with a if you don't past on to 10 people in 10 seconds then you don't love Jesus undertone.

Now as someone who loves Jesus, however whose first experience of chain mail was a frightening and panic ridden one, I always find myself in a kind of quandary.

As in I really do love the Lord, however I don't believe in chain letters…. I PANIC all over again!

It's like I revert back to that 7 year old child… thinking what do I do?

So I was wondering BDSS'ers what do you do when you receive a chain mail or text? Do you pass it on within 10 seconds or do you press the delete button?
Also do you believe in the power of the unbroken chain? What does it say about me that I don't pass on a Jesus chain?

London Marathon - Children with Leukaemia Fund Raising!

So if you follow TheBDSS on twitter (twitter/com/TheBDSS) then you may know that yesterday mine and Sel's father Rawley P ran the Virgin London Marathon –woo!

Upon finishing he updated his Facebook status (yes practically our whole family is on FB) with the following:

‘Completed the marathon in tremendous pain, started getting bad cramps at 16 miles and for the last 10 miles had to visit St John’s Ambulance tent’s for massages regularly, but I finished; all be it in 6hours and 4 minutes but in the end it was not about the TIME I finished but about the good times my fundraising will give to children suffering from Leukaemia. My pain will be their gain…’

Aww so modest. Just want to say how proud we are of him. This is his second London Marathon the first one he ran in aid of the Teenage Cancer Trust; and now in aid of Children with Leukaemia.

Unfortunately cancer does not discriminate so we all probably know someone who has been affected by cancer therefore what he is doing and has done is commendable.

He is also throwing a fund raising dance on 7th May 2011. Location: Stratford in London all proceeds going to Children with Leukaemia.

Therefore I would encourage you BDSS’ers to come out on the 7th May to lend your support to a great and worthy cause.

Tickets are £10 and it’s from 7pm -12am so you still have time (if your not too partied out) to go on to some other none worthy rave! haha

For tickets and details you can email us here: info@thebdss.com

Just some interesting facts about Rawley P:

1) He is what some would call a ‘gym freak’. If he is not at work you can find him in the gym, it’s like his second home. Not only that his gym people are like his second family.

2) He once had a 100 metre race with a man 15 years his junior. He reasoned it was a win-win situation:
‘As I'm older if I loss people won't be surprised because well.. I'm older. However if I win people will be surprised and I will get all the adulation’… by the way he WON –lol (it was the most hilarious thing I've ever witnessed) - so he is great fun!

3) His 50th birthday party was a road block event. I’m talking cars parked illegally on the pavement, on double yellow lines etc. There was just no place to park!

…Therefore BDSS’ers tickets for the fund raising event are likely to sell out fast! So in order to not miss out on a good night and a great cause email us now… info@thebdss.com xoxo

*Update - You can donate here: Rawle Phillips Fundraising Page

The Dating Game!

So on a lazy Sunday afternoon and after an eventful week, I'm using this opportunity to wind down and catch up on my TV programmes, filling the gaps with some that I don't normally watch but which caught my interest. 

Dinner Date (bear with me people!) is a show where people 'hope to find true love through their love of good food'. You have a singleton (we'll refer to him as 'John') who embarks on three blind dates where the prospective ladies will cook dinner for him; he selects his dates by choosing the best three menus from five. After attending all three dates, he would then choose his most compatible date and take them out to dinner to return the compliment.

Date 1 was a pleasant enough woman, articulate and good company. 'John' was worried about those awkward silent moments but this date proved otherwise. Bearing in mind they had never met before, rugby loving 'John' was instantly attracted and the feeling appeared to be mutual. Both used the word 'cute' to describe the other to the camera and they seemed to hit it off really well. He had a love of elephants and she happened to be wearing a necklace with an elephant pendant, he loved red wine and she unknowingly had uncorked his most favourite red wine, they both love travelling but most of all, she preferred rugby over football - result!! He wolfed down her food and really struggled to sit still and not help out - added result!! Seems as though the game was over before it even got started as they couldn't have had more in common and their chemistry was undeniable. She was definitely encouraged and wanted to see him again.

Date 2 was a Brazilian lady who at 6 feet tall was a good four inches taller than our 'John'; something that became quite obvious to both at the point of meeting. She had dressed down all the things she didn't like in a man and this included those who were noticeably shorter than her (which I suppose is fair enough at 6ft!). They eventually moved past this and her Brazilian menu seemed to go down a treat, considering he hadn't ever tried half the dishes before. Although it was a polite and enjoyable date, they seemed to have to work towards having chemistry which naturally, isn't something that requires work. She had in no uncertain terms said that she thought rugby was a gay man's sport (falling and rubbing up on each other - like footballers don't do the same?!) and although the date ended pleasantly, it didn't seem to spark off properly for either of them.

Date 3 (who looked to be the youngest of the three) loved the idea of cooking a meal for man who would rave about it to his friends. Looks were apparently not important, although she loved nice eyes and smile and was looking for a 'wow factor'. 'John' seemed to be immediately taken with Date 3 and couldn't take his eyes off her. However, she when asked said she doesn't fancy him but is looking forward to the dinner (not the date, then!). I think it's safe to say she really wasn't feeling him at all as there were clearly moments of 'awkward silence' but she was polite enough to see the evening through, reconfirming at the end of the night that he simply isn't her type. 'John' however was completely smitten.

Now it was time for 'John' to decide who he would like to see again and take out to dinner and the two who will be receiving a ready meal for one. I thought his choice was a simple one since he had found Date 1 attractive, mutually engaging and lots in common but needless to say; he went with Date 3 - the date who gave him the lowest score!!! I had to do a double take because I thought I had heard wrong - he even acknowledged that he was more flirty with her but wasn't sure whether or not it was received well!

To kill it further, Date 3 said that "if he chose me I would be flattered but relieved if he didn't". In the end, Date 1 (whilst eating her ready meal for one!) said that she felt strangely relieved and was in fact glad at the end result. I feel that she was trying to save face having already admitted to wanting to see him again earlier on.

To me, the show reflected exactly what's going on in today's world of dating. Once the element of choice is involved, the grass sometimes looks much greener when in actual fact it's a mirage. He was able to see all the qualities of Date 1 and the similarities that they shared and admitted to being attracted upon meeting and getting to know her, but it still wasn't enough to intercept the physical attributes that Date 3 appeared to offer, even though she wasn't as forthcoming. Maybe this is what my male friends mean when they say that men love a chase more so than someone who lets them know they're interested.

Am I the only one confused by today's world of dating?? Are there no old school morals or practices left? What do we single women have to do not to cross that very fine line of showing interest but still allowing the men their scope of chasing? What do you think BDSSers? Any tips you single men out there?

Oh, and for your information - one month later:
- Dates 1 and 2 are still single
- Date 3 stayed for dessert
- 'John' is still single!!

Tips On Life

Last week I was driving back from an appointment, I hate motorways, A roads, Dual Carriage Ways, or any other situations that require me to go fast in my car, so I decided to take the scenic route, even though I didn’t know my way home that way.

At first my journey was carefree and pleasurable, the sun was shining, I was listening to my Aaliyah, and my baby was fast asleep in the back - Bliss. After half an hour I noticed that I had gone around in one big circle, and I actually didn’t know where the hell I was, or my way back home. I was in fact lost! I whipped out my mobile for my Sat Nav app, and the thing had crashed. Not knowing where I was going, was turning from being a blissfully carefree situation, into a nightmare. By now the baby was screaming down the car, I had remembered that I had a repair man coming for 1pm and had only had an hour to get home. I managed to pull over, whip out my A-Z and work out my way back at home, just making it back in time to catch the repair man, who was waiting outside. On my journey I remember thinking that this journey would make a great anecdote on life for my next post.

Often like many others I suppose I have often lived my life without much thought, just going with the flow and taking what life has thrown at me. I have also made choices spontaneously, enjoying the blissful carefree feeling of the unknown, but then regretting my actions when I have hit an obstacle or pot hole.

One of the things that I have learnt in my 27 years is the importance of planning, and also really getting to grips with who you are. It can actually be really hard taking time out for yourself, especially with the demands of work, education, family, and friends. So I have recently set aside at least half an hour each day for myself to meditate. It’s enabled me to really think about decisions that I need to make, and helps bring clarity to any problems I may have. When you are emotionally in touch with yourself, it makes knowing your direction in life easier. It also helps you to find ‘Mr or Mrs Right’ because you actually know what you require from a partner, and whether they match you and your desires.

There have been times in my life that I have actually ran away from myself, it sounds strange doesn’t it? But it’s true, sometimes we can be scared of what we may uproot when we focus on ourselves, so we bury our own needs deep within, covering our feelings with the soil of our partners needs, our families needs, and our friends needs. Believe me, when you grab your spade of strength and start to shovel away that emotional soil to get back to you, you will feel happier. Others cannot make you happy and content if you don’t feel that way within. If you are feeling low, get out your pen and paper and start planning your life it’s exciting to do! Think of all the possibilities that YOU can create, think about what you plan on doing in the next year or 5 years. This will be you own personal A-Z, something solid that you can look at when you are in a traffic jam or have lost your way. Make time for yourself! It doesn’t have to be meditating, do things that you enjoy - make yourself happy. Think of the past, and the choices you have made that have made you happy or sad this will help you in the future.

It is very easy to go around in a big circle if you don’t plan and reflect, and I really encourage this.
You can be blissfully carefree, with the knowledge that you have direction it makes life’s journey so much easier.

So my BDSS crew, have you got any tips on life that you can share with us for our journey‘s?

OGNiki - Oh Dear

Hmmm this is a rap by a 17 year old female called OGNiki, its become quite a talking point over the last few days due to the fact that she is rapping about her sexual exploits.

She has become a trending topic on twitter, and apparently there is some explicit video to accompany this track (I don't know- its not something I choose to search out!).

Listen to the lyrics people...(Shaking my head!), now some naïve young people I've seen on different forums are trying to say she is like Trina and lil kim, and that boys have been rapping about sex for ages so its about time the girls start doing the same (as if its part of some equal opportunities gender movement), but I'm just not convinced by this argument. She isn't waving any banners for female girl's sexual choices or preferences.

She is basically rapping, that she slept with 6 men in one session, while other girls sleep with less, so she is the shit in comparison! Which is just nonsense of the highest kind!!!
She is basically saying I'm easy so pick me! Oh and listen to me Rap! She is clearly desperate for fame. Willing to be some sort of porn star rapper at just 17.

Grown men/women, rapping/singing about sex I can listen to and accept.

Children doing it, I just can't.

If your young and watching/listening to this video and getting idea's.... don't....!!!

And if your older watching and listening to this video and thinking its okay she is past the age of consent.....your just perverse (imagine if that's your daughter, son, niece or nephew)!!!


If this was my child rapping this song I'd feel I'd gone wrong somewhere.

I'm Not Your Mother I'm Your Women...

If you follow us regularly you will have seen Ladyabouttown aka Bi’s recent post regarding relationships, particularly the difficulty when there is a hunter-gatherer complex in the mix (please see here) and disagreement regarding the roles of men and women.

In essence Bi asked the question should gender roles be so rigid in relationships. i.e., the man goes to work and earns the money, whilst the women stays home, take's care of the kids (the home & every thing else).

The majority of commentators responded with a ‘no’ to the idea of gender role’s being so rigid; and I can’t say I was surprised as we live in modern times.

Anyways I don't know why but Bi’s post  (and possibly mother's day) got me thinking about roles in relationships that myself and I’m guessing many women (and some men) would not like to play: Your mother, Your personal financier and Your therapist/punching bag…

Your mother
You never came from my womb; I never nursed you at my breast... in other words you are not my child! (Or dependent), therefore I could not imagine ever weighting on you hand and foot. Nor could I imagine or even expect you to weight on me. The possible only exception being as a result of illness which leads to you having an inability to cook, clean, or contribute.

The reason why is because I grew up in a household were if I was hungry I made a sandwich simple as. If I woke up in the morning and my school shirt needed ironing, I ironed it. What I did not do is wait for my mother to come home from her job and ask her to make the sandwich or iron my shirt for me. I listened to my hunger pangs and acted accordingly and I’ve been ironing since I was a child, plus my dad makes delicious meals, so for me to get my head around a grown person not knowing how to do basis daily things such as cooking and cleaning is a stumbling block (all be it a personal one).

Another reason I have no desire to be your mother is because I already have a child and it isn’t easy picking after them, so why would I need that extra stress of having a grown up child? How will that enhance my quality of life?

Heck even people without children don’t want a grown child as a partner, imagine trying to carry yourself to success whilst having to carry someone else because lets face it if you can’t do it and are not willing to learn then it’s just plain laziness.

Further to that just know if you are 25 (I’m being really generous here) and you don’t know how to at the very least to make tuna pasta, wash your clothes or clean the toilet bowl you got serious problems!

Your personal Financer
Sure a little help from me from time to time with a bill or two won’t hurt the relationship maybe you had an unexpected expense that has thrown your money off.
However if every month you are asking me to fork out for your basic’s such as rent/mortgage payment, loans, credit cards and then the not so basic stuff such as your mobile phone bill, your baby mother’s maintenance, your car payment that is in MY name (if I was silly) because you have bad credit and the loan in your sisters name again because of your funny credit, that is a relationship killer right there.

I mean every man (and women) should know how to manage their money at the very least to keep a roof over their head and put food on the table.

Sure there are times when things get out of hand, it’s a recession, things are harder, you were made redundant that is fine but I definitely don’t want to be your personal financer if you would rather spend your money on clothes, creps and flashy things all the while your facing eviction!

Further to that there is nothing more unappealing than a partner with their money priorities messed up. I mean I would be annoyed if I have to foot the bill all the time because you lost your money on a horse.

On a final note…

Your Therapist/punching bag)
What? No thanks… I don’t want to feel like I’ve gone 9 rounds with Mike Tyson because I asked you how your day was.

Or we had a disagreement about whose turn it is to clean the dishes

Or because I stayed out a little later than I planned and did not call (you always assume the worst)

Or because your mother/brother/ex partner was a horrible person

Or because you have ‘issues’ with opening up so you hold it inside until it explodes… on ME.

You know what I mean BDSS’ers it’s the classic my ex-partner cheated on me so now YOU got to pay mentality.

Whilst to a point I might try and understand your pain and work with you, if after a time I’m still walking on eggshells and your issues are stealing my joy or even worse you lash out verbally or physically on ME because of your issues. I’m gone.

I am not a licensed therapist I’m your women. Seek Help

So there you have it BDSS’ers just a few roles I would not like to play whilst in a relationship. Can you think of any others?

Make Ups to Break Ups

So here I am, finally ready to admit defeat.

I tried, he may have tried too in his own way, but we are just not on the same page.
Sure I can rant on today about why it came to this, the pressures that were against us, but sometimes you just have to exhale, let that go, and accept that we just were not compatible for numerous reasons.

One of the main issues that we had was the fact that he felt it was my role to be the main person to take responsibility for the home, and children, whilst he goes out to work, comes home and does (in a nutshell) nowhere near as much as me - the hunter gatherer complex. I have always worked, I'm currently on maternity leave, but I have always felt the need to contribute to the household income, or when I was single financially provide for me and my son. But still when I was working, I still felt like a slave to the home. Every time I said something I was nagging, and was confronted by what I will say was a chauvinistic attitude. If I wanted to go out after work, I would have to book him way in advance, yet it was nothing for me to receive a call last minute stating that he would be home late due to going out with his boss, a call that I actually received the night before I gave birth to our youngest child. Fortunately after a heated discussion he came home without a hangover, and without having to be confronted by my mother who would have let all hell break loose if he had had a hangover the morning I went into labour.

Anyway there I was feeling unsupported, having to do the chores for 3 children full-time and 1 part-time, whilst having what I call the minimal contribution from him at home, and also feeling that my own self was being pushed further and further way until I couldn't breathe. What happened to the woman that wanted to lecture and got into SOAS? What happened to the Publishing Manager? The Poet? The Creative Writer? Indeed these capabilities were still within, but because I was not getting the support I felt I needed at home, I felt 'I' was fading away fast.

Of course there is his side, he worked hard, and had stresses that I perhaps don't understand, but it seems it was my life that was changing fast, yet the acknowledgement that both our lives should be adapting to having three additional children in as many years (1 step-child each) should go both ways. I knew I would never be happy not sharing certain responsibilities such as cooking and cleaning, baring in mine there were 4 children to think about, and to me his way of thinking was old skool to the max. Yes I accept I am a woman and will probably take on more than any man, but at the same time I just cannot understand the logic of thinking that because you are the man in the relationship, certain things are beyond you.

Now we are apart it's hard, I'm not going to lie, but we were making each other miserable. We accept that I need someone who's hands on with everything, and he needs someone who understand that he's hands off!
So BDSS ladies, do you think it's right that gender roles are clearly defined like back in da day? Or do you think that we should chip in no matter what gender we are? Thoughts please!

Happy Mother's Day

I remember going to see Boyz II Men a few years ago with the BDSS’s. The show was great because as well as Boyz II Men we were treated to the seductive sounds of Joe who has too many classics’ to mention (a personal favourite “Thing’s your man won’t do”).

We were also treated to the delights of everyone’s favourite ‘Grown man business’ crooner Brian McKnight (again another personal favourite “Anytime”).

Trust me BDSS’ers it was definitely a night to remember and my voice was horse from alternately singing and screaming for two hours none stop.

(FYI Brian McKnight has been my grown man crush since forever, a bit like Denzel Washington).

Anyway back to the point of this post…

Boyz II Men being of the “Song for Mama” fame proceeded at the end of the night to tell everyone to pull out their mobile phone’s. Put the loudspeaker on. And… Call their mother’s!

A wonderful intention but to which most of the crowds response was a resounding huh *sigh*

Luckily we at the BDSS love our mother’s dearly so as it mother's day (just about)… here is to all those mothers, our own and other people’s mothers who have inspired and touched our lives, even those who are no longer with us.

Happy Mothers Day!

I’m going to be like Boyz II Men and ask you’ll to participate by speaking some mother love in comments…