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| Where is he? |
I can't lie as I look around the manscape there appears to be a shortage of great men.
Now obviously before I go off on one it would be a good idea for me to define what a 'great' man means.
Now you can refer to Sel's recent post: Very Smart Men a Turn Off; she discusses the problem’s which befall "mature, intelligent, ambitious men" in relationships.
My idea of a great catch is a man who is emotionally stable, respectful, loving, considerate, affectionate, someone I can trust that their actions are in the best interest of 'us', someone who is supportive of me and my goals and all that other good stuff.
Ok I'll admit I found defining a great man a difficult task (ask me what not great looks like ha-ha!), but I think I know one when I see one, so seriously lately I have been wondering... where are all the great men at?
You know them upwardly mobile men who are not intimidated by a great women; who when they find a great women they are not afraid to go all the way. They have no issues they need to resolve before they can love you. They have no baby mother's who pop out the woodworks. They have no old school idea's about the roles of women and men that excuses them from helping with the dishes every now and again; and finally them men who are just not stupid enough to risk a great relationship over some silliness.
Around here it come like there is a serious drought of great men, it's like the Sahara all mirage but no actual water.
If he’s not cheating, he's stalking. If he hasn’t left you to sort out his 'issues' he not taking care of the financial agreement; and if he can't get his own way in the relationship (i.e., your not willing to work, come home and wait on him hand and foot) he'd rather throw the whole thing away.
Or the killer he no longer wants the relationship but does not want you to be with someone else, therefore he interferes in your dating life.
Will the real great man please stand up…(I know their out there).
So what do you think BDSS'ers is there a shortage or a drought? Where can an upstanding woman find an upstanding man? Also what is your definition of a great man (or women)?
Stand up
Lol a paragraph on a great man and the rest on the rest. Greatness just like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This reads like a mate of mine talking about girls but instead of 'Great man' insert 'Beautiful woman'!
ReplyDelete@anonymous, well I did say I found it difficult to define (my first attempt was even worse) lucky my other half (who by the way is great!) was on hand and told me to flesh it out a bit, but I still found it difficult!
ReplyDeleteI guess that might be part of the problem.
How can you find something if you don't know what your looking for?
That's why we need some clear definitions bdss'ers so get commenting.
As for your friend what does he mean? on the outside they are beautiful but on the inside they are ugly?
It is true what is great to one person may not be great to someone else.
@hahaha Anon does this sound like you? "They have old school idea's about the roles of women and men that excuses them from helping with the dishes every now and again:)"
ReplyDeleteI'm a little concerned here, because very few people I know (Si you are in a minority) have a Great Man that they are truly happy with. I have issues with just about every man I've dated and acknowledge perhaps it also starts at home, like you said Si perhaps I need to sort out my own definitions. I know in the past I have had definitions which I've readily applied to men rather than waiting to see if they are actually my definitions which led to issues!
They must be out there but are they a minority? I was speaking to Sel on the way to yours on Sunday and got to thinking are African Caribbean excluding more possibilities of meeting even more great men because they tend not to date out of their race? I don't know, I think there are loads of issues circulating out there and it's time for change!
My Definition of a great man: Loving and emotionally in touch with himself. Humble (I hate egos). Generous, not just materialistically, but with time and understanding. Honest. Ambitious I think an ambitious man makes you ambitious too! Not defined by traditional male/female gender definitions able to clean the house but also fix the car! Attractive (to me) although I think certain qualities make an average man more attractive. Good between the sheets (Come on ladies you know what I mean!) Intelligent. Not just academically. Spiritual So important, I need depth. Paternal. Some men aren't, whether they have kids or not, but it is very important. Caring. A man that is self obsessed with himself and his own isn't nice, I like men that care about other people and issues.
ReplyDeleteThe list goes on and on! Obviously I don't expect someone to have All of these traits, but most would be nice :D
@Lady about town...
ReplyDeleteAll I know in this world is that like stays with like on this level that's why behind every great man there's a great woman. So isn't the reverse also true?
And the converse is.... if an individual (man or woman) can't be with a great member of the other sex it's likely due to them being not so great themselves - even if they think they are!
Not necessarily Lyndon,there are loads of reasons women or men find themselves with lesser beings!
ReplyDelete@Lady about town - In short search within to find whatever you wish! Or you could just search about town - LOL!
ReplyDelete@Lyndon I definitely agree finding a great partner starts within.
ReplyDelete@Ladyabouttown aka Bi, I love your definitions!
Great post Si LOL!
ReplyDeleteTaking the thread back a notch, I think that is difficult finding a good man - let alone a great man!! And the issues you outlined are unfortunately extremely common to the point it's perceived to be the 'norm' and if you as a woman refuse to take certain behaviours, you're viewed as the one being difficult or high maintenance.
As women, however, we often sharpen the rods for our own backs by allowing ourselves to accept certain terms and behaviours that we ordinarily would never endorse in the hope that the end result will be worth the effort or sacrifice; hence the mirage and the theory that love can be blind.
In addition to Bi's definition of a great man, I think that humility, empathy, reciprocity and a little foresight wouldn't go a miss either. Also, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, which I can't stand!
A man who's not afraid to do laundry knows himself, the cooking AND the washing up if he thinks it'll make me smile or relax. His manhood isn't threatened just because I earn more or decide to put the shelf up myself with the power drill. If these things do bother him, I'd like to think that he'd aspire towards attaining a more fulfilling position and grab the tools before I get the chance to, rather than complaining that I'm to independent for my own good!
http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshh5RKFD1t6eJR721Q4 real song ladies listen
ReplyDeleteGood listening Anon - thanks very deep!
ReplyDeleteYes where are you great men, because boy i have been on the bloody market for a while and nothing great comes my way and out of that i have become really picky and i hate that bloody bar that i have so high. However certain standard i refuse to let go off. So where the heck are you come find me, i would put my number down but then again i don't want to weirdo's calling me. best way to find a good guy is to judge him how he treats his mum :)
ReplyDelete@madeformakeup, I think having some standards is a good thing, it's when they become ridiculous thats where people create problems for themselves.
ReplyDeleteI mean I once read an article about a lady who exchanged numbers with a guy who according to her ticked all the right boxes (I can't remember what her boxes were exactly) except one... I think he was either a Christian or non Christian or something along them lines... she never even contacted him to even get to know him. As I read it I thought to myself really?
I know religion is important, but not to even contact the guy I thought was a bit harsh who knows he might convert or it might be possible to have a loving relationship you Christian him none Christian.
Behind every great man is a great woman
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjkTMHIB1ZI
@Anonymous are you trying to insinuate little Wayne is a catch? because he got 10 baby mammas behind him, motivating him?
ReplyDeleteGreat men are not found, they are created/ cultivated, hence why great men are scarce..... I would advise all you lovely ladies to find a man with the raw materials, then with your love and wisdom he can become great...the reverse is also true!
ReplyDeleteThat is a great suggestion @anonymous. I was reading the article below yesterday which I think pretty much sums up what you just said.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.christianarants.com/2011/02/considering-men-with-potential.html
Christinarants is a great blog.
Im glad its not just me going through this...
ReplyDeleteI was with my partner for just over a year in that time I did everything for him, supported him financially (while continuing to pay for my own bills, rent, kids etc), paid for a holiday away as he wasnt being paid very well in his job, motivated him to be more in his life (a man with wonderful potential but perhaps happy to be doormant and have his woman look after him), infact it would be fair to say i would take him out once or twice a week (never again will i do this for a man). In this time he slept with me unprotected while he was aware he had an STD, I guess love is blind as i chose to forgive him for this.
In turn I did the unforgivable and was unfaithful during the relationship, which he found out about, he chose to forgive me and move on as everything I had done previously for him in our time together I guess showed him that it was a moment of madness on my part.
The sad thing for me is as time went on he started to slowly but surely forget all the positives and started to use my one indescretion as toool to bully me with within the relationship and to control everything, all of a sudden the support, love, holiday, being taken out, the STD incident was all forgotten.
Being with him became intolerable in this enviroment and we agreed to part.......He then started slandering me and making out that all of a sudden I was this crazy mad person and telling anyone that would listen that I was no good and mad in the head.......which was strange as he stayed with this so called mad woman for months after he found out about my indescretion.....not out of force but because he knew he had it good.
Im fine with the fact that we are no longer together, It makes me realise that none of us are perfect but I feel a great man would of dealt with the situation a lot better.....
Hi Chloe thanks for sharing your experience with us. Wow you've been through a lot and I'm so glad that you've come out of it, hopefully feeling much better :) Even though it may seem like it was really tough being with him, I feel that experiences such as this teach us a lot about ourselves and what we want next time we enter another relationship.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest I don't think a great man would have put you through some of the things your ex did, or would have just taken wihout giving much back - except stress!
Your great man is out there hun, and now you know what crap you won't put up with, it should be easier finding him!