Connect With The BDSS

Wednesday 30 March 2011

Is etiquette a thing of the past?




Hey guys and gals sorry I have been gone for ages! But I’m back and will post as much as the kiddies will allow!

Well anyway, in short I want to know where common etiquette has gone. I recently went to visit a friend of mine, I may not be writing this post if it were not for me feeling extremely thirsty on this visit. Now we haven’t got the sort of friendship that means I can just go to her fridge and get a drink, so I waited, and waited and waited to be offered a drink. I never got one. Why didn’t you ask? You may be thinking, and rightly so, but some rules I think are just unspoken, and perhaps it’s down to me doing something that I occasionally do which is the etiquette test. 

This particular friend failed it 2-years prior when I brought around a bottle of wine (to share) she goes on to not offer me the wine I brought (it wasn’t a present) but to offer me water or tea. Now unless I already have a bottle open and they want it, my friends are offered wine, hey we BDSSers love wine! I would not except their wine and offer something else; it’s just an unspoken rule.

So going back to this friend, I and my kids left the house without a drink, and me thinking I will not be visiting her house for a while. My friend D who is the Queen when it comes to etiquette always indulged me when I visited her house when we were at school, and I must have commented on it. She told me her Grandma had told her a story of a homeless man that had visited a family and not been offered a drink so he died of thirst. This is the rule of thumb she went by, and it stayed with me forever. When I was young my mum use to tell me it’s rude not accept something if you are offered (when visiting someone’s house) when did not being offered become the norm?

When I was pregnant and travelling on the tube, my bump could be poking people in the face, and they would not get up most of the time. One man had the cheek to get up only after a lady offered, I took the lady’s seat!


So people, BDSSers am I being old school, should I just have asked for a drink and my wine? Or am I right to expect a drink (not dinner and dessert) when I visit friends?

8 comments:

  1. (Note to self... make sure to offer Bi a drink next time she visits) hahaha

    Did you really just get dinner and a desert with nothing to wash it down?

    I do think it is common courtesy when you have a guest to offer a drink, I mean we even offer tea to workmen when they visit to fix the plumbering, let a lone a friend with children!

    And to offer you tea and water instead of the wine you brought to share is looking kind of stingy!

    I don't blame you for not being in a hurry to go back. Although I think if you felt comfortable enough you should have asked for a drink, there may have been a good explanation why one was not offered, but maybe because of your previous experience; you knew better to ask.

    That story about the homeless man is good to remember because you never know what is going on in people's back life, so that little drink or meal you give someone could be the difference between them eating or going hungry for a day.
    I know back in the day when things were a little bit harder I had many meals I was really grateful for.

    As for being pregnant and standing on the tube I could not imagine anything worse!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol ha ha I did wonder to myself the last time you came round if I offered you a drink. I hope I did I can not say that I am the best hostest around but I'd like to think that I wouldnt go so far as to keep a visitors drink for myself whilst offering them water, that is just being crafty and stocking up your own fridge without catering for your visitors lol!

    ReplyDelete
  3. @ lmao - Stocking up their own fridge, not nice but probably true!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nah I don't think you're old school Bi because as Si said, you'd even offer the workmen a drink (well, maybe that's a no no in your friend's house lol!)

    It would have to be a mistake or I'm distracted for friends to come to my house and I don't offer them nothing to drink. . . not even from the bottle they just brought round kmt LOL - what cheek!!

    I suppose on a really thirsty day, I would have suggested that she crank open that wine!!

    Would've been more understandable if it were a gift or for a specific occasion but it was a clear enough it wasn't that!! lol

    ReplyDelete
  5. No Si I didn't get dinner and dessert :) I meant that I do not expect to get that when I visit someone but I would appreciate a drink. To be honest I'm not perfect, and know that there's been times where my manners have left me, I may even have gone to visit other friends and not been offered anything and not been bothered but I think this got to me because

    A. It was not the first time I had seen a certain level of slackness.

    B. I was darn thirsty!

    Please do not think you have to stock up the fridge and larder when you have me and the crew over, just make sure your tap is working though, tap water is good enough!

    ReplyDelete
  6. etiquette starts from the home, its like manners your parents should teach you things and you should be paying attention. It is a thing of the past, i mean come on get to someone house and you offer them a drink a dirty cup or don't offer them anything is just plain RUDE and i would not rush back, if they had no drink they should say listen i have no drink in my fridge at least you know, not be silent and hope they guess. My mother teaches me a lot even at times without saying it too me, i just watch. Plus going to people's homes seeing how the do thing even if its awful you learn what not to do.

    key thing for me
    *Being Clean
    *etiquette
    *dignity

    The way you carry yourself in all situations

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ladyabouttown what did you get then? my brain can not comprehend you we're at this person's house and they offered nothing, its unimaginable!

    They need to go back to school as clearly their mother/father or carergiver failed them @madeformakeup.

    I tell you the other day me and my mum visited three of her friends and I can say by the third visit I was stuffed! Every stop we had cake and a drink, and these were flying visits.

    That is how your suppose to do it!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sometimes you don't come from a great family but good influences don't just come from 1 place, so for me there is just no excuses.

    ReplyDelete