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Tuesday, 10 May 2011
Addictive relationships - Cryptonite Man
Everybody has something that they are addicted to and can not do without.
My own personal addiction is to gorgeous shoes, whenever I am out shopping I have to browse the shoe department/section without fail just incase there is a lovely and gorgeous pair of shoes ready to be purchased.
Other people are addicted to handbags, some to food, some to drugs,some to porn, and some to relationships. Whatever the addiction you just need that fix! It makes you feel better at least in the moment .... the long term repocussions are often not felt until later down the line.
What is an addictive relationship? How can you recognise the signs?
If you are reading this right now and you're looking over at your partner whom you've just recently allowed back into your life after numerous failed attempts at your relationship, and this is your 4th or 5th try, then it may be that your in an addictive relationship!
It can feel a little like this song by Kem:
And for various reasons you just keep going back!
The most common reasons for returning to the relationship no matter what state its in include feelings of love, being afraid that no one else will compare, great chemistry/sex, better the devil you know, maybe a partners saying everything you want to hear this time (they've changed, grown, they want the same things as you).
And I'm not talking about the kind of relationship where your together off and on for a year, I'm talking about the addicton where you do not see this person for years after a break up, but then as soon as you meet again, your wondering if this person is available to pick up where you left off, the first thing you want to ask them is not how are you, it's are you single? you start scanning their hand for a wedding ring lol, your addicted, so you instantly want them again!
You don't tell your friends about it straight away as you know that you shouldn't! You exchange details, again telling yourself it will be fine, nothing will happen, but I was addicted once so I know what happens.....Something always happens lol!
My relationship had ended with this person 5 years previously, it had been a very intense, fiery, relationship involving very strong feelings, it ended on less than favorable terms and we both moved on. Fast forward five years to a night I went clubbing, and he was there - my cryptonite man.
Who is Cry-Tonite man?
He is someone who get's you everytime....well for a period of time atleast! You want to be with him again, for one or other reason. He is like cryptonite in the sense that he makes you go weak for him. While you don't take no sh*t from any other man, you put up with all his sh*t!
Will it work a second, third time around? The chances seem very slim, there were reasons why you split up to begin with, often they will re-appear once the initial feelings of excitement die down.
So BDSS'ers have you ever been addicted to a particular relationship with someone? and after how many attempts and after how many years did you decide that it didn't work? Or maybe your in one of these relationships and it is working!
2 attempts over 5 years was enough for me to move on for good from this person....and it re-confirmed my belief of moving on and not looking or going back.
What do you think bdss'ers? Is it really fourth time lucky?