I'm sure my fellow bloggers and my lovely BDSS ladies will agree blogging can be hazadous for your relationships. When I say relationships I'm talking any relationship really (family, friends, work colleagues) but for the focus of this post I'm going to be talking about blogging whilst in a relationship.
I definitely know that a certain amount of self censorship goes into what will and won't appear on this here blog of ours. Also after pressing the 'publish' button I have experienced such worries as have I said something I shouldn't? Will this offend anyone? (possibly those close to me) or will anonymous come at me hard again! *Eek*
Anywhere were I have noticed an extreme hazard is love relationships particularly if things are not all stella then anything you write is likely to get scrutinzed by your other half and a lot of the time they take that post that you said about your worst sexual experience ever and assume you are talking about them! (when your not!)
Oh BDSS'ers if you were a fly on the wall in the background of The BDSS then you would be prevy to some serious insight into the male ego/psyche.
I can't tell you the amount of times one of these here post's have been taken in the wrong way by one of our other half's or previous halfs (for lack of a better description).
You only have to look at Liz Jone's of the Daily Mail she wrote about her marriage, her husband's affair, their break ups and make ups all for our comsumption and if I remember right her husband was not to pleased to be the fodder for our entertainment, which I guess is understandable.
However there is a big part of me that thinks if you as a man (in this case) or women are acting right then you should know that your partner is not likely to have a dig at you via the blog (notice I said 'not likely' not never!) and from knowing The BDSS ladies I can tell you anything we may say in reference to you it's more than likely we have said to your face, we are unlikely to refer to something out of the blue that you did not know about, like the fact you spend forever on your phone, laptop or addicted to PS3 and it annoys us, we have already told you so why you upset?!
Also I would like to add that the majority of the time its not about you!
Therefore please stop thinking that everything we write other people will know it's about you, because as mentioned above its not likely about you! :-) (that is a genuine smile right there)
Whilst saying all that I do realise that everyone takes what you say differently and what you meant to say can be lost in translation because obviously different people interpret things differently, thats what makes for fun and interesting conversations in the comment section...
So anyways BDSS'ers can you relate to what I'm saying, have you ever got in hot water with your other half over something you have said in a blog or maybe via FB or twitter and my fellow bloggers have you found blogging hazadous for your relationships? How have you handled it?
Leggo!
Lol I had plenty of discussions about the blog with my ex! but it was all good banter nothing relationship threatening!
ReplyDeleteI do remember a dinner at mine, with the other halfs and the talk of setting up a blog of their own to counter this one! I don't think they were happy at times.
It's a tough one. I think there's always topics you have a passion to write about but have to leave it by the wayside because you don't want to offend your other half (even though it would've been a dope post!)
ReplyDeleteBlogging is definitely hazardous for relationships because your other half will always be under the impression that you could be refering to them and airing out their business to 10s, hundreds or thousands of people is not cool to them. The best way to write a post that may include a period in your relationship is to generalise it as a representation of the whole gender rather than an individual story, I did it once and it worked a charm! ha!
But generally I stay away from it; lets just hope I never get Writer's Block for an extended period!
BWNG (www.brotherswithnogame.com)
Hello BWNG welcome and thanks for commenting (I'm really chuffed that you took the time to)
ReplyDeleteNote to self...generalize! hahah
I think it is the idea of letting a dope idea go that I find difficult to do like this is really good I really want to say it but I shouldn't especially relationship related because I have a whole heap to say about my own and other peoples :o haha
But ultimately it is about drawing the thin line between 'keeping it real' and also protecting the feelings of the one's you love *le sigh*...with great blogging comes great responsibility
as a blogger it is very hard, but you have to remember it is not personal or you would not write anything for fear of hurting someone's feelings. Its a skill to learn to write things without putting a lot of I and your own personal feelings, i guess that would be the key if you know you are going to write something close to home, change names, places and things that they may recognise and put if you want a disclaimer at the end. As a blogger its to encourage conversations that you would normally not have. Yes you have opinions and feelings but too much of that can cloud your posting because you become too attached or defensive. If it does really interfere its best to not post things that are that personal because your relationship and the respect you have for it is in the end worth more.
ReplyDeleteYes I have been called up on some of the things I've written, and to be honest if I couldn't handle the consequences I wouldn't have written the posts. People have thought I was writing about them (when I wasn't) but it's made good conversation and I love a good debate.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important not to use social networking albeit FaceBook, blogging etc has a tool to cause hurt or embarrassment though. I have found that when something is written out of anger, the writer is not thinking straight and such things cannot be taken back once X amount of people have had a good gawp and gossip. On the other hand if you are using it has a tool to express yourself, then I feel that it is a very positive thing, and perhaps gives loved ones a chance to cross a gateway to your mind and heart, especially via blogging. I know personally I am able to express myself more thoughtfully sometimes through my writing, rather than in person.
Boy do I remember that dinner at yours Sel; BDSS came to life that night!!
ReplyDeleteI think that there is always a certain risk to airing your feelings, whether it be about relationships with friends, partners, family or even colleagues and especially in a public domain, but the fundamental thing as you say is “anything we may say in reference to you it's more than likely we have said to your face” – very true certainly with each and every one of us in BDSS!
When we developed this blog, our intention was to bring the essence of our friendship and the discussions, jokes, struggles and experiences we have shared in person for many years. Yes; it goes without saying that this more times than not includes relationship issues but this covers the good as well as the not so good.
Personally, I have never been in trouble having said something on the blog, but I must confess that I did at some stage get into hot water over a Facebook status update which was posted in haste and anger. . . needless to say running on emotions in the public domain (without the subject getting prior wind) isn’t always the healthiest thing to do, but so long as you mean no offence and base the talking around the facts and personal opinions, it has the makings of a good column/article/editorial. . . BLOG!!
Hmmm yes well laid out article there and like you not everything I write on my blog is about sharon, tracey or dick infact most of the times the posts are my own life experiences and in sharing perhaps there might be a sentence or paragraph that a reader may gravitate to or is able to take some refuge in...
ReplyDeleteperhaps I might have offended someone with a post or two or three but until they say so am none the wiser so I keep churning out the blogs...:)