P*ss Me Off!

Madea has a remedy!

Sometimes, I just feel myself having a ‘Madea’ day; where nothing goes the way it should or no one seems to act how they're supposed to. You know, like buckling in front of your new date or walking around with your skirt tucked into your knickers – not a good day!

*NB: I’m about to go off on one so for those who are of a meek and mild disposition . . . apologies in advance!*

1. D*MN IT!

Now I know everyone knows what it feels like; running for the train/bus only to end up missing it altogether (kmt!) – p*ssed. And when this happens on a Monday morning (for example) when you’d spent all of Sunday evening working yourself up for the ‘productive’ week ahead; you’re doubly p*ssed.

Then of course, you've got the times when your train/bus is late and the losers who try to fast-track themselves in front of you and into the late Transport for London vehicle; alas, they are soooo lucky that I've had my morning coffee and have a job to get to (just like them) otherwise I would let them have it! Just what makes you think you're entitled to step in front of ME - you just got here; then you wanna look at me like I'm crazy for not letting you through – please! They’re just tryna. . .

P*ss me off!

2.     Drives Me Insane!

Oh my gooo-d-ness; I can’t even begin to describe the annoyance I feel when someone cuts me up on the road. Firstly, it’s dangerous; secondly, it’s pig-headed and thirdly - it’s just plain rude. I don’t know about you but it also gets my wick going when someone blatantly cuts me up and has the nerve to flash their hazards (i.e. thank you!) – what the hell are you thanking me for; I didn’t let you in!

However, I must shamefully admit that I am one of those people who will drive right up you’re a*se if you’ve offended me in this way; My 8 years of no claims suggest I’m a controlled (dare I say it, skillful) driver with good reflexes so this is my way of getting back at those p*sstakers; no one likes a stranger up their a*se but that’s what you get when you . . .

P*ss me off!

3. Do Your Job!

This particular entry is dedicated to those who have been employed to carry out specific tasks; no one hired them as a consultant, advisor or chaperone. So why do you feel the need to mess with formulas that work, reinvent the wheel so to speak? No one asked for your opinion; just your timeframe on my request!

Another irritating habit is when people feel the need to interject in something that you are solely responsible for, maybe even try change a few things around – while the job they are actually meant to be is idle.

Lastly (and dedicated to certain Directors, Managers, or Supervisors), which book of logic states that in delegating something to me, something that you deem to be of minimal interest, it is perfectly acceptable to try come reap the rewards of my labour when it all comes into fruition. You sincerely have a gift in trying to . . .

P*ss me off!

4. Then, Don't Ask!

Peoples complaining, asking your advice then disregarding altogether and going with their first thought (a cute example of this is in my Hypochondria post from last week!). This is something that the B, D, S, and S have all encountered many times in the past and on a regular basis and tolerance of this can be quite challenging. A; if you’ve already decided on what you’re going to do – don’t ask me what I think you should do; it’s already redundant. B; if you don’t appreciate the truth and would prefer your pill to be sugar coated; please, ask someone else or better still, don’t ask anyone anything! You must love to...

P*ss me off!

5. Chipped nail/smudged nail polish (Aargh!)
So, it’s a Sunday night and now that all your chores are out of the way, you set aside a couple of hours to indulge and pamper yourself before the working week comes back around and you select your favourite nail gloss. After a session of filing, buffing and trimming, you sit absolutely still and paint your nails; base protector, colour coat then top coat. Aahh; it’s all looking so fresh so clean, so tidy. Not a stray of the brush of an air bubble – it’s immaculate. You convince yourself they’re hard and dry so you go to bed ... only to wake up and find the BIGGEST smudge of your life, where they obviously hadn’t completely dried underneath, what with all the coats.

Little do you know you’re about to miss that train because that loser fast-tracked themselves in front of you...

Once on the train, you realize you’ve chipped your nail in the worst place possible that’ll take weeks to grow out... 

P*ss me off!

6. Cover your mouth!

Do I really need to elaborate? These people are everywhere! In fact, this very morning, I had to witness someone  who sat not so far from me sneeze up the person next to him. Then when he felt that was enough, he raised his arm and sneezed into his elbow - and I'm not even exaggerating. He had a functional hand so why not sneeze into it and prevent your nasty infectious mist disseminating in the little fresh air that's left in the carriage?!

Out shopping with my nephews and godson in April, a similar thing happened whereby a man next to me felt the need to cough straight out into the open and the direction of my face; needless to say I was not in the least bit amused and unfortunately, I reaped the reward of his gift the day after - the sh*te infected me!! If ever I saw him again I would have given it back to him; nasty people...

P*ss me off!

7. "Do you understand the words that are coming outta my mouth??" (Courtesy of Chris Tucker)

There's always someone, somewhere, with a call so urgent that it can't wait till you get home or, at least, off the train/bus. Don't get me wrong; I use my phone in public and in public places (duh) but if the line isn't clear or someone's reception's breaking up or I'm about to get mad - I'll be d*mned if I'm doing it for all to hear!

I had to laugh when someone told me about this man who obviously was on urgent business so couldn't wait to sort his sh*t out when he got home. He was on the phone to what sounded like his bank, sorting out some massive discrepancy, getting mad, shouting, pacing up and down the platform; calling out his bank details! That is taking it to the extreme and would lead me to believe that no-one was on the other end of that phone; if they were they were partially deaf (defo after the call if not before). Either that, or shouting at your phone enables it to do something special! This kinda behaviour. . .

P*ss(es) me off!

8. Take 'em off!!

Where the hell do you see the sun in this dark a*se nightclub?! Granted, I've had my moments - but I was 17 (20 at the max!! Why on Earth do men (unfortunately, I see more men guilty of this than women) believe that it makes them look 'cooler', or gives them 'swagger'?! You look like a jerk, a joke even. You are not Jay-Z, PDiddy or even Chipmunk - so leave them in the car (or in your jacket) and proceed as normal.

Irritates me to no end (don't really P*ss me off but a credible entry)!

9. This is your my life!

You went on a date or something out of the ordinary happened to you over the weekend. You're telling interested parties the details until the 'I've been there, done that, brought several t-shirts home' individual can no longer contain themselves and just has to let everyone know how the same sh*t happened to them; and how much more fascinating/unsightly/incredible/outrageous it was than your pitiful tale. These people make me weary and ...

P*ss me off!

10. Get a life!

All of the above, points 1-9 have been a release for me - you know, that mid-week exhale and also a chance to have a chuckle with the rest of BDSS and our beloved followers and readers to help us through the rest of the week. But no matter how light hearted our posts may be, you always get the faithful cynics who rather than acknowledging our writing (or at least conversational skills) and appreciating the element of entertainment or the insight into the types of weird and wonderful conversations we have had over the years, over several *cough* glasses of wine, they persist to manifest their negative selves on us in the form of rude, obnoxious, blunt, abrupt, and more times than most ignorant comments.

Of course, we welcome all since this is afterall a conversational mechanism - but, sometimes, just give it a rest and join in the laughter if that's what we're doing. We are grown women who act right (most times, hehe) and never intentionally set out to offend anyone - share your knowledge or experience but please do not come to 'our house' with your rudeness. If you're not feeling what you're reading by all means let us know by commenting constructively - otherwise, change the channel. Ignorance and rudeness can truly ...

P*ss me off!

Some of the above just be p*ssing me off on the regs - but I feel much better for sharing it with you lol!! How about you BDSSer's, what gets up your goonies, dampens your fire, gets you shouting at your mobile?