Thursday, 2 September 2010
Can men and women really be just friends?
I was very tempted to follow on from Si and Deb's post of the music themes which brought back so many memories! But I thought I will come back to that another time.
Since I was 8 I have had male friends who were very close to me, the first being J. We were like two peas in a pod all the way through primary school, and then like most people we changed and grew apart when moved on to secondary school, although we do keep in sporadic contact to this day.
I now have a handful of male of friends that I know I could really rely on, and who are great examples to my boys of what upstanding men should be. For many many years we have maintained purely platonic friendships, which like my female friends have been built on trust, honesty and brilliant memories.
Well, I thought one of my male friends was all of the above, lets just call him K. I met K in a bar, and to this day I have no idea why I gave this man my number. Perhaps it was to make a pretty rubbish night more interesting. Anyway I gave him my digits and didn't think twice about it, but he obviously did, and was calling my phone off the hook. I would occasionally answer and pretend I was my own sister (not that I have one) and say I was not available - a lie that can only last so long. Anyway eventually I spoke to him and realised that we had a lot in common, but I knew I was in no way attracted to this guy. We went for coffee a few times, and that went well. I thought he had gotten the message that we were just friends, but when he brought out a beautiful ring for my birthday I knew it was time to set the record very straight, so I told him I was only up for friendship (but I kept the ring, and the a dress that came 2 months later).
He seemed to get the message and the next two years were great. He became a great friend, one I could open up to. He gave me advice about the opposite sex, and I would listen to his stories about the girls he had met etc without a second thought. Now one particular night I had planned to go on a date. I told K about it and began scrutinising me about the guy, but I didn't think anything of it and trusted he knew how men thought, needless to say I never met the the date.
About a week later K offered to take me for a drink, I wasn't so keen but agreed to come out for one or two. My intuition was telling me something wasn't right but hey I trusted him, so went along with it. We got to one of those totally over pretentious bars down the West End, and had a drink whilst trying to enjoy the commercial rubbish they love to play. After a while K asked me to come into a sort of Morrocan themed room. Hmmmm I thought, I smell something fishy and I was right to. Before I knew it the flood gates came - I love you, you are so beautiful blah blah blah, and then to obviously loosen me up, he tried to offer me some coke (without the cola)
I have never dabbled in such foolishness and never will, I was actually insulted that he thought he could even go there. It all made sense all his critical advice regarding men hadn't been for my benefit but for his own! I ran out of that club quicker than you can say what a b*t*h! I was so upset that I didn't know this person at all.
This was a few years back, and I look at this situation differently. Perhaps I was partly to blame, you can't actually delude yourself that you can force someone that fancies you into being a friend. Neither can you be greedy and accept gifts without some sort of repercussions. So ladies (and gentlemen) have you been in awkward situations with male friends? Can women and men be 'just' friends?