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Thursday, 2 September 2010

Wicked Women - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

After waking up this morning huge bump in tow, I soon realised that I was pissed off. Just like every other day my back was aching, and I was woken by the lovely Reu once again saying the few words he knows "How are you?", and "nooooooooo" not forgetting the adorable "hiyaaaaaa"and "cheeeessssseeee". Hearing him natter away soothed my temperament momentarily until the routine began:
  1. Brush teeth
  2. Get in the bath
  3. Get changed
  4. Make sure Ama has sorted himself out
  5. Ask him to make his bed
  6. Get Reu ready
  7. Feed him breakfast
  8. Sort out washing 
  9. Wash dishes
  10. Put breakfast stool that's been moved by old boy, back where it belongs
  11. Pick up keys that old boy has dropped
  12. Drop kids off to school, and the child minder
(All this before 9am) 

Now prior to point 12. I was on my way out, and knowing that I wasn't in the best of moods, I was told by the old boy that I had obviously gotten out of the wrong side of bed and I was acting wicked.

Wicked? Me? Never! Especially when I have done x amount of running around all before 9am! I think my mood is justified not to be in Stepford Wife mode!

This was obviously a stupid comment which I chose to ignore, but it had me thinking about the times I had been wicked, especially when it came to the opposite sex!

Ladies have you ever gotten into a situation with a man when he makes you so upset and ANGRY? Normally after getting upset I get enraged, and have been known to daydream about the acts of revenge I could inflict on the man that's crossed me. This usually involves their cars, scratching it up, pouring acid on it, smashing windows. I once even explained to a health care professional that I wanted to stab this one particular guy. Fortunately I wasnt sectioned and was relieved to know know such thoughts were normal considering the circumastances. Usually I've spoken to my girls and they have calmed me down, but oh no don't think everyone's got off unscathed!

I really can't divulge some of the most scandalous acts of revenge that I have inflicted, I don't even think it's left my own lips, but if 1 is very mild and 10 extremely bad (relaxer on the c*ck stylee) then my worst is around a 9/10. I sometimes look back and have a quite giggle now and again thinking did I actually do that? I must have been one maaaad woman!

Yep some women like myself have gone all out, I've heard of Scotch Bonnet peppers being spread over a mans crown jewels in his sleep LMAO whoa I love scotch peppers in my cooking but I know that can proper knock your block of - literally! Yep in Nigeria I was told about a woman who put relaxer on her husbands bits in the cover of darkness due to him cheating. RELAXER! Now I've had that bun up my scalp, today in fact and I could think of nothing worse than those chemicals penetrating that region! I've heard of a mans bits being super glued to his stomach, and of course cars being vandalised (if we can't get you, we'll get da car!). Email accounts being hacked into with naked pics, but who can forget the email that was circulated a few years back with a pic of a man who had a sexually transmitted disease and had given it to an innocent woman with the full details of the man, and the eye-catching subject header "WOMEN BEWARE!!!" this actually warned a friend of mine who was dating him at the time. I've even been walking down Kingsland High Street and seen wanted style posters of men that have crossed some probably innocent woman the wrong way, and chuckled heartedly at the awful pictures they put up for extra embarrassment.

But I must say through experience (although it's easier said than done) the best revenge for a woman or man scorned is this - getting on with your life and leaving that man/woman behind! Believe me there is no better feeling than not caring anymore.

Now have you ever done an act of revenge that you have stored in the back of your mind? Please tell! Perhaps I will divulge too :)


  1. Lol - wicked deeds!

    Well obviously I would never want to be causing anybody GBH -so the relaxer on genitals or any type of genital revenge is not something I've tried! ha-ha

    I remember that revenge email girl!! it was quite frightening to think he looked kind of familiar, as in I think I've seen him at Silks and Spice or some other rave! and I swear there was a women in the photo with him... If I was her I would be screwing! kmt

    I think on a scale of one to ten I'd be a two! I mean I've sent a horrible email once and cc'd people in for effect... but that is as crazy as it has gotten! Lol
    Although I was present when someone was threatening to do damage to a certain persons car... Luckily the car was not there! (phew!)... and looking back I think it would have been quite silly to go through with it... as you said Bi the best revenge is to move on...

    Now I want to hear your deed girl, I know it's juicy! devil anyone? (classic!) :-D

  2. Lol this post had me cringing and laughing at the same time.

    I've had the thoughts but I'm so not a revenge person I think I'm too soft lol! I always prefer to just move on rather than anything else!

    9\10 :O girl I'm scared of you! And si I remember receiving that email.

    I do recall after one particular break up discussing all the revenge options with some male work colleagues (men can be evil too lol), and although I never acted upon any of their suggestions, just the actual act of plotting these ridiculous things, discussing what happened and laughing about it all made me feel great!

  3. Yeah nothing like a good old plot to make you feel better! Lol

  4. I think that on the revenge scale mentally, I'm like a 25 outta 10 but then in reality, it dramatically drops to about a 4/5 (and dependant on the how high the possibility of arrest would be!!)

    Si - I also remember receiving that email and nearly choking on my drink at my desk when I saw who exactly had been copied in - I had never laughed so hard in my life, I tell ya!!

    There have been times when BDSS have had emergency meetings about 'the next step' and usually one of two things would happen, either an extremely impulsive action (which hardly ever turns out well) or . . . nothing at all (well, besides from wishing them to some really horrific death, and letting them know as much by email/text! lol)

    It's true Sel - men canoffer great 'evil ' advice as they know what they would absolutely detest happening to them!! lol

  5. I should say I´m not proud of that email ladies I was young and obviously angry at the time! lol - it´s only because of the nature of the post I´m bringing it up (and hoping Bi will reveal her 9/10) now she did say relaxer on the genitals is a 10! so I´m gonna try and guess what a 9 would be...I think its probably bodily contact with some sort of substance...
    1) Pepper in the boxer shorts
    2) Itching powder in some orifice
    3) Tooth brush around the toilet bowl
    4) Superglue eyes shut...


  6. LOL Si I think it's best that I keep my mouth shut about my worst act of revenge, you lot will think I am crazy!!

    To be honest revenge can feel momentarily good, but it can hold you back as you still have bitterness in your heart. I was speaking to OB (Old Boy) last night, and I came up with the motto "If someone is fighting with fire, put them out with water". Being older and wiser, my revenge days are well and truly over!!

    I have done something not so nice to a drink though, and that's all you're getting!!!

  7. Ha ha ha bi you urinated and/or spat in the drink didn't you? Lol I'm just guessing.

    Hmmm lol I am so not good at revenge!

  8. Wow Bi - I think Selly is right urine in his orange juice... I can just picture you stirring it in! lol

  9. ...And watching him drink it! haha

  10. LMAO - YES LADIES! It was something to do with a beverage but I will leave it to your imagination. That's tame though, I am capable of worse ;)