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Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Think your way to orgasm

Let's talk about sex baby okay salt & pepa!

So I was reading in femail magazine last week, that there are women who can think themselves to orgasm (are you one of these women do tell?), so I thought oh yes this is a must read article, maybe they have included a step by step guide to achieving this (who wouldn't want to orgasm at any moment of your choosing, in the supermarket, during a boring telephone conference at work these are just some examples of places, you can probably think of more orthodox places ie in the bedroom but my point is that you could knock yourself out orgasming all over the place! All day if you had a day off ; ) that would be fun but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be, there followed an article talking about how a scientist has been investigating the female orgasm and how the few women that are able to bring themselves to orgasm by thinking, when their brains were studied they found that the same area's that show activity when a woman has a physical orgasm, were showing in these lucky thinking orgasm women yada yada yada boring!

No instructions were included at all :(
But it got me wondering how important is the orgasm to enjoyable sex? I read a lot of Dear Deirdre problem pages, and there is always a problem which goes along the lines of:

“I wonder if you can help me I can not orgasm when I have sex with my gorgeous boyfriend help!”

or from a partner saying

“my girlfriend/wife never orgasms when we have sex I worry that she is not enjoying it”

Surely you can have enjoyable sex without orgasming, there are indeed a percentage of women who we know can't orgasm. So why do women and some men put such a huge emphasis on it?

And also what can you do to ensure that you are having a great sex life regardless?

My advise would be that once you have figured out what you like and enjoy (vibrators, whipped cream, dirty talk, whips and chains etc etc), never be afraid to ask for it from your partner! Sex should be a bit of give and take.

And when it comes to orgasm don't feel like you have to fake it. Enjoy it! If it happens it happens! Alternatively if you want to explore making yourself orgasm there are plenty of books and toys on the market to start experimenting with ;)

Can my fellow bdss's offer any advise and how important is the orgasm to you?


  1. Written like a true SEXpert Selly! lol

    I agree with what you said, once you know what you like don´t be afraid to ask your mate for it.

    I don´t really rate them news articulates regarding peoples sex lives, because they quote different research each week and the research usually says the opposite of the week before... it leads to all sorts of bedroom myths, and bedroom insecurities! :O

    I say as long as you and your partner or whoever are enjoying your sex life then that´s all that matters... there is no need to chase the orgasm or g-spot or what ever else the media feeds us!

  2. LOL - all your labels made me chuckle (i.e. sex, orgasms, vibrators...!)

    To be totally honest, I think that men pay more mind to whether their woman climaxes or not as they for some reason seem to feel like they haven't their duty if that goal isn't achieved each and every time. I agree with you in that as a woman, I can enjoy sex without climaxing every time but having said that - it is nice to be able to more often than not!! Hehe!!

    I remember a friend who once told me that they had never (and I mean NEVER) climaxed - the poor dear!! I mean, you're missing out if you don't get such treatment on the regs but to have never experienced it ever before . . . I feel your pain mehn!!!! :D

    Now, one thing that rarely fails to get me there is the good old fashioned kiss - you know the kind I'm talking about, the special kiss of the lips between the hips!! It can become a bit of a put off when it's eagerly rolled out as though it's going outta fashion, it's not as enjoyable. But when it's offered as a treat would be (i.e that 3pm chocolate bar, that glass of wine that's been long time coming, pay day!!), oh I'm telling ya, it's worth the drought!! :D


    So, my point is if you don't get to orgasm as often as you would like, like Sel said, trying different things could be the answer - with and without your man!

  3. LMAO really enjoyed this one Sel! To be honest it's only fairly recently that I actually got the whole female orgasm thing. When the other sex climax it's very easy to see them get to that point. But frankly I had never really got there myself but I did enjoy the whole thing.

    Orgasm's mean much more than just a man being in good in bed, in fact for me it comes with the way he makes me feel, and obviously it's only fairly recently that I've been content with my own self and have gotten to know what makes me tick, so 'getting there' is more obtainable. If my man wasn't getting there though I would be a bit fazed! They can just see someone on T.V and get there!

    I think like Debs it's men that pay more attention to whether a woman climax's or not. Plus all you ladies out there, some of the best orgasms are WITHOUT a man, a little birdy told me that....

  4. Yeah I just think if your happy and satisfied then great!