Re-vamped...The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup?

So I has been off work sick recently which means I got in a healthy dose of day time TV, and as getting over a break up goes, try this on for size...

http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/shows/revamped/videos/re-vamped-sneaky-peak.html

The synopsis goes  “Our Re-Vamped women have been betrayed by love, their hopes have been dashed and romantic dreams shattered. One thing is certain our ladies feel badly about themselves and are desperate to get their confidence back. On Re-Vamped, we help them do just that.

We travel on an entertaining journey of transformation, as we watch eight women undertake two big tasks on the road to life-altering change. With the help of a master fitness trainer, our heartbroken ladies undergo a brutal diet, detox and bootcamp.

Secondly, the women will get their sexual confidence back by forming a burlesque troupe. Under the guidance of a world-class choreographer, our Re-Vamped crew will create and execute a sexy and exotic burlesque performance.

To pull it off, they’ll have to help one another recover from bruised hearts, raw emotions, the lack of self-esteem, and get each other back on track to feeling confident, sexy, and ready to regain that part of themselves lost to heartbreak.

This builds up to the grand finale when the troupe unveil their new sexy selves in front of a live audience comprised of family, friends and…ex-partners“

Sounds pretty reasonable to me! Although I have been unable to watch the first season of the show to find out what the show is really about i.e., what did the ladies want to get out of the show, also what happened when the ladies preformed their burlesque act in front of their ex partners... I mean after being dazzled by the burlesque did the ex partner want them back? was it really about getting the ex partner back? or was it about feeling confident, sexy and ready as the synopsis describes... I guess I'm just gonna have to watch season two to find out!!

In the mean time ladies... what have you done to get over your ex? Have you learnt to pole dance? ran a marathon? took up salsa in a bid to get your sexy back after a break up... and going back to the whole point of the show a grand finale, a performance in front of the ex partner... why not just learn burlesque and save it for the next man... why go to all that trouble to show off your new skills and the new you to the ex-partner... is it really the best means of getting over a breakup?

Guys has an ex-partner ever got really sexy after the fact and flaunted it in your face by way of burlesque or any over sexy means... what was the out come did you want her back? or did it just make you realize she is still putty in your hands?

Anyway I will be watching tonight @ 8pm on Bio... you never know I might pick up some moves! :D

When you know she's got to go!

I have been friends with Debs, Selly, and Si for many years, and long may it continue! We have all experienced our own share of highs and lows, whilst continuing to support each other on our individual paths. I was raised as an only child, and these lovely ladies, like some of my other friends have been more like family to me, and I adore them each for it. Indeed no relationship, friend or otherwise is perfect, and I'm sure the girls will back me up on this, but true loving friends come through obstacles stronger, wiser and with a better insight into each other.

Now, through the years I've loved and lost friends. Sometimes because we've moved physically apart, or because of the choices I or they have made,  but there is one other reason that my post will address tonight, and that reason is because the friend in question, in a term first coined by Si, has become a 'FRIENEMY'!

Frienemy's usually start out very innocently, you have things in common they seem on your wavelength, you share jokes and good times, but soon they turn into well, an enemy. I've learnt that there are different types of frienemy's, and I shall tell you my experiences with two types.

THE BI*CH

My friendship with Rose (not her real name) started really well. We met at university, and from the get go we just clicked. Both of us had sons of similar ages, were both Cancerians, and had an interest in African Caribbean history. Before I knew it we were sharing good times as well as supporting each other unbiasedly through the bad. 4-years later our friendship remained intact, but I had begun noticing things about Rose, that I hadn't noticed before. 2 years prior to this change, my aunt had seen Rose at a market stall. 'Is your friend Rose OK?' my aunt had asked. 'Yes, why?' I had said. My aunt then replied, 'I don't know, she just seems angry, she was really rude to the market stall owner'. I didn't think anymore of it, but then I started seeing this angry Rose that my aunt had commented on years before.

I started noticing that Rose would be very rude and aggressive when I called her, for instance

Me: Gosh I was freezing today

Rose: We're in England........................................Long Pause..................................................

Every time I called her I wasn't sure what sort of mood she would be in so I would have to psyche myself up to call her. I would moan to Debs about what sort of attitude I had been confronted with until I couldn't take it anymore. The last straw for me was when she chastised me for forgetting her university start dates even though I was 9 months pregnant and OB's grandmother had just died. By now I was at the end of my tether and text her to say our friendship was over, but I wish her and the boys well. It was hard but felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I no longer had to avoid her phone calls and put up with her blatant rudeness, I could just spend my breath talking to my civilised friends.

THE VAMPIRE

All friends go through dramas this goes without saying, and part of friendship is being a supportive friend. But sometimes you can run into a vampire friend. The vampire is the sort of friend who needs your support and advice about every adult decision that they should be making. What colour shoes shall I buy? I know I'll ask Bi! Does he love me? I know I'll ask Bi! Shall I take the job? I know I'll ask Bi!

Natasha and Cleo were Vampire's the sad thing is they were actually lovely people, but I felt like they thought they somehow owned me and that I didn't have a life. I would spend time calling Natasha declaring that I was around because low and behold if she couldn't get through to me! I would be called a stranger after 1 day of no contact. It came to a point where I felt that they thought my life revolved around them. I was going through a serious crisis so didn't have as much time to be putting Natasha's ego at ease. A few later I received a text saying something along the lines of have a nice life, and that was that. You are no good to a Vampire if you have no blood to suck!

Cleo was a miserable Vampire, you know one of those people that are ALWAYS moaning, I started noticing that I would get miserable if I was around her. I also noticed that any bit of happiness I had, would get an instantly negative response. I distanced myself from Cleo who after a year wrote me to apologise. Even though we are in touch we are both appreciating each other from a distance!

Not all frienemy's are ladies though! I've experienced my fair share of male frienemy's too!

So ladies have you encountered a frienemy?

He Won't Support My Natural Hair Dream...

Hey bdssr's just to let you know I have been indoctrinated by the YouTube 'natural movement’ (according to my other half!)… yep I have decided to forgo my relaxer and go back to my roots!! :-D

Now whilst I am quite excited about my new hair, apparently my decision to cut off my relaxer has already cost lots of money and ruined my relationship!

You see firstly a lot of these YouTube ‘naturals’ also do makeup tutorials and so I got a bit carried away in Boots the other day and spent a lot of money on make up (plus I frequent madeformakeup.com often).

I have also spent every spare minute of this (and last) weekend on YouTube trying to educate myself about natural hair care - hence neglecting my other half! lol

So my natural hair journey has already got off to a troubled start and I only have about one inch of natural hair on my head! however I am really excited about my decision and I’m anxiously waiting for the dreaded… (Relaxed haired ladies look away now) …regrowth! lol

Another major bump in the road to naturaldom is the fact that for the past two weeks my other half has been looking at me as if I have gone crazy and he has actually told me I won’t look good rocking the natural hair that the good Lord gave me!

Not only that … whilst I was watching all these natural women in all their kinky glory, he actually said and I quote: “none of these women actually look good Si!”

So I told him in no uncertain terms that everyone has different idea’s of what looks good and to me these women rocking their ‘wash and goes’, ‘twas’ and ‘defined curls’ confidently look great to me!

I also told him that it is HE who has been indoctrinated… with the idea that natural hair is not a good look… you mean to tell me he would rather have me putting the ‘Creamy Crack’ on my head resulting in dry itching scalp or rocking a weave for the rest of my life!? Why because the idea of my natural hair, which I might add he has never seen is so unappealing?

I mean my recent hair has just been lacking that ump! that va va voom! that wow factor!

It did grow to shoulder length last year after I wore a weave for about a year, however despite my best efforts to maintain the length every time I went to my hairdresser she said it was breaking, and at the root on one side! kmt

So I cut it into what a lot of people said was a really nice short style, and I quote ‘you could be a model’ type comments, however even that short style was hard to maintain (six weekly trips to get it relaxed and trimmed!) between then and now maintaining my hair has started to feel long!

Which is something I don’t think my other half gets, he only cares about the end results and not all the drama in between (i.e., the burning scalp, the itch you can’t scratch, the split ends, the hair turning brown, the constant blow drying and tonging to make it look decent etc) it was all just becoming laborious and the idea of ‘wash(ing) and go(ing)’ really appeals to me right about now.

Now don’t get me wrong I think no matter how you wear your hair as long as you feel good rocking it then it does not matter if its natural, relaxed, weaved or loc’d … as I have worn a number of hair styles over the years from when I first had a relaxed short Jada Pinkett cut, to a long weave, to braids with gelled down fringes… I have rocked them all and I have a wealth of photos on FB to prove it, lol.

But I have come to the conclusion that my relaxed hair is just not healthy and when I think back to the thick head of healthy hair I had as a child I miss it.

My relaxed hair is flat and limp, my hair of old had some umph to it!

Therefore I am embarking on a natural hair growth journey, and trust me after watching all the Youtube video’s it is a ‘journey’ back to healthy natural hair.

(If you have a minute have a look at African Export, Rustic Beauty, NappyChronicles and Kimmaytube on Youtube…as I said there is a natural movement going on!)

So what do you think bdssr’s have I gone crazy?  Is my boyfriend right, will I look atrocious rocking my natural curls? I mean I have assured him that if his predictions are correct and I end up looking terrible, that the creamy crack is available in all good PAK stores! So it’s really not such a big deal… or is it?

Gangster Loving!

Hey ladies and gentlemen!

Sorry for my extra long absence I have had a lot on!

I gave birth to my beautiful son on the 1st of October, he's doing very well and his brothers are very happy with the new arrival. I've also had absolutely no Internet for 3 weeks which has driven me mad, but hey I'm back online now and ready to get typing before the baby wakes!

Now I'm going back to a recent post created by Si called Songs That Take You To A Dark Place well I was reflecting on this post and reflecting on my past. Back in the day I loved Hip-Hop, not just any Hip-Hop though, I enjoyed the proper gangster stuff (and still do) although I mainly listen to my Old Skool jams.

I think it all started when my mum agreed to get cable television, which was a big thing back then.These music videos entered me into a new realm. I remember watching the MTV Amour and Yo shows and not only falling for the hard exterior of rappers like Tupac, Lost Boyz, Wu - Tang, Mobb Depp, not forgetting Bone Thugs N Harmony, but also being enthralled by the glamorous and sexy women they had on their arm. My enjoyment wasn't just found through television, I use to buy the now defunct Source magazine for my monthly fix of latest Hip-Hop news, as well as saving my pocket money to buy the single to the latest tunes. CD's weren't cheap back then and I remember paying £10.00 for Aaliyah's single 'Age Ain't Nothing But A Number' and this was the case with many of the albums I liked because most of them were on import. I would also stay up late recording on cassette the Tim Westwood radio 1 rap show so I could listen to tracks over and over again (forwarding that annoying mans voice of course). I recall my delight at hearing the relatively unknown rapper Eminem's single "97' Bonnie & Clyde"and thinking this man is good but CRAZY!

The Wu -Tang Clan were another group I was into, there was one particular tune( Dog Shit) that I knew the lyrics to off by heart, and I remember one of my closest friends writing down the lyrics to it, so that we could catch jokes when reciting it at school. I got a chance to meet the Wu a few years back but I will give you the jokes in another post. It will include a Philly blunt,  a flasher and the Chicken Pox - yep you read correctly.

Whilst my friends were into 3T, and falling asleep to the soothing voice of Tevin Campbell, I would watch my Hip-Hop music video recordings, and put posters of rap artists on my wall. One of my favourite videos was the Lost Boyz Renee. I refer to Si's post because I think subconsciously my love of Hip-Hop, combined with my young mind, made me aspire to things I wouldn't ordinarily have entertained if I had not listened to it. I'm not saying all the music was negative, but on a whole I remember being young and thinking I actually wanted a gangster boyfriend to look after me and shower me in bling! I actually thought this lifestyle was fun, glamorous, and men talking about guns and gangs - exciting!

Well my journey continued, things changed and I grew, but I think the gangster thing of old stayed with me. It was almost as though that 'dark music' was intertwined in my actual life and mental psych, even now when I bang out Nas, Biggie etc, I'm able to get an adrenalin rush leaving me able to clean the house at top speed! Anyway, I met men as we do, some good and some, well, not so good. But the time came when I met a certified 'Ganster'.

I look back at this time in my life and know three things, I was Young + Naive + Dam Crazy!

What was it about this guy that was intriguing?  He wasn't, tall, dark, and particularly handsome, but he had money, charm, a massive ego, talked some shit that I ain't heard before, showed me things that I ain't seen before, took risks, was dangerous and was equally as crazy as me for dating him.

At first he started out really sweet (as crazy men tend to), but after a dates there were a few statements that he made that should have been massive big RED alerts, but I decided to ignore them. When he went through my phone and deleted every single male contact (except my dad) I should have listened to the RED alerts, but again I ignored it. The dates were sweet, the clothes even better, but little by little the sweet gangster, like the ones that they showed in the music videos, I thought I had met, started getting gangster on ME! He wasn't so sweet anymore in fact he was becoming an increasing nightmare, turning up unexpectedly, being controlling, and very demanding. He was also very dodgy about his  own life, but thought he owned the rights to mine. Anyway one day he told me he had took part in a documentary, I thought it sounded interesting. But this was no ordinary documentary I might add, this was very much a gangster documentary and it is after seeing this documentary that I decided to make running pace steps to leave, and not jog. He would happily go to church every Sunday repenting on the sins he's committed on Monday, Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, I realised that the man was crazier than I thought. Especially when he goes and testifies in front of the congregation with the same bravado that he boasts his sins to his friends.

So there you have it, dark music leads to dark thoughts and possibly even not so good people. With this generation of children living in the multi-media age I think it's important that parents monitor what children listen to. Had I been a man perhaps I would have gotten into something much more serious than a bad experience with a 'Gangster' or alternatively the whole episode could have gotten way out of hand for me to deal with alone. Although I believe that 'Gangster's na fi talk' in other words if you're a true G you don't claim to be!

Years went by, and I saw one of his friends at a bar in Streatham, he informed me that the 'G' had been put away for a very long time, and even asked if he could have my number to give him, I just laughed with relief and politely said 'no' and walked quickly away. Men may think us ladies like bad men, but if a woman is wise she will want a real man and a bad man just ain't it.

So fellow BDSS's and readers, have you had any experience's with so called bad men? Or are you wise and just deal with gentlemen?

I will end this post with a more conscious  Hip-Hip tune by Dead Prez 'We need a Revolution'

xxx

BDSS Soon Come...

Sorry for the absence of posts lately, unfortunately the BDSS are really like drama´s in the boroughs! What with raising children, work, internet problems and men folk flopping in between (stay tuned for some serious posting, lol) well... you get the idea!

In the mean time check out some of our previous posts and we hope to resume our normal posting schedule shortly...

Bi: The BDSS: "I've always relied on the kindness of strangers"

Debs: The BDSS: The Heart of the Matter!

Si: The BDSS: A good deed TURNED...

Sel: The BDSS: Think your way to orgasm

What One Dance Can Do...(Great Expectations!)

Now I don't know about you but I will happily admit that growing up I loved the film Grease starring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John.

I loved the film so much in fact that a boyfriend bought me the video as a present and I was so cuffed and I took it as a sign he really knew me! Lol

There was just something hypnotic about John Travoltas' hips and even now when I occasionally catch the film on ITV, I swoon! :-D

John Travolta and his dancing was seriously hot back in the day (no scientology for me… not even Will Smith could get me to believe in Aliens, NASA maybe but L Ron Hubbard, nope!).

So anyways back to the topic…

I think a lot of ladies (I'm not sure if it's the same for men) will probably agree that there is nothing more appealing than a man that can add 1 foot plus the 2nd foot and equal 100! (On the dance floor)…

I mean there is nothing more appealing than a man that can dance …and dance well! (Two step or Migrane Skank does not count!)

You only have to watch Strictly Come Dancing with all its relationship rumours and whispers of affairs amongst the professional dancers and their partners to know what one dance can do…

I mean John Travolta in Grease was not doing anything new; he was doing what many entertainers, performers, show men (Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Michael Jackson, Genuwine, Usher, Justin Timberlake/Beider) had done before him…

…They were planting a seed… an idea… a theory even …

…that Great dancing = Great **X!

I mean there are dances and then there are DANCES! And I think every woman remembers a great dance/dancer whether it was just the one dance or you took it further and tried to prove the theory…

There is no denying what one dance can do!!

So my BDSS'rs what is your theory about what one dance can do, and also have you tested the theory? What were the results?!

Ugly women vs Pretty women

I was reading an article the other day, that was asking the question, of whether pretty women have less desirable personality traits, compared to less attractive women (disclaimer: obviously attractiveness is subjective).

It discussed the idea that pretty women did not have to make as much of an effort to be or to come across as personable, while less pretty women have to go all out (including in the bedroom!) In order to compete or perhaps to compensate for a lack of gorgeous looks.

Along with the article I also watched the recently released, Queen latifah film called "do wright" which centred around two women and one man.

One pretty with a less than great personality and one less attractive (according to the film!) Queen latifah being the less attractive of the two physically but in personality she was wonderful.

Still she didn't immediately get together with the love interest in the film (Common...love him!), although she won him round in the end. After he was dumped by the prettier woman.

Also in addition to the above film and article, I have had conversations where people have sworn off pretty women/good looking men due to negative experiences with them.

Myself personally I've never correlated a persons personality with their looks....so I can't say that I have noticed any connection.

But as its addressed in the film, in my conversations with others and in other articles, I'm thinking that their might be some truth in it.

So in your experience bdss'ers have you ever felt this? Do you see this happening? Are prettier women much more stuck up and stooch compared to less attractive women?

Is the same true for men?

And is it solely down to looks?

Breaking Up Is A B*#ch!!!!

I was watching the Cheryl Cole interview with Piers Morgan on saturday and the part where she talked of her divorce from Ashley Cole got me thinking that: Breaking up no matter what the reason for the break up - is tough. She seemed really fragile still when talking about it despite her continued success.

Have you ever been through a break up! Do I even need to ask? I'm sure everyone would have been through at least one.

Whether its that first love relationship break up from your teens or one where your much older, wiser and mature. Break ups are often painful, make you feel like crap (even when you know breaking up is the right thing to do!) and the killer, you always go through a phase of questioning yourself and your sanity! Whether you will ever be happy again (of course you will!) It absolutely sucks! It can take you to a dark, morose place.

I hate break ups! Although not more than being in a bad relationship (I would never recommend that), they are a necessary evil, you go through the process in order to move onto the "next chapter" whatever and with whom ever that maybe.

break ups can make you feel awful.

One day you feel like your coping, and then the next you keep on recounting nice times and places, his face errggghhh...its so annoying! Lol! Its like self-inflicted torture.

Is it better to adopt a Cee-Lo Green attitude a "f u" attitude to see yourself through the rough patch.

Or maybe its better to adopt a "It didn't work out but I wish you all the best" attitude.

The point of the post is to ask, have you bdss'ers been through a break up? How did you feel? And how did you get over it?

Single?

MadeForMakeUp talks singledom...

Is there such a thing as “single for too long”?

As I read my girls post about causal relationships:The BDSS: The Art Of Keeping It Casual! and posted my comments I got to thinking about being single for too long. Then I wondered, is there such a thing? Is there a time limit on singledom? Does anyone get the single itch or have you ever done so, and what was the outcome? Is there relationship etiquette?

From these questions you maybe be able to tell that I have been happily single for a while.

Now although I'm happy there are some pitfalls that being single for too long has brought me:

I find that I am way way over the hill too picky -of course there’s the I don’t like smokers and they have to come from a good family type idea of an ideal mate. I also find swearing like a sailor, bad dress sense, bad manners, long nails and bad shoes a turn off!

My pet hate is the “Have you seen me before, because I have seen you looking at me ”… no I have not seen you! Lol

Especially coming from someone you wouldn’t ever think twice at looking at.

I find I have this attitude and look “of please don’t approach me”, I don’t know if that is because I am scared of what will happen next; I also I find I’m excited about someone for a very short time and then it goes away.

For me now men are like sweets, you see them, you enjoy the flavour and once that’s gone I’m happy.

I feel like getting to know someone is a chore, all the thoughts that go on in my head before you even get to the date and do I even want to let someone into my life? the answer is yes but where do I begin?

Now the upside of being single for too long, (this part I love because I have a great attitude about it, so I think!):

I have becomes friends with being single, it bothers me not much until I read this post: then questions fell out of me like a rain fall.

I mean I enjoy my own company; I don’t feel like I have impress anyone but myself. I feel like I don’t have to answer to anyone, nor have any expectations of a man or his expectations of me, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone, I appreciate my own company, I do what I like, when and how I like. I don’t argue with anyone, I don’t get jealous, I don’t get disappointed!

Right now I can’t be bothered to try and that is my single selfish prerogative and I’m happy that my sense of self is not compromised. There is a lot of “I” in this section and I guess that is the upside of being single, it’s the “I” and not the “WE” in this me relationship.

I’ve learned to know what I really want out of a relationship and learned I don’t have to settle at all.

I used to have race issues but being single has taught me to let down that stereotype and appreciate men of all races. Being alone does not and doesn’t mean being lonely. For me it’s being secure, happy, confident, bold and selfish with myself.

In the end when it comes time to choosing my b.f, I feel I am not clouded by past relationship nor am I defined by them, I know I can carry on being single if needs be until the right man comes along or me being the right woman for the right man.

So ladies and gents what do you think? Is there such a thing as being single for too long?

Signed happily single MadeForMakeUp

Don't Ever Think You Can't Get Better...

Who hasn't held on to a relationship that had run it's course even before you found out those marks on his neck were not the result of a friendly game of 'head locks' gone to far! No they were the result of a liaison with another women...

Ah but still I stayed and held on to the idea of the man I thought he was suppose to be!

But things were irrevocably broken beyond repair; them good old feelings were replaced with something else ...hurt, pain, despair, resentment, a waste of two years of my life and most of all an overwhelming sense of disappointment like I never saw it coming...

But anyways I persevered until one day someone said to me...

'Don't ever think you can't get better'

It was some much needed and timely advice from a male friend who saw me selling myself short!

So in honor of good timely advice I want to hear from you bdss'rs...

Has anyone ever hit the nail on the head just when you needed it the most?

What was the situation and what did they say?

I mean we all need counsel at times...

In fact just this weekend whilst talking with my mum she casually through out ... 'You got to pick sense out of nonsense'

I was like whoa - she is right! and proceeded to update my twitter and face book with that little nugget of wisdom!

So please do tell... what have been your nuggets...

The Art Of Keeping It Casual!

This title is very misleading, as you would think it would contain some tips based on my own experiences of keeping it casual!

And by keeping it casual I mean, your in a place where you don't want to be in a relationship, but at the same time, you want to get a bit of loving! Do you know what I mean?

Myself personally in the past when I've attempted this. I tended to fail miserably and get a little attached. Either that or the other person gets attached! It just does not work for me.

So its lead me to believe that women and probably not so much men are just very bad at keeping it casual. Women get attached. Then before you know it they are emailing their friends at work talking about "I'm starting to like robert because even though it was supposed to be casual, he is actually a really great guy, we have so much in common" (Even when he is not- he has a bag of other women all over the place! Lol!).

I'd also say that I see that the same is true for the women around me, if they don't start to get attached, then the other party does. Then I get the email at work saying "I had to end it with Robert as he wanted to be more serious, but I don't really like him in that way because of (insert reasons why robert is not so great here) lol!

It seems to me that it just doesn't work and sometimes its not just the females becoming attached.

What do you'll think bdss'ers? Can you do casual?

If you can how do you succeed where so many others fail and become emotionally involved?

Include some hints and tips so the title of this blog is not so misleading lol!

Also what do you think of the idea of casual relationships overall?

Made For Make Up.com Fridays...

Its finally Friday which means it time to play and what better way to start your weekend shenanigans than with a new look!

Check out Made For Make Up´s tutorial and take a minute to feel sexy!

Here´s just the song to get you in the mood for the weekend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U0gcUxle-4

Songs That Take You To A Dark Place

I was having a conversation with someone the other day about a popular singer and this person was adamant that the singer worships the devil, and that there are signs in video’s and alter egos etc… so they are very careful about what they consume.


To be honest my initial thought was that they have been watching too much YouTube or reading to much conspiracy websites… but now I think about it they probably had a good point!

You see whilst driving home from a family visit I took a trip down musical memory lane; I dusted off my Ms Dynamite A Little Deeper album and cranked up the volume for some car karaoke.


Now I don't know about you but I loved most of Ms Dynamite’s first album because she gave me circumstances I could truly relate to…


Had a broken heart? √ (Check)


Yearned from deep with in? √ (Check)


Thought you'd never see the light again?  √√ (Double Check)


With songs like Any Way You Want It, Seed Will Grow and All I Every Want, the album spoke to my soul, but there is one song I loved the most however is Now You Want My Love ...So there was me happy as can be singing along to Ms Dynamite…


[Verse One]

'Remember when I was so weak 4 u,
Remember when I felt so deep 4 u,
I remember the day I cried 4 u,
Remember the days I though I'd die for you.
But you said you had no time for me,
Said that you and I would never be,
Said you wouldn't mind gettin' up
between my legs, But not good
enough to be your girl that's what you said.

[Pre Chorus x2]

Ooh how you broke my heart that day,
All the love I had for you,
But only disrespect did you show me.

[Chorus:]

Now you want my love,
So what ya tryin' 2 tell me?
Now I'm good enough?
And now you want my time,
If you think you're gunna get it must be out ya fu*kin mind…
(You get the gist!)…


I tell you I was in the my element therefore it was only after I finished singing the song that I realised... Huh? I'm in a dark mood?! Lol


I mean my other half was in the car and all of a sudden I found whatever he was doing quite irritating: 
he was texting and I found that annoying! ...he was talking on his phone and I found that equally irritating! ...he was minding his own business and that was THRICE as grating!


You see back in the days I loved that song for a reason… and surprisingly I found myself briefly in that F-U mind space! Ha-ha (obviously once I realised I was in that mind space for no apparent reason I quickly went back to my usual sweet self)!


* see here for verification that I am a saint: The BDSS: A good deed TURNED...


So anyways it got me thinking that music can do that to you... one minute your cool, the next minute you’re pissed! Certain songs take you certain places (in this case the dark side)!


So anyways all you BDSS followers let's have some fun today... I want to hear about the songs that take you to your dark place...

Warning! ... He May Have Three Wives...

Continuing with the cheating theme lets go one further and talk bigamy!

The lady in the article below married three men and for five years managed to keep it secret from all her husbands!

Read more here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1319047/Woman-married-husbands-said-cancer.html#ixzz12BUZrsC2

Now my first thought when reading the article was what kind of mind would even think to do such a thing? I also wondered if these men had some sort of screw loose that would explain five years of not knowing!


I mean there must have been some clues, but for some reason it took a missing persons report and the discovery of marriage certificates to uncover the truth!


So to save anyone else the bother of going through such a palaver, I using some quotes from the article in order to highlight the red flags her husbands clearly missed; in the hope of saving one of you, our BDSS readers from discovering your significant other has two extra wives or another husband down the road!


Here goes…


1) `To explain her long absences she said she was working nights as a nurse or was having treatment in hospital for cancer, and forbade them from visiting her’


If after 5 years you can’t surprise visit him/her at home, at work or you can only see them at specific times and places with no variation or spontaneity what so ever! Well clearly they have another life with another partner that comes first; and especially if they come up with really ridiculous excuses such as, ´my parrot gets nervous around strangers´ … Red Flag No. 1!


2) ´They married in November 2004 at the Gretna Green Register Office, dragging two strangers off the street to act as witnesses.´


If after 5 years you have not met the significant people in their life …well my mother always said that if a man/women really likes you they will not hesitate to introduce you too their family; and the same goes for their friends too! So if after five years you have not met their mother (and she is not dead!)… Red Flag No. 2!


3) ´I never saw her at Christmas.´


If five years into your relationship you have never spent a Christmas or bank holiday weekend together …ever! Or you’re excluded from their birthday celebrations (like their 50th!) Well its likely they are spending their special day with someone else who they feel are equally as special and if its not you it is … Red Flag No. 3!


4) ´Husband number three, joiner Martin Wright, 54, took out a mortgage to buy a £52,000 home for them. They went on trips together, but astonishingly she spent only two nights over four years at their house’.


I mean it speaks for itself!


… So BDSS you have been warned! But can you think of any other red flags that your significant other may have two wives or husbands...

I Met Her At The Car Park In Tesco´s...

Let's be honest we all never met our partners at church, through family/friends, in the workplace or any other acceptable place!

In this day and age its more likely you met your partner in a bar, club, pub, online... maybe you got chirpsed on road or he/she chatted you up on a bus: The BDSS: I Want To Be Your Babyfather...

For blogging purposes I'm going to tell you how I met my current partner...

It was 2004 and of course I was out with the BDSS's for a night of madness and mayhem!

I'll admit I was drunk and I attempted to do the electric slide with a glass of wine in one hand; and said hand got knocked and wine actually ended up in my face - :-D but somehow my winning personality shone through and despite what they say about meting people in the club (only good for a short sexual encounter) we are still going strong, and in my defense I rarely go out and get rat faced because I like to drive home and see my own bed after a night out!

But having said that I know it won't make for a very good how I met your father story for any possible future children and I actually know there are people out there who care about such things, and you only have to watch TV to know that a romantic meeting story is desirable!

Therefore BDSS I want to hear how you met your significant other, whether you stole them from someone else! Or he chirpsed you whilst walking down the street I want to hear it! Because I think in the pursuit of love it seems anything goes these days!

Also where are the acceptable meeting places?

When It Hurts So Bad...

Firstly I have been directed by BDSS:Debs to highlight the BDSS’s disdain for the X Factor.

Now although I missed last nights results show Debs has informed me that it was a choice between F.Y.D & Katie Waissel (or as I like to call her Weasel! lol)

Debs assured me that if it was based on performance alone then F.Y.D had it hands down, but as we all know the show is fixed and so the Weasel lives on to sing another day! and if your still in denial that its a fix, check this out:http://www.anorak.co.uk/256750/tv/how-the-x-factor-and-sony-bmg-fixed-it-for-katie-waissel-aka-katie-vogel.html

So anyways back to today’s topic; when it hurts so bad, as Tina Turner famously sang who needs a heart when a heart can be broken - and badly at that!

I don’t know about you but I definitely remember the first time I got my heart broken, the first time I realized that sometimes men are crap! lol


It came as a complete shock, a bolt of the blue to find out the person I loved, the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with was sleeping with or had slept with someone else and at the time I faced what I thought was a big dilemma...


Should I continue on with the relationship because I love him or should I end the relationship because well ... I hate him! (I think there’s a very thin line between love and hate).


I mean I really struggled with accepting that maybe he was not marriage material (the signs where there all along, but I choose to ignore them!) and gradually I grew to resent, despise and hate this person because well ... I do hold grudges! lol


But I realise that that is just me, and that there are people out there who even after infidelity are willing to ride that surfboard until wipe out!


So with that being said BDSS I want to know how? How when you feel you have been hurt so bad do you move forward? Or are you like me do you hold grudges!?


All hints, tips & tricks will be greatly appreciated…

Apprentice appreciation- we love you LORD SUGAR

I don't know about you but I LOVE The apprentice.

Its back for another twelve weeks with the same mixture of crazy and ultimately pointless tasks where candidates battle it out to prove that they are the ultimate candidate and be hired for the £100,000 salary.

Sir Alan has been promoted he is now a Lord. Lord sugar doesn't that sound grand! “Lord Flav"....nah my last name doesn't have the same ring to it, except funnily enough in my own head lol!

But I love Lord Sugar, with his mixture of cockney accent (He is a fellow hackney-ite like me) and business acumen. His classic one-liners. He made a funny quip about being offered money from someone in nigeria once! In the first episode! He had all the blackberry messenger updates going after that! The man is a man of the world, he is global!

But I also love watching the candidates, a classic cringe-induding line from one of them, in one of the very first sequences of the program was "everything I touch turns to sold" wow blown away I was not but I can see what he was trying to do!...

You've got to love the candidates with all their "I'm the best" rhetoric

I may have been made redundant but "I'm the best blah blah blah"

I may be an unemployed graduate but "I'm the best blah blah blah"

With such a heady mix of ego's competitiveness, LORD SUGAR and tasks that make you think sausages....hmm!!! Apprentice is my idea of a hilarious tv viewing.

If you haven't seen the first episode bbc iplayer it.

All I will say is DAN ragging bull, way too much testosterone!

Between, watching The Apprentice, X-factor and Trueblood how will I ever prise myself away from my TV? *Sigh*

Do you fellow bdss'ers enjoy the apprentice as much as I do? Its far better than strictly come dancing!

I Am A Women - Address Me As Such!

Why do some men insist on addressing you as if you're one of their boys.

Its one of my real bugbears (a long with being called princess).

I'm serious I hate this, I'm not your bredrin, your b, your bruv, your homie, your dog.

Whatever happened to addressing your female friend like your female friend and not your boy.

I understand we are close, but as much as I will sit down with you and watch a football game and become interested, or listen to you go on about the challenges of your day at work, I might listen to some hip-hop or whatever music you like (I've only now deleted the drake from my phone- my point is I'm not a huge hip-hop fan but you make concessions for each other!), or watch a film you like (I found inception tiring! Although you loved it).

We can sit down and talk about anything, politics, religion (although this discussion gets heated), music, x factor etc.

We are friends I know (and I guess all those words are said in an affectionate sounding way- well as much as is possible), they are terms used to greet someone nicely within our community.

But I don't have a penis or beard, or a baritone voice, I never grew up with you, so we never chatted up girls together, or had our first spliff together, or sat around in the barbers with you on a saturday getting your hair cut planning some "moves" together. I'm just not that bredrin you like to holla at me as! You've still got your boys!

My tomboy days have long since gone, in those days it would have been great to be thought of as one of the boys as it meant you were cool with the boys you used to fancy.

Also gone is my love for lyrics such as "your like my homie" butta love next! Or "me and my bitch". Me and my bitch Jaheem!

Maybe I'm alone on this one, maybe I'm being uptight, highly strung whatever...you can think that!

Just don't call me bredrin, bruv or b!

Address women as women!

Over to you bdss'ers!!

What's your bugbear? Get it off your chest!

X Factor Shambles... (I Know I´m Late With This One!)

Now whilst I don´t think Cheryl is a racist, I do think that possibly the malaria has made her loss her right mind! (along with her self respect, her dignity, some loyal fans and I might be inclined to add her frigging soul)!

I mean between Gamu and that Katie there was clearly no competition and that´s why every fiber of my being told me and everyone else (except Cheryl) that Gamu was going through to the live shows... I would go as far as saying it was a collective being, a national being (which obviously excluded Cheryl!).

How else could you explain the hardcore focus on Gamu  from the first show?  I mean as well as the great singing we also got the whole back story: ¨I came from Zimbabwe, I´m a student and my mum worked so hard I want to give back¨, along with all the tears,  and the insistent soppy background music (every one knows by now that when Westlife plays the contestant has got through to the next round, fact! lol) to the point were anyone who has ever watched the show over the past how many years KNEW that Gamu was going through;

Gamu was a dead cert, an audience favorite and tipped to win it according to ALL sources! :-D

So a long with the collective being I was definitely bewildered, shocked, horrified, disgusted, disappointed & confused.com upon learning that Gamu was not going through to the live shows;  and even more shocked that Katie was chosen instead?!

Its was such an unexpected decision that I would even compare the shock to when I found out Princess Diana died or when I was up late one night and found out that Michael Jackson  died!… you know one of them real bewildering huh? moments! ... like you remember exactly what you were doing the day Gamu got booted off the X Factor... ´I was swimming with dolphins in the Indian Ocean when I heard the news about Gamu!´ :-(

But I guess that´s show business for you... nothing makes sense when ratings & revenue are involved! and although we have always suspected the show is somehow fixed (I mean its the show that brought us Jedward after all),  I really like X Factor and I really liked Cheryl up until Saturday,  but now I´m questioning her capacity to sit in the judging seat... I mean she choose a Madonna wannabe over real singing talent and she has got a big thumbs down for her trouble (talking about Í´m back to health´ she should have just stayed at home in bed if you ask me! kmt)

I mean I can understand why she put Cher through; she said she was right up her 'Street' which is fair enough; and the other lady can definitely sing! But Katie? that question mark will loom over the next few weeks... that is unless she preforms miracles on the show (I would suggest farting gold dust or singing a song through without forgetting the words as a start!). I think the only thing Cheryl got right is that Katie is like marmite, you either love her or hate her!

My personal theory is not that Cheryl is a racist or that she is paying Africa back for the Malaria! (the people that come up with these conspiracy theories are obviously on some other level! lol) but that this year she has obviously succumbed to the powers that be and someone has made the decision for her, in order to garner as much hype, publicity, controversy, anger, hate etc that can be stimulated from a show that has a formula which is running out of steam!

Either that or the malaria has had some surprising lasting effects...

So anyways my BDSS´ers where were you when you heard the Gamu news? and what are your thoughts on Cheryl and her choice of Katie?

Conversations With A Babyfather...

Following on from the previous post The BDSS: I Want To Be Your Babyfather...

Whilst it raised a consensus amongst the BDSS that none of  us could possibly imagine being baby mother number 5, 8, 11 or 13! We all would be willing to engage with a man who has  children from previous relationships/liasons depending on the type of male he is (i.e., preferably in employment,  contributing to the child/children´s upbringing both financially, emotionally, taking care of their welfare and all that other good father stuff)!

We also agreed that it is the children who are likely to suffer in a situation like the one in the article and if you check the comments someone even envisioned baby mother fights and all sorts because of the father not being able to provide for all his 15 children!

However I think the issue brings up more  questions than answers that frankly the BDSS are not equipped to answer ourselves, I think we need a male perspective or something…

Luckily I did have the opportunity to talk with a male, who lets say is an older gentlemen who himself has a number of children by a few women, (obviously not to the extreme of the man from the article)! 

Me and my fellow BDSS Sel were having a conversation about cheating with this man and during the conversation he alluded to the fact that as a male with a number of children by different women it can make starting relationships not so easy, in fact I think he may have used the word  HINDRANCE! lol 

Now he did clarify he was not saying his children themselves are a hindrance to him, but attached to the fact he has so many children by a few women is the idea that he is some kind of playboy, the idea that women may not take him seriously now because of it.

Which he said when he was  younger he did not even consider the consequence (Maybe he thought himself virile- lol!).

It was really one of them ´ been there and done that´ kind of conversations and the crux of it all was that now with hindsight he wished he had all his children with just  one women!  In fact he said he would not recommend multiple babymothers at all! (I love a male perspective!) :-D



It was great hearing this perspective, unfortunately me and Sel did not explore it further, because as I said we were talking about something else so the conversation took a different focus...

But I would love to carry on the conversation now because I know this is just one male´s opinion and there are probably other males out there who have a totally different perspective. 

So guys help us BDSS´s out with more useful insights into your babymother drama! 

We promise to be nice if you promise to be honest and tell us what is up with multiple children by multiple women, the BDSS are all ears…

p.s, We know it takes two to tango, so women feel free to jump on board with your comments! (and we are aware of the Urika Johnson´s out there guys so don´t think we´re male bashing!)