My Electronic Companion!!

"Always be pressing my buttons, mane!"

My 'Torch' into the world was diminished the day I forgot my Blackberry at home. Er - don't tut and roll your eyes at me; we all know how it feels the moment you realise you left your beloved phone behind. For me, that sinking feeling came a week ago as I was stepping onto the train to work. Even though I normally read a book or the paper on the train and shouldn't technically miss the phone, all I could do was think about it, left all alone on the charger with no-one to respond to its random noises or acknowledge its red bleeps (aww, diddums!). Once I'm at work, I can pretty much use the work phone and access any social site to contact my family and friends but I'm at a lost when I'm waiting for a bus to the station with nothing to 'fiddle' with (keep it watershed, ladies and gents!), so it really shouldn't have been too much of a deal ...

Honestly, I'm not a maniac (well, not completely) but I thought it would be interesting to explore just how much we depend on our phone nowadays and more precisely, the smartphone. I treat my Torch like my personal PA; it's my shopping list, my wishlist, my light into the social world. My notepad, my dictionary and my compass should I get lost. My methodology for remembering birthdays, my camera for those special moments and alarm clock. It even - and get this - enables me to speak to people via a mini microphone and if I don't remember the number, there's this app call 'Phonebook' that enables me to look it up (with another app to stop me from having to speak to those I'd prefer not to - ha!).

But that's my point, our phones are such a significant tool within the modern life that it only becomes apparent when you've either forgotten it or lost it. But being so dependable in more ways than I have already mentioned, how could it not be? On a BDSSer night out a few months back, our BDSSer Bi even found the time and signal in the club to examine potential properties (granted, the place was dry) showing just how integrated our lil assistants are in our everyday lives.

However, I liken it to our very own electronic pet since it demands attention in return for fulfilling so much for us. Eager to stay on form, it practically throws a strop when it's in need of some juice (i.e. battery power), becomes erratic when it has a fever (i.e. caught a bug), and appreciates a stroke or two (i.e. a good wipe of the screen!). Some of us even go as far as to find it a lovely coat to protect it from the elements (i.e. case).

Those of us with Blackberries had real problems getting our 'pets' to behave last week when Blackberry Messenger went down lol; it was a real pandemonium. I had rebooted mine about 3 times before I figured it had to be something else. Alas, I must hang my head in shame and admit that I pulled out my 2nd Blackberry to send a 'test' message to the 1st one as my mini experiment. It got to the point where BDSSer Sel and I labelled the messages we sent with the time we were sending them lol. What made me laugh is that even in the midst of an obvious problem, you still had those serial broadcasters sending their ' if you don't send this on your whole phone's operational system will be deleted' crap (or something to that ridiculous effect). A system update a few days later and all was well.

I remember the days when you had a diary, an actual alarm clock (or in some cases, a mother!), an A-Z,  MSN and then a simply Sony Ericsson (or BT Cellnet for the unfortunate ones!) - those days are long gone and have been replaced by our lil electronic companions that seem to do it all. Not so much I wouldn't know what to do without it, but I can honestly say I'd struggle a whole heap going back to the pre-smartphone era.

I hope to be as appreciative of the Playbook; when I eventually get one!

Do you have an Electronic Companion? Be it your tablet or laptop, your mp3 player or your kindle, is it something you'd struggle to do without?

The Invisible Umblical Cord, Is It Ruling Your Life?

 Have you checked yourself lately? I mean really checked who you are? Stripped of the labels we are often given by our family, friends, work colleagues etc. Who are you to you? What does it mean to be you? Are you happy? Are there any negative similarities with your life, and that of your parents?

The reason why I ask these questions is because these are some of the questions that I have asked myself and a few of my peers over the past few months. Having gained a range of answers, I have noticed one recurring theme 'parents or guardians'. 

They say that the first seven years of a child’s life shapes them for the rest of their lives, therefore many of us who have had some negative experiences in our childhoods find the past effecting us even when are not consciously aware of it. Obviously each of us is shaped differently so one experience may not be viewed negatively by another or have the same impact. A few weeks ago I was reading an article about two thirty something twins, deep in the grips of anorexia which they had developed in secondary school. Both women were intelligent, had had stable upbringings with two loving parents but just could not escape the grips of this dreadful illness. When describing what had triggered the illness some of the reasons given were: moving from state to private education, being competitive with each other, but the reason that stood out for me the most was a comment that their father had innocently made. Noticing his daughters were going through puberty he must have innocently said something along the lines of “My girls are no longer girls now”. The twins became very resentful towards this statement thus their developing bodies and made a deadly decision to maintain their prepubescent bodies even at their own peril. This a strong example of the negative implications that our parents can have on our lives even has adults, and very innocently. The twins are a good example because you can physically see the damage that they are doing to their bodies, but there are many of us walking around with emotional weights on our shoulders that cannot be seen, and these 'weights' are not being dealt with.

Through the years it's amazed me just how many people find it acceptable to justify their own negative behavioural patterns on their parents actions. They have sometimes come out with statements such as “I'm not a great Dad/Mum because of my parents” or “I act this way because of my parents relationship”. Identifying the source of your issues is just one step to resolving them. Parents of course are meant to nurture and guide us in the right direction, but they're human too. Some of us feel the need to act like a child and pass the buck back to them when repeating their behaviour. Some of us don't actually question their actions: “What made my parent/s act this way?” or “What effect did this action have on my life?”, “Should I continue this sort of behaviour myself?” Almost like a guide book we follow what we have seen, even though we know the outcome isn't necessarily positive.

Obviously we are no longer children and it is important has adults that we start identifying certain behavioural patterns so that we no longer repeat them. We may not know what caused our parents behaviour, they have their own experiences, and it is important to be mindful of the implications that repeating our pasts or letting our pasts effect us negatively can have on our children or partners. A few years ago whilst taking my A-levels I wrote an essay on the play Glass Menagerie by Tennessee Williams. Whilst describing one of the main character's relationships with her mother I used the term 'Invisible Umbilical Cord' to describe the hold that the mother had over her daughter's life. Although of course the umbilical cord is a connection a baby shares with his/her mother I also use this term to identify the relationship a child has with his or her father or guardian. This 'cord' can be a wonderful thing, a link that can never be broken, one of the closest bonds we can have. But it can also link us negatively to issues even when we don't realise it.

I was speaking to a very dear friend about the relationship she had with her mother. She hadn't had contact with her mother for many years, and had built up so much resentment, even though her mother wasn't physically in her life she was haunting it. My friend is a loving parent and by no means even resembles her own mother in regards to parenting, but I use the term 'haunted' because even though she would argue that she was over the let down, hurt and shame felt by growing up without a mother, they were clearly hurting because the past feelings had not adequately been dealt with. Part of overcoming this hurt is not blaming yourself. My friend was extremely angry when talking about her mother, and I felt part of this anger was because of all the negative things that she had internalised her mother as thinking: perhaps she wasn't good enough, worth it, and didn't deserve her mothers love etc. I tried to explain as best as I could that she doesn't know what issues were going off in her mothers life, clearly you have to be in a negative place mentally or physically not to take care of your own child, therefore I encouraged my friend to try and not personalise the should have, would have, could have, so much, in order to let go. Even though their behaviour was unintentional their mother in this instance was still having a negative impact on her life.

Some of us with major gripes find it very difficult to confront our parents about whatever they have done to cause us pain. When we do confront them we may not get the response we are actually wanting, on other occasions this can be a profound experience and our parents can open up a door that they perhaps didn't feel needed to be opened or didn't realise how we may have felt. Confrontation isn't always necessary or even possible, therefore perhaps a step in the right direction is looking inwards at yourself and answering some of the questions at the top of the post, and thinking what behaviour is causing you or those around you pain that is relative to your past experiences and what steps you can take to transform your own behaviour.

It is important to remember no matter how many years we have been acting a certain way, it is possible to transform our lives profoundly just by taking small steps. Most importantly we have to want to change, and also recognise what needs to be worked upon. It also helps to have the support of friends, family and your religion if you have one. A familiar complaint I have heard from women is: “I attract this sort of man because of my own father”, this can be a good and bad thing. Some women have a very stable, loving and trusting relationship with their fathers, therefore when looking for a partner have an added advantage of having a clear definition of what a man with these qualities acts like. On the other hand women who have a distorted relationship with their father, or he is absent. Sometimes (not always) find themselves attracting men similar to their father, perhaps men that lack commitment, or they may not trust men and find it difficult to form stable relationships. Again once these problems have been identified and addressed you can take a step in the right direction to meeting the person who is right for YOU.

I was recently speaking to one of my own parents about my views on relationships which was virtually a carbon copy as to the ideologies that I was raised with. After I had finished this particular statement I was told that although I was raised to think this way and was obviously acting this process out in my life, having grown wiser and lead that example it was actually not a positive or very productive way to think, and I could do myself more harm than good. I was then told some sterling advice in regards to my situation, even though it was the opposite of what I had been raised to do or think! I left the conversation thinking 'wow', parents don't always get things right.

Take the positive from your past. The love, happiness, memories, and all the extraordinary acts that our parents or care givers have shown us. Embrace this and share this with your children and partners. But don't be a slave to the past! If you're hurting share it with friends your family, do not view counselling or life coaching negatively. I know many people that have put to bed many issues not just to do with their pasts, and led positive lives without an emotional dark cloud hanging over their heads. Get to know YOU, identify what it means to be YOU. Try and create positive behavioural patterns that make YOU feel positively happy. Don't spend years, months, weeks in the past, we have futures for a reason. But most importantly just be YOU!*

*If you are feeling depressed in anyway for whatever reason please do not suffer in silence, seek medical attention from your health care professional.

Paternity Fraud – You are/are not the father!

The other day Bi pointed out that Trisha, yes our Trish; the UK’s equivalent of Sally Jesse Raphael (or Ricki Lake… not quite Oprah) was presenting Maury Povich.

Now having watched Maury Povich over the years, I think most people would agree he is famous for the following: “you are/are not the father”.

It got me thinking as great as it is for our Trish to be presenting Maury, imagine if it was Jeremy Kyle! ha ha *Just let that thought linger* 

Jeremy Kyle the UK’s equivalent of Jerry Springer –but plain rude with it. He tells it like it …IS! So as well as the guests abusing each other, Jeremy calls them “scum”, “useless” and generally “degenerates not contributing to society!”

So…imagine Jeremy Kyle (Mr Insults) on a show which is synonymous with women not knowing who their baby daddy (or daddies) is/are… (Great talk show TV – I say!)

I digress…

…A typical Maury episode:

Woman does not know who her "baby daddy" is so she turns up to test Man 1: her boyfriend and Man 2: Her boyfriend’s friend (A drunken mistake)

Woman: "You are the daddy, you are the daddy!" (she is so self assured and confident) "You were the only one..."

Maury: “You are not the father!” x2

*cue her boyfriend cry and his friend breaking out in the running man.

Women’s turn up again this time with Man 3: Her ex (Man 1)'s other friend and man 4: Her ex’s twin brother (Another drunken mistake):

Women: "I'm real sure, there was no body else..." (not as self assured as before)

Maury: “You are not the father!” x2

*again cue men breaking out in the running man, plus doing cartwheels.

Women turns up for the third time with man 5: Her ex (man 1)'s other brother and man 6: Her ex’s cousin; plus (because things are getting desperate) man 7: Her ex’s cousin (Man 6)'s cousin!:

Women: "I just need to know!" (tears and head down)

Maury:  “You are not the father!” x3

* Scenes of Jubilation – (Picture the South African World Cup) Vuvuzela’s blown in unison, singing and dancing –general hysteria of a joyful nature!

If you don't believe me check this out:

Your probably wondering what is my point.

Well when watching these shows a lot of the time the women say they want to know because they believe their child needs a father no.1 and no.2  has a right to know who their biological father is.

A bit of research regarding paternity issues has brought up some interesting history in regards to ‘paternity fraud’ or ‘misattribution of paternity’:

“Misattributed paternity refers to the non-judgemental identification of children who have a biological father other than the man who thinks he is the biological father. Professor Michael Gilding estimated a rate for the total population of 1%-3%, and identified possible rates for "at risk" (broken families)  groups of perhaps 10% or more.

Paternity fraud refers to cases where men, and/or an agency, are deceived in order to obtain money from them, for example via the child support system. Whether there are any such cases in the population that are not at risk depends on one's definition. There are certainly cases of paternity fraud in the at-risk population, and some are well known. Indeed, there is the likelihood that paternity fraud goes back at least 400 years in England!”

Source: Child Support Analysis

It’s nothing new, for century’s women have been passing off children "conceived out" (of the marriage or relationships) as their husbands or partners; so in a strange sense those women on Maury should be applauded for having the guts to admit their mistake in the face of extreme ridicule and for trying to rectify the issue by finding out the true biological father of their child. Or is it just a case of Paternity Fraud?

Also I think in the celebrity world paternity is power why else would certain women end up with babies from celebs or men in high power when all the signs said he is not going to marry you:
Little Waynes baby mamas or Monaco's Prince Albert and Nicole Coste the scenerio is different say to these women I Want To Be Your Baby Daddy who I wrote about in a previous post, having babies with a non celebrity and possibly a jobless man you will not reap the benefits!

Anyway, I wondered have any of you ever experienced a situation akin to a Maury Povich show. Any men out there been the victim  of paternity deception or fraud? How did you cope? What was the outcome? Any women out there want to admit and discuss their own misattribution of paternity and the reason for it? Also has any of you BDSS'ers experienced finding out your father was not your biological father? 
Finally which is worse,  not knowing your biological father at all or knowing that your mother appeared on national TV and tested numerous men in the search for him?

I blame Chris Rock, Nicki Manaj, Lady Gaga and Porn

I blame Chris Rock....I do.

Have any of you seen Chris Rocks film Good Hair?

I was out with the  ladies from the BDSS and others on Saturday, and suddenly I felt outnumbered.

There was a lady with a lovely Afro from Ethiopian.

There was another with lovely extensions from Ireland, Jamaica and Ghana.

Another from Congo with lovely, shoulder length locks.

Another from Jamaica who was rocking a TWA (Teeny Weeny Afro).

Then there were the BDSS ladies, Bi who is growing her hair out, Debs who is also growing her hair out, and Si who, as is well documented went, for the big chop a few months ago.

What all the ladies had in common was the fact that they are all going natural. The conversation went from what natural hair products to use, to what hairdresser people frequent or don't frequent! Glycerol oil, Kimitube concoctions, coconut oils, youtube web video's, how going natural makes them feel etc etc...

And then there was me, Miss Relaxed hair with no intention of going natural! Definitely out numbered, I blame Chris Rock. Now, it may have been the film clip of the aluminium can being dissolved in one of the chemicals that's in relaxer in under 4 hours, or the sight of a hole being burned into a piece  of chicken breast, caused by one of the chemicals in the relaxer but either way, I don't think so many of the ladies were going natural before Chris Rock scared us all with his good hair film. I was completely outnumbered!

I blame Nicki Manaj and Lady Gaga....I really do!

I went to a club on Friday night and I could not believe the ugly shoes that some of the ladies were wearing with their lovely dresses lol. I think that if you are going to try and pull off a sexy but edgy look, you need to not dress your top half (i.e: your hair, make-up and dress) really sophisticated and sexy - polished, and then put on a hideous pair of heeled biker boots. It looked completely wrong and screams fashion victim. The killer was that it wasn't just one person in a group of women, there were so so many. I'd look up and admire the dress, the hair and make up (we women do scan other women to see what they are wearing), only to look down and feel like 'whoa - what are those' lol!

FYI: the boots did not look as stylish as these. Stop it you are not Lady Gaga or Manaj - If you want to wear kooky looking boots or shoes, a final glance in the mirror is a good idea to ensure that it enhances an outfit and not completely ruins it.

I blame porn.....I really do!

I was speaking to the ladies the other day about the art of talking dirty, what things are appropriate and what not. More specifically what things are okay for a person to request you to say to them during sex "I love it when you call me big poppa", "say my name" etc. We were all in agreement that we do not like being referred to as bitch during the do example conversation:

"Are you my bitch?"

"Excuse you bitch Nah never that mate"

Then instead of having sex you start debating why it is its not right etc. It kills the mood.

But taking it a step further can you request someone to say anything during it. If someone tells you to tell them you love them (when you don't) , or that they are the greatest (when you've had better) Do you say it? Personally I think no, as I would not want to have to disappoint someone later on down the line, by having to confess that actually that profession of feelings made during sex, was not genuine. Example conversation:

"But you said you loved me??"

"I only said it during sex, I didn't mean it, I thought you did they same thing....oh so you really love me..I thought we were just kicking it"

Awkward much!!

I think this idea that you can say and do anything during sex is false. I blame porn!

So there you have it; I blame Chris Rock, Lady Gaga and porn for all these terrible things. Can you think of any other things that aren't right and who or what caused such a thing?

It Wasn't Me ...Take Some Responsibility for your Relationship Breakdown

BDSS’ers have you ever had one of those days (you know the ones I’m talking about)…

You see my problem is I have a low tolerance for foolishness; plus I carry my gas money: http://t.co/Jlk1b78 (or petrol as we call it in the UK!)

This can sometimes mean certain people dislike what I say (which is fair enough) but not only that they give me more power than I’m due; casting me as the grand puppet master in the demise of their relationship!

Well the other day things got quite ridiculous, to the point that insults and threats were made (not by me); and in the midst of this I took to twitter and tweeted in a passive aggressive manner (as people on twitter do!):

“I should do a post entitled I am not the reason your relationship broke up, you should try taking some responsibility.” *grr!*

To which @CredibleJ of the great blog http://www.brotherswithnogame.com/ replied “lool I would read it” so Credible J this one is for you (kind of!).

You see this person took offense to something I said because I questioned certain behaviour and in the midst of all the insults flowing I said to myself, hang on a minute MATE!  I did not lie up in the bed and conceive the seed that ruined your relationship. It wasn’t me *Shaggy voice* how about you take some ownership?

Later on during the same day I came across a tweet by Tony A Gaskin Jr:

(Verbatim) “A Grown Man: accepts FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his life, points no blame and understands Purpose, Legacy & Love.”

Now if all of the above does not constitute a sign that I should do a post about FULL RESPONSIBILITY in a relationship then I don’t know what (a sign) is! 

So without further ado…

Responsible Definition:

Pronunciation: /rɪˈspɒnsɪb(ə)l/

Adjective

• 1 [predic.] having an obligation to do something, or having control over or care for someone, as part of one's job or role: the cabinet minister responsible for Education
• (responsible to) having to report to (a superior) and be answerable to them for one's actions: the Prime Minister and cabinet are responsible to Parliament
• 2 being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it: Gooch was responsible for 198 of his side's 542 runs
• morally accountable for one's behaviour: the progressive emergence of the child as a responsible being
• 3 (of a job or position) involving important duties, independent decision-making, or control over others.
• capable of being trusted :a responsible adult   

So let's say things have gone wrong in your relationship and your wondering why; a great place to start is with yourself.

A bit of self reflection in the form of some honestly answered questions will go a long way to healing some of that misplaced angst (towards others):

Did I pick the wrong person?
Did I ignore that sign?
Did I make a mistake?
Did I do something which on reflection caused the current outcome?
Was I the best me I could be in the relationship?

All of the above equals taking responsibility and realising that the answer lies within you (not me or anyone else): Being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it I will say I don't think the "be blamed" part is as bad as it connotes rather if when things are going good we're happy to take the 'credit' why then when things go pear shaped we don't want to admit our part? ('blame')

Mistakes in relationships are part of normal life but what we do when we make these mistakes is the difference between being morally accountable for one's behaviour or passing the buck! 

Some times we have to get right down to the nitty gritty exploring things within us that we don't necessarily want to admit to ourselves let alone the other party in order to move on.

Being morally accountable may require owning up to our own stuff (somebody almost went off with my stuff! lol); no amount of finger pointing will change the fact that we all have issues.

Again, a bit of self reflection in the form of some honestly answered questions will go a long way to healing some of that misplaced angst (towards others):

Was I jealous?
Was I insecure?
Was I controlling?
Was I scared?
Was I selfish? 
Was I a horrible girlfriend/boyfriend?
Was I the best me I could be in the relationship?

If you can't get to the root of yourself, how else are you going to guarantee that what you have to offer another person (or even the same person) is something good (or different?).

As Tony A Gaskin Jr said:

(Verbatim) “A Grown Man (and women): accepts FULL RESPONSIBILITY for his life, points no blame and understands Purpose, Legacy & Love.”

If you are not dealing with your life circumstances in the right way then you are not capable of being trusted: a responsible adult 

I guess the point I'm trying to make BDSS’er is if things always go sour in your relationships it’s likely that it wasn’t me, it wasn’t them… nope it’s YOU!  

Now take some responsibility!

So BDSS’ers do you carry petrol (sorry gas money)? Has it got you into hot water? Also have you ever dealt with someone not willing to make the bed they lied in? How do you deal with relationship break ups and make ups?

Great British Female Artists - Estelle and Co

Its coming up to the weekend lets talk about some music. A song that I have had on repeat for the past week is Estelle ft Rick Ross, "Don't break my heart"

I absolutely adore this track, it just sounds so cool, I think it might be the way Rick Ross makes that "uh" sound, and Estelle looks fabulous in the video, but I must ask how old is Rick Ross? he looks like someones grandad, although I like his uniqueness and style overall but please someone tell me how old!

Check out the video, as I say I think its a great track, she has a new album coming out soon, called "all of me" so purchase it, her last album is in a pile of Cd's that are sat on or near my stereo for easy access (the albums I like are all out of their CD cases ready to be played whenever the mood takes me). I'm hoping it will be as good as her last album with American boy, and substitute lover to name a few tracks.

Now don't get me wrong I'm a huge fan of American female artists, singers, songwriters, rappers etc not so much Bey Bey I'm more a Jill Scott type of woman, but there is a lot to be said about the talent on this side of the pond. Listening to Estelle has got me reflecting on British singer, song writers who deserve a bit of credit along side Estelle.

1) Beverley Knight

She is a wonderfully talented singer, and I remember jamming to her old school tracks and feeling like she was up there with the likes of all the other American rnb stuff I listened to during my teens, all her "feel the flavor of the old school" type songs. She has a new album out now, if you like her current stuff then go support.


Next I was slightly tempted to throw in some Mystique, but although I enjoyed their song's at the time, and I felt like Sabrina Washington had a nice enough voice,  I couldn't stand and actually I still can't stand Alisha Dixons' rapping....... "YOU KNOW YOUR FEELING MY FLO DO SHO"....wtf...moving on...

2) Floetry

I don't even know which video to choose from, the combination of the spoken word from Natalie and the Soulful singing of Marsha was just second to none, its so difficult to choose and if you never went to a floetry concert then you missed out. One of the best concerts I've been to! And Marsha's solo work since they split is just Tres Bien (I paid attention in french lessons).

Shola Ama or Kele Le Roc next maybe? No! How about Leona Lewis, I know I know its a bit moist (to use some street vernacular), I'm not a fan of ballads, but I know a lot of people love Leona Lewis and there is no denying she has an amazing voice.

3) Leona Lewis

4) Corrine Bailey Rae

Corrine Bailey Rae writes some really charming and mellow songs.

There are of course more artists I could name Jessie J, Adele, I really wanted to throw in Miss Dynamite but against the other artists listed it wouldn't be right although I was in love with her little deeper album still am....Gabrielle, Mica Paris....so many.

So BDSS'ers who are your favourite British artists? and what song of theirs do you like to listen to? They are a talented bunch, and unfortunately some do not get the credit they are due (clearly this does not apply to people like Adele - she has a mercury music nomination, Leona Lewis etc before someone comments lol).

PS: We bdss ladies did actually meet Estelle, in the K west hotel a few years back when we were celebrating debs birthday, when American boy was no.1 in the charts. I did attempt to take a picture of the girls with her, however I was drunk, I do not have steady hands, and I don't think the stabilizing facilities on the camera was that great. I took the pictures all excitedly, we were all loud making noise (the hotel people were telling us to keep the noise down). When we actually looked back at the photo's they all blurry so got deleted....so you'll have to take my word for it!

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What If He Doesn't Want To Marry You?

Well done! After years of kissing frogs, b*tching to your girls that all men are dogs, and swearing that you will remain celibate for the rest of your life after yet another let down you have finally found him – Your very own Mr nearly Right!

Attractive? – TICK!

Intelligent? - TICK!

Spiritual or Religious? TICK!

Ambitious? – TICK!

No ex drama? – TICK!

Holds down a job? – TICK!

No serious emotional baggage? – TICK!

Honest? – TICK!

Loves you? - One big fat TICK!

Wants to get married? Errrrrmmmmmm

A few weeks ago I was speaking to a close male friend who was giving me the lowdown on his relationship. For once he seemed extremely content with his girlfriend, and I admired her for being the one who was finally getting him to settle down. My friend is approaching 30 and desperately wants to have children, his girlfriend on the other hand also wants children put his vehemently refusing until he 'Put A Ring On It'. My friend was adamant that there is no way he is EVER getting married. I was shocked at how strongly he felt against marriage, and he said something to the effect of “It will be like I'm handcuffed to her forever”. Shocked at his attitude I said “Well having a baby also means you are attached to that person forever, without the option of divorce”. But no matter how hard I tried to convince him otherwise he wouldn't listen. Eventually I threw in the towel and admitted defeat, this man was definitely not hearing it!

My male friend was by no means the only man I had come across that felt this way. I have heard often from female friends that their partners would have a baby at the drop of a hat, but when it came to marriage there was a big drama. Some women relented and had a child, but years down the line they still remained 'Miss', others held steadfast and either got their wish in the end, or decided to walk away, because marriage was firmly on their Mr Right check list, and the men they were with,  definitely didn't want to tick the marriage box.

My own opinion of marriage has definitely changed over the years, growing up I actually didn't have much examples of successful marriages, or even marriages in general. Instead I was brought up by a army of single strong women doing it alone, so it was hard to know what was needed to make a marriage work, or even what a marriage really was. I actually just tended to think about what the day would be like, or what I would wear, rather than the man that I would vow to spend the rest of my life with. A few weeks ago I went to church and the Priest said that he asked for a donation from couples for the church maintenance when they were married. He must have asked one lady for the donation after she had listed the thousands of pounds she had spent on flowers, dresses, cars etc. and when he mentioned the donation (which wasn't a lot) she was baffled. That was pretty much my view of marriage, materialistic things and a few vows thrown in. I also think that as we all know it's hard enough finding the 'Right One' without throwing marriage into the mix so it wasn't actually something that I found to be a huge deal-breaker in my quest to find him.

I will now call that nativity on my part, marriage isn't just 'The Day' but so much more. Whether you are married in a church or registry office you are making a serious commitment not only to the person you are getting married to, but religiously, legally, and spiritually in front of family and friends. I totally understand the annoyance that women feel when their partners are dragging their feet, it may be perceived as though they do not want to make that commitment to them which throws in many questions as to their future together and also how the man actually perceives the relationship. That being said I know a number of marriages that have only lasted a matter of months, and relationships without marriage that have lasted many many many years, so I don't think marriage is for everyone, or is even a sign a relationship will last.

Would it make me walk away from a great thing if he didn't want to say 'I do'? I really find that hard to answer, I've never been in that situation but would feel like he was rejecting me, which would lead me onto loads of other thoughts about his attitude to the relationship. If we both weren't keen on marriage then that would be different, but when one party is for it and the other isn't that's an hard one to resolve.

The problem is there are many single beautiful, intelligent women out there so it begs the question that Si raised in her blog post Too 'Picky' (Is this why your single?) Can you really afford to walk away from a nearly Mr Right man, just because he doesn't want to get married? What if you never meet anyone else that is even a patch on him? 

So can any men shed light on what makes some men scared of marriage? Ladies is marriage important to you? Would a partner not wanting to get married make you walk away?

Ciao!

Just aint fair . . . for us women!

No contest, really.

Don't you sometimes wonder why, on top of the regular runnings that life throws our way on a daily basis, we women have some much more to contend with than our male counterparts:

No. 1: Periods!

This had to be listed as the number one most unfair affliction ever! How on earth did we get landed with the monthly leakage and our fellow men get off scott free. I don’t know about you but I get the most un-blessed pain with mine that I’m always knocked out for the first couple of days and some times, even the couple of days leading up to it.

Not to mention the ‘products’ we have to buy. Even if you’re feeling that end of the month pinch and can barely afford to eat, you’d better make sure you’ve got enough change for those essential ‘plugs’ (tampons, for those who are not following!); don’t even get me started about how much it costs these days for a pack of 16 … well, at least the pads no longer feel like you’re wearing half a mattress.

Yeah yeah, I know it’s a necessary evil; without the 4-weekly visitor we would never be blessed with children and families and evolution in general and blah blah but try see a man having to cope with such a thing – they’d try to bring an end to the reproductive cycle.

Which appropriately leads me onto the next point …

No.2: Childbirth!

Yep, another exclamation mark is necessary here!

I’m sure there’s not much need for me to expand; it takes two to tango and then … well the woman pretty much takes care of the rest from hereon in. From morning sickness to having urges to yam for two - things that aren’t even edible (chalk and coal are two things that come to mind), to walking around with all that extra weight that you can’t simply put down at a moment’s whim to the finale: the labour! Don’t worry BDSSers, I’m not about to get graphic here but you get my drift.

How is any of this in any way, shape or form FAIR?? They get to revel in all the pleasurable bits while we line ourselves up for the discomfort and pain – yea, that’s plenty fair.

Apart from the obvious, the only other blessing throughout this whole scenario is not having to contend with list No.1 :D

No.3: Hair

Ooh, don’t get me started. In fact just today, BDSSer Bi and I were discussing the gift of hindsight when it comes to hair. Fortunately, one of us (BDSSer Si) is leading the way to good, healthy, natural hair (click here to read more for yourself) but some of us are still in some sort of transition.

Whichever way you look at it, whether you wish to remain natural, decide to relax, opt for a texturiser, or go for locks – it’s all effort and serious dedication. You slacken, you risk losing your lovely tresses – but unfortunately, you sometimes don’t find this out until it’s too late to do anything about it.

No.4: Let’s Party!

“Yay, let’s go – on no wait, I need to get ready.” – The famous last words that I’m sure just about every man dreads to hear from their woman. Ok, I’ll dress this down for you:

Checklist - Male:

1.       Shave

2.       Shower

3.       Moisturise

4.       Choose garms

5.       Smell fresh

6.       Good to GO!

Checklist - Woman:

1.         Select outfit

2.         Paint nails

3.         Wait for nails to dry

4.         Locate your shower cap!

5.         Apply face mask

6.         Shower

a) Exfoliate

b) Shave

c) Foot scrub

7.         Cleanse & tone

8.         Moisturise face

9.         Moisturise body

--- this is where that all essential gulp of wine is required ---

10.     Change previously selected outfit

11.     Find jewellery to match outfit

12.     Find bag and shoes to match outfit

13.     Find jacket to match outfit

And it probably goes on. Admittedly, everyone will probably leave out a couple of the above steps but generally, the woman's process of getting ready for a night out is considerably longer than that of a man’s – again, why is this fair??

And before the men jump down my throat with “well, you’re creating work for yourself”; if we didn’t, we wouldn’t have the confidence in ourselves to carry ourselves into the party and catch your attention – those of us who are taken still like to show off what we’ve got!

So BDSSers women; do you feel me?! What else is ‘unfair’ in the male vs female world? Despite my mini strop, I suspect it’s all worth the effort in the end. Suppose we’re designed to shoulder all sorts of loads so ‘I am every wo-man’ indeed! BDSSer men (you lucky so and so’s) do you appreciate the simpler life, or maybe you infact have it tougher than us? Please; enlighten me!

Those Crazy Stereotypes and Preconceptions You Might Have - Discuss!!!

Now this post is probably completely politically incorrect in that there are a few people out there, who may stumble across this blog and who may take offence to what follows:

It's not offensive however its just a collection of randomly selected race related anecdotes, I mean I'm sure we have all had countless debates regarding the meaning of prejudice, stereotyping and preconceptions etc etc. This post is completely the opposite of a serious debate.

I'd be the first to admit that sometime I do judge people based on stereotypical idea's or prejudices although not so much in a negative way. I am generally happy to accept people as they come. I grew up in a very multicultural area, went to a mixed and multicultural school, however this sometimes does not stop stereotypical  thoughts affecting my actions.

For example, when my mother's partner came round for the dinner for the first time many moons ago (for the purpose of this post I am pointing out that he is white), once dinner was prepared and dished up, I instantly offered him  Dun Dun Dun......

ketchup -Heinz

to splog all over his food, you see in my head at that time when I was quite young (I'm ashamed to admit that I was not that young lol about 14 or so), but in my head he was white so he wouldn't possibly want any pepper or anything spicy to eat he'd want to tone the heat down with ketchup. He said no and I did think wow, he doesn't want any ketchup.....this incident taught me never to assume.

On the opposite of offering a white man ketchup, I did do the reverse, now my parents are from the Caribbean and just to clarify for the uninformed Africa and the Caribbean are in two different places, we eat different foods, I get asked by my Nigerian friends if I've ever eaten Nigerian foods, and someone might ask me about St Lucian or Bajan foods, the point I'm trying to illustrate is that yes we are black but we (without going into any geographical details) speak different languages and eat different foods. So one day a long time ago one of my partners Ghanaian friends came round for dinner and what did I instantaneously offer him when the dinner had been prepared and served......Dun Dun Dun....

Hot Pepper Sauce - Hot Sauce

he was Ghanaian so in my mind I assumed he would want pepper sauce.  Again he declined and I was like oh awkward.

Don't worry, these days if you come to my house for dinner I will offer you a selection of condiments (no ketchup or pepper sauce will be forced upon you whether your black, white or any other race), as I've come to understand that people of different races enjoy all sorts of foods. I'm black but I enjoy Thai food, there are a lot of black men who if you are fortunate enough to get cooked for and they ain't cooking any Jellof, Jerk Chicken or Gari they are cooking Italian food.

However in my experience I am not the only one who has these little preconceptions, for example one of my ex work colleagues (thank goodness she became an ex work colleague fairly quickly she was one of those individuals who rubbed everyone up the wrong way with her ridiculous antics!). She was Russian and she kept on asking me about Jerk Chicken:

Have I ever tried jerk chicken, I told her yes I had (so yes I'd answered in the affirmative as far as I was concerned the subject should be dropped). However she kept on seeing me around the office and it was like a light bulb went off in her head, black woman she must eat Jerk Chicken, let me ask her again and again and again and she also used to comment that she herself loved Jerk Chicken.
She made it her mission to ask me the same question over and over again.
In the end I explained to her that I had told her already and that she should stop asking me this. (Now just to clarify I wasn't walking around giving off a Jerk Chicken eating persona, I don't think I ever ate it in the office around her, I could not even tell you the last time I ate jerk chicken, yes Jamaica and St Lucia are both in the Caribbean but we eat different things.

Another example when I was studying in university was an older woman I was in class with who again latched onto the idea of me being black and consuming Jerk Chicken, however this time she knew I was from Hackney and she was familiar with a food place called the Jerk Joint does anyone know if it's still open?. So she kept on asking me if I liked Jerk Chicken and I said yes and then She asked me if I'd ever been to the Jerk Joint, again I said yes I had been there once before, which is so far so normal. But again for some reason she kept on asking me the same questions over and over again whenever she got the opportunity to have a conversation with me. I did eventually have to take the same approach as above and inform her that we'd already discussed this and that she needs to go there herself if she has never been as she seemed fascinated with the idea of the place. To which she replied that she had already been! WTF? lol!
Then to top it off she proceeded to tell me that she had a friend who has 5 dogs and 20 pigeons and that she had taught the animals to kiss their teeth whenever she visited (even now as I am typing this out I am rolling my eye's in bewilderment)! Why did I need to know this?

LMAO WTF?

Now I did just put it down to a misguided attempt to make conversation with me, maybe they thought it wasn't enough to converse over a British pastime such as watching Eastenders, oh no we had to talk about Jerk Chicken lol but as I say I have had my own food related moments.

There is nothing wrong with being curious about another persons culture and traditions but lets not bug them about it.


So bdsser's have you ever had any wacky incidences born out of lets assume innocent stereotypes or preconceptions. I am not just talking to the black people  reading the blog, as I know that everyone has silly preconceptions  and I'm sure some poor soul has felt the affects of this.


Comment, share and join the blog!

Stalking is real people (or Harassment)

The other day I noticed a random topic trending on twitter: #youknowyourbeingstalkedwhen...

Obviously more time than not if it's trending on twitter it's not really taken as serious but it got me thinking what exactly is stalking? (excluding the celebrity stalking that we hear about in the press)


(a quick google search!)

“There is no legal definition of stalking in the UK, however, the term ‘stalking’ is generally used to describe a form of behaviour which involves the unwelcome and repeated following of or communicating with another person in a manner which that person finds distressing or threatening. In most such cases the victim is a person with whom the perpetrator has had or would like to have an intimate or personal relationship. ‘Stalking’ is often used interchangeably or in conjunction with ‘harassment’ to describe the same or similar types of behaviour.

The frequent conflation of the terms ‘stalking’ and ‘harassment’ is understandable as stalking can be regarded as a serious form of harassment and there is no clear division between the two forms of behaviour.”

Do any of you know what it feels like to be the target of unrequited attention? Like when someone you have no interest in dealing with or who adds no value to your life continues to communicate with you even though you have told them you want no communication and in no uncertain terms to galang!

You even go so far as to change your telephone number but some how they still text you and when you don’t respond they email you. I mean what is up with people who believe they have a right to be in your life even though you don’t want them there?

Unfortunately we don’t call ourselves dramas in the borough’s for nothing BDSS’ers nope unfortunately one or more of us have dealt with or are currently having to deal with such behavior.

I think it's an important issue to talk about it, because most times we play it off as trivial (i.e., a silly ex) and hope it goes away of its own accord.

Also from experience I know more times the person doing the harassing (lets face it, it is harassment) has this twisted notion of I love them/they belong to me therefore I’m going to harass them/bombard them into submission.

Well… you know the saying “If you love something, set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours in the first place..."

I wish there was an extra line added to that saying: “also if it doesn’t, the best thing to do is move on with your life. Under no circumstance should you act like a pyscho and bombard them with ongoing communication”

I mean seriously once you have harassed can you really come back from that? Is there a person on earth who finds that kind of behavior attractive? Dealing with someone who has no respect for your wishes?

It got me thinking on a serious note what are your options when dealing with such situations?

After some more online research I stumbled across a few pieces of information, which may be useful to anyone out there dealing with harassment:

Found on https://www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q497.htm

“If you receive two or more nuisance e-mails/texts that are non violent in nature, this could amount to an offence of harassment (defined below). The word "harassment" does not have a legal definition, but the words alarm, distress or torment are the best words used to describe it.
The incidents must be related and must not be two isolated incidents. The further apart the incidents are, the less likely there is to be an offence of harassment. However, all the circumstances of the incident will be taken into account when determining if an offence has been committed.
The law takes into account the "reasonable person" test. This means that if it was felt that a person of reasonable firmness (i.e. the average person on the street) would not be alarmed or distressed, the offence is not committed. The offender must also be aware that the course of conduct they are pursuing would cause the victim to alarmed or distressed.
Example
A and B were partners, A finishes the relationship but B is not happy. B sends 30 e-mails/texts over the course of a week begging A to reconsider. If A is then distressed by this course of action, an offence of harassment is likely to have been committed. Note however, if A was not distressed and ignored the e-mails/texts, then no offence of harassment would have occurred.
If you believe you have suffered this type of harassment, there are two possible ways of dealing with it. You can contact the police who will pursue the matter or alternatively, you can pursue it yourself thorough the civil courts.
If you feel that you have suffered from harassment and would like police involvement, please contact your local police station.”

Found on http://www.nssadvice.org/always-trust-your-instinct/




Ok BDSS’ers have you been harassed or stalked by someone? How did you deal with it? What was the outcome?

Reasons To Be Cheerful!

Reasons to be cheerful!

It was my birthday on Saturday and now I am 28! Upon reflection I would say I have definitely got to know 'who I am' during my twenties, but of course I am still learning. It feels a little weird as I keep thinking gosh I am nearly 30! Back in the day 30 onwards was really a 'big peoples' age to me, but now I'm embracing the close of my twenties and definitely looking forward to all the great things I'm sure the years ahead will bring. For some reason during my birthday weekend I have had the Ian Dury & The Blockheads tune 'Reasons To Be Cheerful' in my head, and it got me thinking of the things that make me cheerful, so I thought I would share them with you.....

Friends and Family

Where would I be without my friends and family? I have so many special people that illustrate my life from past and present, who have most definitely shaped the person that I am today. Just watching my children makes me cheerful. I was really touched that I received so much Facebook messages on my birthday from some people that I haven't spoken to in years but who had actually taken a minute to just think of me. I have a friend who I've known since I was 8, and even though she is Nottingham and I am down here and I can't remember the last time we actually spoke we always write to each other. The day before my birthday I got a 4 page letter from her and it was actually really cool to just have a different form of communication in my hands. We have been doing this since we were young as we use to write to each other in the 6 weeks holiday from school.

Religion/Spirituality

Having been brought up by an atheist I was always encouraged to follow my own convictions when it came to religion and my beliefs, therefore I have an open-mind and respect when it comes to religions aside from Christianity in which I am most familiar with. I would say that I am still on a path in regards to my relationship with the Most High, but I find much comfort in what I believe and also in what I am still learning. My Mum once said that she is glad that I have my faith because not believing is very lonely, and I'm thankful that that path wasn't for me.

Looking Good

There is nothing better than putting on a new outfit, having your hair done and feeling great! I love bargains so it's even better when I'm looking great on a budget! I recently brought a pair of beautiful Kurt Geiger shoes and cannot wait to rock them to see Fela! Even though I will probably buckle at some point during the day!

Eye Candy

There is something about a good looking man with locks. The other day at the leisure centre I saw him, he was like a chocolate Adonis, handsome face, athletic physique and gorgeous eyes and locks that framed his face - yummy. Oh lawdy! Our eyes met and we had a pleasant gaze, until my toddler decided to shout “MUMMY” and broke whatever daydream I was in. We had a chuckle and went about our business, there really is nothing like eye candy.

Great Food and Drink

I love great food and wine, my favourite food is lobster and steak, a perfect combo in my book. There is a franchise of restaurants in London called Belgos, or The Big Easy on the Kings Road is also great for this culinary delight. At the mo my favourite dessert is a blueberry loaf cake that Tesco sell. I am ashamed to say it but I ate most of this by myself yesterday even though it can serve up to 10 – hey, it was my birthday!

Holidays

There is nothing like being away from it all, and being somewhere new. I'm fortunate enough to have had some great holidays, and I'm very excited to be going away with my BDSS ladies in a few weeks to relax and have some fun – whoop whoop! I would love to go to Jamaica though and I am extremely jealous of my grandfather who flew out there today.

Brilliant Books

One of my all time favourite books and films is called 'Like Water for Chocolate', if you want an pulsating romance to keep you on the edge of your seat , check out this novel! I watched it when I was 10, and read the book when I was in my teens. I could honestly read it over and over because it's so exhilarating. I also would recommend 'Your Blues Ain't Like Mine' by Bebe Moore Campbell mother of Maia Campbell, it's a great book and I couldn't put it down when I read it.

Beautiful Songs

My musical taste is very eclectic and love a range of music from rock to opera, some of my favourite songs are Louis Armstrong 'We Have All The Time In The World', which just makes me feel good and reflect on life. Sam Cooke 'A change Is Gonna Come' is a masterpiece, 'Take My Breathe Away' by Berlin reminds me of my youth, I remember always wanting to get my childminders daughter to play it. 'Ave Maria' a song I've always envisaged having sung at my wedding, which I just think is beautiful. 'One More Chance' by Biggie, which makes me think of school days, and the first rap I ever knew off the top of my head. Peter Tosh 'Creation' I love this track, take a listen! The list could go on and on!

Zumba – Brazilian Dance!

Now I'm not an exercise addict, but us BDSS ladies have recently discovered Zumba, when I first tried this out I must say it almost made me drop and shout “I can't do this no more!” But what made me persevere was the many older ladies that I was surrounded by, who weren't even shedding a drop of sweat. After a few more lessons I was hooked, and it makes me very cheerful especially once I've completed a class and feel revitalised. Because the tunes are so good if I close my eyes tight enough I can sometimes imagine I'm at a rave, especially if I go down low enough!

There are many other things that make me cheerful, I could be here all night, but instead I would like to know what makes you cheerful?

Ciao!

P*ss Me Off!

Madea has a remedy!

Sometimes, I just feel myself having a ‘Madea’ day; where nothing goes the way it should or no one seems to act how they're supposed to. You know, like buckling in front of your new date or walking around with your skirt tucked into your knickers – not a good day!

*NB: I’m about to go off on one so for those who are of a meek and mild disposition . . . apologies in advance!*

1. D*MN IT!

Now I know everyone knows what it feels like; running for the train/bus only to end up missing it altogether (kmt!) – p*ssed. And when this happens on a Monday morning (for example) when you’d spent all of Sunday evening working yourself up for the ‘productive’ week ahead; you’re doubly p*ssed.

Then of course, you've got the times when your train/bus is late and the losers who try to fast-track themselves in front of you and into the late Transport for London vehicle; alas, they are soooo lucky that I've had my morning coffee and have a job to get to (just like them) otherwise I would let them have it! Just what makes you think you're entitled to step in front of ME - you just got here; then you wanna look at me like I'm crazy for not letting you through – please! They’re just tryna. . .

P*ss me off!

2.     Drives Me Insane!

Oh my gooo-d-ness; I can’t even begin to describe the annoyance I feel when someone cuts me up on the road. Firstly, it’s dangerous; secondly, it’s pig-headed and thirdly - it’s just plain rude. I don’t know about you but it also gets my wick going when someone blatantly cuts me up and has the nerve to flash their hazards (i.e. thank you!) – what the hell are you thanking me for; I didn’t let you in!

However, I must shamefully admit that I am one of those people who will drive right up you’re a*se if you’ve offended me in this way; My 8 years of no claims suggest I’m a controlled (dare I say it, skillful) driver with good reflexes so this is my way of getting back at those p*sstakers; no one likes a stranger up their a*se but that’s what you get when you . . .

P*ss me off!

3. Do Your Job!

This particular entry is dedicated to those who have been employed to carry out specific tasks; no one hired them as a consultant, advisor or chaperone. So why do you feel the need to mess with formulas that work, reinvent the wheel so to speak? No one asked for your opinion; just your timeframe on my request!

Another irritating habit is when people feel the need to interject in something that you are solely responsible for, maybe even try change a few things around – while the job they are actually meant to be is idle.

Lastly (and dedicated to certain Directors, Managers, or Supervisors), which book of logic states that in delegating something to me, something that you deem to be of minimal interest, it is perfectly acceptable to try come reap the rewards of my labour when it all comes into fruition. You sincerely have a gift in trying to . . .

P*ss me off!

4. Then, Don't Ask!

Peoples complaining, asking your advice then disregarding altogether and going with their first thought (a cute example of this is in my Hypochondria post from last week!). This is something that the B, D, S, and S have all encountered many times in the past and on a regular basis and tolerance of this can be quite challenging. A; if you’ve already decided on what you’re going to do – don’t ask me what I think you should do; it’s already redundant. B; if you don’t appreciate the truth and would prefer your pill to be sugar coated; please, ask someone else or better still, don’t ask anyone anything! You must love to...

P*ss me off!

5. Chipped nail/smudged nail polish (Aargh!)
So, it’s a Sunday night and now that all your chores are out of the way, you set aside a couple of hours to indulge and pamper yourself before the working week comes back around and you select your favourite nail gloss. After a session of filing, buffing and trimming, you sit absolutely still and paint your nails; base protector, colour coat then top coat. Aahh; it’s all looking so fresh so clean, so tidy. Not a stray of the brush of an air bubble – it’s immaculate. You convince yourself they’re hard and dry so you go to bed ... only to wake up and find the BIGGEST smudge of your life, where they obviously hadn’t completely dried underneath, what with all the coats.

Little do you know you’re about to miss that train because that loser fast-tracked themselves in front of you...

Once on the train, you realize you’ve chipped your nail in the worst place possible that’ll take weeks to grow out... 

P*ss me off!

6. Cover your mouth!

Do I really need to elaborate? These people are everywhere! In fact, this very morning, I had to witness someone  who sat not so far from me sneeze up the person next to him. Then when he felt that was enough, he raised his arm and sneezed into his elbow - and I'm not even exaggerating. He had a functional hand so why not sneeze into it and prevent your nasty infectious mist disseminating in the little fresh air that's left in the carriage?!

Out shopping with my nephews and godson in April, a similar thing happened whereby a man next to me felt the need to cough straight out into the open and the direction of my face; needless to say I was not in the least bit amused and unfortunately, I reaped the reward of his gift the day after - the sh*te infected me!! If ever I saw him again I would have given it back to him; nasty people...

P*ss me off!

7. "Do you understand the words that are coming outta my mouth??" (Courtesy of Chris Tucker)

There's always someone, somewhere, with a call so urgent that it can't wait till you get home or, at least, off the train/bus. Don't get me wrong; I use my phone in public and in public places (duh) but if the line isn't clear or someone's reception's breaking up or I'm about to get mad - I'll be d*mned if I'm doing it for all to hear!

I had to laugh when someone told me about this man who obviously was on urgent business so couldn't wait to sort his sh*t out when he got home. He was on the phone to what sounded like his bank, sorting out some massive discrepancy, getting mad, shouting, pacing up and down the platform; calling out his bank details! That is taking it to the extreme and would lead me to believe that no-one was on the other end of that phone; if they were they were partially deaf (defo after the call if not before). Either that, or shouting at your phone enables it to do something special! This kinda behaviour. . .

P*ss(es) me off!

8. Take 'em off!!

Where the hell do you see the sun in this dark a*se nightclub?! Granted, I've had my moments - but I was 17 (20 at the max!! Why on Earth do men (unfortunately, I see more men guilty of this than women) believe that it makes them look 'cooler', or gives them 'swagger'?! You look like a jerk, a joke even. You are not Jay-Z, PDiddy or even Chipmunk - so leave them in the car (or in your jacket) and proceed as normal.

Irritates me to no end (don't really P*ss me off but a credible entry)!

9. This is your my life!

You went on a date or something out of the ordinary happened to you over the weekend. You're telling interested parties the details until the 'I've been there, done that, brought several t-shirts home' individual can no longer contain themselves and just has to let everyone know how the same sh*t happened to them; and how much more fascinating/unsightly/incredible/outrageous it was than your pitiful tale. These people make me weary and ...

P*ss me off!

10. Get a life!

All of the above, points 1-9 have been a release for me - you know, that mid-week exhale and also a chance to have a chuckle with the rest of BDSS and our beloved followers and readers to help us through the rest of the week. But no matter how light hearted our posts may be, you always get the faithful cynics who rather than acknowledging our writing (or at least conversational skills) and appreciating the element of entertainment or the insight into the types of weird and wonderful conversations we have had over the years, over several *cough* glasses of wine, they persist to manifest their negative selves on us in the form of rude, obnoxious, blunt, abrupt, and more times than most ignorant comments.

Of course, we welcome all since this is afterall a conversational mechanism - but, sometimes, just give it a rest and join in the laughter if that's what we're doing. We are grown women who act right (most times, hehe) and never intentionally set out to offend anyone - share your knowledge or experience but please do not come to 'our house' with your rudeness. If you're not feeling what you're reading by all means let us know by commenting constructively - otherwise, change the channel. Ignorance and rudeness can truly ...

P*ss me off!

Some of the above just be p*ssing me off on the regs - but I feel much better for sharing it with you lol!! How about you BDSSer's, what gets up your goonies, dampens your fire, gets you shouting at your mobile?