Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Too 'Picky' (Is this why your single?)
This all stemmed from a comment I made on Debs post which was something along the lines of a women of 25 is an adult and if she wishes to be with a man of 52 year old man; then let them be! My friend was basically taking the mickey out of me.
This mickey taking lead to an in-depth discussion/friendly argument regarding preference, choice; and being what I now consider 'too picky' when choosing a relationship.
Now I must admit this is a different way of thinking for me because previous to this conversation I never thought there was such a thing as 'too picky'. In fact I've always held the view that being 'picky' was a good thing (the reasons we may explore later).
My own personal view on a 52 year old male - they are not at all ancient, yes they may be nearer my mother's age however; there are plenty of 52 years olds in good shape. Also, at 52 they would have a good amount of life experience, as well as be financially together and a lot of other good qualities that come with age. So why rule out dating one if the over all package is good?
This reasoning fell on deaf ears my friend was having none of it!
“NOPE 52 years is too old!”
To the point were I found myself really trying to sell the idea of love with a 52 year old man–ha ha. (Don't start reading to much into this; I don't lust after 52 year old men regularly, but mainly because this is just how I and my friend regularly debate – taking opposite stances).
As you can imagine she brought up a number of reasons why a 52 year old is not a suitable mate:
a) “Their more suited to your mother-more things in common”
b) “What if they suffer ill health –you'll end up being a carer”
c) “What if you want to have children –they will be dead by the time the child is 18!” – My retort being:
d) “Nice to see you, to see you nice!” - if Bruce Forsythe is 70+ and having babies why can't me and my 52 years old man?
We then moved onto a discussed around other preferences that she has such as, she would not date anyone from a different religion (her being a Christian). She would not date anyone from a specific cultural or ethnic background (I hesitate to say this but specifically she mentioned Nigerian); someone who smokes or has children.
It was at that point (out of exasperation mostly) I started saying things like:
“But what if you met someone who is 52 years old and ticks almost all your other boxes?”
“What if you met someone who smokes and they tick all your other boxes?”
“…just think about it… what IF you met someone who ticks all your other boxes but practices a different religion - religion don't make the man does it?” (in hindsight I can see I basically asked the same; and also rubbish question in a slightly different way – but I was desperate people! Ha ha)
To which she replied: “Well then he does not met my preferences at all!” Lol (with frustration)
My headstrong friend then pointed out love is not necessarily about 'love' rather it is about choice or personal preferences (so unromantic). In some respects I agree (relationships take work) but there was also a part of me that thought - you're ruling out someone who could potentially be 'the one' based on one little insignificant thing (is religion insignificant?) like smoking or ethnic origin.
I read an article a while back where a woman was recounting spotting a PH-(fine!) man at a friend's party. She asked her friend for the low down on this man and the report was good (unlike Sel's low down the other week: The BDSS: Its Not in Our Heads...!) This man was good looking, educated, good job (working with orphans), and just basically good everything (an eco-warrior); she said it herself he ticked all the boxes plus - he was interested in her too. So her friend got his number... but there was just one thing…a different religion!
She never ever did call him… again I say what IF...
So BDSS'ers what do you think? Is there such a thing as being too picky when choosing a relationship? Have you ever ruled out someone based on not meeting one specific preference? Have you ever met someone who ticked all your boxes? Do you even have boxes? What's in you box? (of preferences!)