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Sunday, 12 June 2011

How Old is Too Old?

It appears that we have a mentality of 'anything goes' in our modern day society; everything from changing your bra size at a moment's notice if you're unhappy with what nature gave you, wearing jeans with blazers, or airing out your most shameful dirty laundry on TV for the nation to see, right down to getting paid by the Government for not finding a job and guy-liner/skinny jeans for men!

But there is one trend in particular that appears to be on the rise in the popularity stakes; the age disparity (or gap) between us and our spouses, partners, lovers or significant others. You only have to watch Maury a few times to realise that 45 year olds sleeping with someone who is younger than even their own kids, no longer appears to be extraordinary:

Maybe I'm old fashioned. I remember talking with the BDSS ladies in the past about how 'young' or how 'old' we could consider and I can't say we were prepared to go all that far in either direction. But that's not to say it can't work or is always done out of perversion (for want of a better phrase :O). Definitions on the world wide net would lead us to believe that relationships of significant differences in age could be looked at in the following ways:

Sugar Daddy: a man who spends money for the benefit of a younger person, especially a younger woman typically implying that there is a romantic or sexual relationship between the two, and sometimes implying that the money-spending is, in effect, exchanged for sex.

versus the;

Gold Digger: any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account (or should that be bank balance) than she does about the man himself.

Or, quite possibly:

Cougar/MILF (i.e. mother I would like to...fancy lol) : A woman of middle age who actively seeks the casual, often sexual, companionship of younger males, who are typically less than 35 years old, energetic and up for anything.

Rhino/Mougar/Manther (all courtesy of Urban Dictionary): the male version of a cougar; an older man who preys on younger women, more times than most for sexual relations or gratification. A boost to the ego, supporting the notion he's still 'got it' .

Personally, I prefer the older man but as a baseline rule, would never date a man my mother's age (I would have issues to even consider someone of 67 or above!) or my child's age. Narrowing that down even more and out of personal preference I prefer to be with someone older than me, by no more than 5 years. That said, I have been open-minded in the past and my youngest partner was two years my junior. They say that girls mature quicker than boys and I used to find that even men of my own age (be it 19, 23, 25) came across much younger in mentality (granted, this does not apply to the whole male species out there, just the ones I came across!) There's something that I find 'safe' about a man older than me; I suppose we women are designed with the desire to be taken care of by a strong male, a head of household - I gats you!! But I also prefer them to be taller, stronger and all the other elements that I want from a relationship so I appreciate that this is not always defined by  someone older than I.

Although, this seems to have worked well in my family. My mother tells me that my Grandfather was nearly 20 years older than my Grandmother and likewise, she was some years younger than my father.

Celebrity Age-Gap Couples 
Purely for your information (or perhaps entertainment lol) below are a list of some famous celebrity couples with significant differences in age. . .

First, we have the “Cougars”:
- Ray Jay & Whitney Houston; 18 years, when they were together
- Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey; 11 years
- Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore; 15 years difference
- Lewis Hamilton and Nicole Scherzinger; 7 years difference

Then, the “Rhinos”, who appear to be a lot more generous with the gaps, yet representing a trend that has existed for centuries:
- Catherine Zeeta-Jones and Michael Douglas (25 years)
- Celine Dion and manager Rene Angelil (26 years)
- Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise (16 years)
- Danielle Bux, wife of Gary Lineker (19 years)

So BDSSers; what do you consider to be an acceptable age gap? How high would you fly and low would you go lol? Maybe the age gap is less significant the older you get? Or maybe it doesn't matter at all so long as the two people in the relationship make each other happy.


  1. Debs you forgot the world's famous "Rhino" Hugh Hefner! *cringe*

    That Maury clip is hilarious 'I'm his personal viagra!' LMAO!

    I think I read somewhere that Hugh Hefner uses viagra in preparation for his bunnys *double cringe*

    I think as the women in the clip is 26 and he is 50+ she is an adult he is an adult let them be.

    I think its the Rhino/Cougar category were things get murky especially young young girls and older men and vice versa young young boys and older women, for me basically anyone under 18 (even though the age of consent is 16) I would think theres some sort of deviance on the older persons part (just my personal view!)

    As for my own preference, I definitely see the benefits of someone older, but not so old I take on the role of carer! But someone established and settled who can take care of me -why not?
    Maybe I would fit into the gold digger category! ha ha

    Definitely not someone to much younger (say minimum 5 years younger) although those celebrity cougar/rhino relationships are unique because the younger people have their own thing going on (career/money etc) so they not looking for a sugar daddy/mummy!

  2. What i see is when the woman is older its not more than 10 on average but when the man his older his is like 20 years older which is very interesting i wonder why when the man is older he is shooting for the stars and when the woman is older its not reaching that far???

    Personally I would say 5-6 older and 1-2 years younger, i would rather not be with someone younger than me but if it was so that is as far as i would push it. Just like i am attracted to guys taller than me i am attracted to guy older than me but not by a country mile or should he be closer to my mum age HECK NO!

    Celebs don't live in the same world we do, these folks change partners like the change their socks can get married in a day and divorced in the very same time limit.

    In the case of the vid she is grown and if someone is in love like that and you have said your piece leave them to it.

  3. oh 26 y/o female and 52 y/o male is tooooo dame bloody old

  4. @MFMU I disagree girl 52 is not that old!

  5. LMAO that maury clip made me laugh, that sister of hers was hating on a relationship that appeared to be working and as the doctor says as long as an older gentlemen is eating right then everything still works the same (cringe)lol!

    I always had a rule when I was younger where I never wanted to date anyone younger than me, and I stuck to this firmly until I was about 27, when I realised that yes, a person may be older but it doesn't mean that they are any wiser or mature.

    So I took the plunge and dated someone who was 25 when I was 27 and he irritated me lol, I was very much tempted to go back to my old rule, he almost put me off dating younger men for good.

    As for older than me, probably the maximum age I've dated is 7 years older.

    I think if a relationship works it works, but I must admit I do always cringe when I read stories of men aged 60 plus with women aged 19 it feels abit too extreme and the same is true the other way round. The thought of old and young smooching and making out is not a good one lol!

  6. LOL Good ol Maury I love that show! I personally think as long as the people are over the age of consent it's what ever floats their boats. The oldest age gap I had was about 15 years and I've always prefered older men, then saying that I have never had the opportunity to date someone younger, but if they seemed nice and mature it wouldn't bother me as I've met 40 year olds that are extremely immature. Personally I wouldn't date more than a few years younger than me though. My friend got married to someone older than her Dad and seems very happy, so that is the main thing, even though many people didn't agree with it.

    Some of my male friends date older women and love it. They say that older women or cougars tend to be more comfortable in their own skin, not liable to fall pregnant, and are more up for fun than a younger woman who will want them on lock down. I've spoken to ladies that only deal with younger younger men lol, and they too say that younger men come with less baggage, and are more fun than older men.

    I had one experience when I was way too young and dating a much older guy and he seriously manipulated me because he was older. So I think young women and men need to be emotionally mature to deal with the mentality of someone older.

  7. Yea Si - it had occurred to me to include Hugh Heffner but by the time I remembered - I had forgotten!

    Very true Si/MFMU; celebs are in a world of their own and undoubtedly, their lifestyles must have an impact on certain relationship rules.

    By no means am I saying that 52 is old Si, but would most definitely too old for me!! LOL

    Nicely put Bi - emotional maturity is a must for every relationship

  8. OI!!! How come in your definitions the female version of a cougar is - "a woman of middle age who actively SEEKS the casual, often sexual, companionship of younger males" - while the male version of a cougar is - "an older man who PREYS on younger women, more times than most for sexual relations or gratification. A boost to the ego"? Dammed sexist you! :p

    I love the way that the expert, no spring chicken himself, promotes the idea of dating younger women. I wonder who it was he had his eye on in the crowd :D

    Really interesting article, despite the dig in the ribs to us mael cougars hehe ;)

    Rhino/Mougar/Manther (all courtesy of Urban Dictionary): the male version of a cougar; an older man who preys on younger women, more times than most for sexual relations or gratification. A boost to the ego, supporting the notion he's still 'got it' .

  9. Jabbamp you make such a good point....I blame the world wide web for these double standard definitions. I'm sure milfs and cougars are equally guilty of preying on younger men for an ego boost as well lol!

    Have you guys heard about the the legendary Rhino Hugh Heffner, his 25 year old fiancee has got cold feet and called off their wedding. I think the age gap there was 50 years. Which is like marrying your great grandad *shuddering at the thought*

  10. Im 44 and having an affair with a 67 yr old man. He is a masterful lover we have sex every day sometimes 2 or 3. Hes loving protective and we want nothing more than each others company. He enjoys pleasing me and yes hes still got it