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Saturday, 18 June 2011

Fathers You Count

In celebration of father’s day I thought it would be nice if we talked about the importance of fathers and although I love my father dearly I can’t lie in trying to write this post I was torn between conforming to the normal sentiments of fathers day (you know gushing about how much I love my father) and well…honesty!

When I think about my own relationship with my father and all the positive and negative feelings that have gone a long with it I recognise his big impact on me.
From my late childhood and early teens when he was not around as often as I would have liked, when visits were often sporadic and fraught with periods of waiting and disappointments I appreciate that he never cut the paternal strings completely.

Right through to now I’m an adult with my own child and now I can appreciate that he is only human just as I am; and just as I make mistakes as a mother/human so did he and I guess it affords me understanding which I did not have as a child.

You see as a child I can remember moments when I thought he was the worst man in the world and equally I thought he was the best at other moments.

What I want to get across with this post is how valuable fathers really are particularly in the early years when children are forming ideas about men and women and the world.

I could be wrong but in all honesty I take my fathers occasional absences, as a sign that possibly he underestimated his impact and role in shaping my life (I could be wrong)

The impacts of those early years are still with my father and I today.

Fathers I just want to let you know you count in your children’s life from the moment we are born we are told we should have a mother and father who protect, guide and love us unconditionally so to all those fathers out there protecting, guiding and loving their children – Happy Fathers day!

P.S, I am aware this is my own personal experience so BDSS’ers feel free to share your fathers day stories telling us about your fathers (stepfathers or father figures) and what impact they have had on your life.


  1. Happy Fathers Day to all the wonderful fathers out there.

    To my dad, my brothers, my uncle, my son's dad, and to all the friends I have who are great fathers, I salute you!

  2. I can really relate to your post Si, and you put some of the feelings I've felt regarding my own father very well.

    Fathers do count! Happy Father Day to all the dads!

  3. Great post Si and a Happy Father’s Day to all applicable.

    Absolutely right, there is no doubt of the importance to have both parents in your life and where that isn’t possible (whatever the reason may be), the child should be able to have positive examples to lean on and refer to.

    Unfortunately, I have never had any positive or dependent father figure or male role model in my life but I was fortunate to have a mother who did her best to fulfil both roles and in a way, succeeded. I have two nephews so I should in fact be able to wish a happy father’s day to my brother; sadly this cannot be done as although he may be their 'father', he unfortunately cannot be considered a dad nor any of the things it takes to be a parent.

    This could be out of context but I saw this comment from a visitor via our BlackProfiles page: ‘A father that is there sometimes is better than an absent one’ – sorry ‘sinzere’ but I strongly disagree with that. Having many friends with little or no memory of their dads, I can safely say that those of us without memories of inconsistent, in and out, here today/gone for a year kind of fathers appear to have turned out well adjusted (not perfect, obviously, but different enabled). In another light, you could look at it as my father did both my mother and I a favour by staying away if he realised he didn’t have what it took to stick around and give us what we need.

    I could, however, be taking this comment out of context if he is fact referring to those fathers who have a productive existence in their child’s life, be it full time or not. So, good on you men who love your children and demonstrate it.

  4. I think sometimes a bad father should stay away instead o being constant source of heartache for the mother and child.
    Keep up the good work ladies, what a great site!!

  5. I'm a little late: This is a great post i smiled when i saw this and cried a little ok a little more than a little. Now i was daddies little girl, everywhere he went i went and i was known as daddies belt. I had an amazing bound with my dad and he was the best, encouraged me to travel to different countries, and he taught me how to sign my now signature, i just remember my dad just being there for me. There are just too many great things my dad did for me and i guess God always knew that my dad would die when i reached 18 so our relationship was such that it was done as though he was leaving soon, now looking back. I don't think if you asked me 10 years ago that i could imagine being without my dad but God makes a way where it seems impossible. Though i had the most amazing dad i don't have him now and have had no dad for 10 years but have an amazing mum and lacked for nothing to be honest. I dedicate my post to my dad and if he was alive i would say i love you with every breath that i have and would give it all to hear your response to me.
    You may not have the perfect dad but at least you have one, he may not be the best but ever thought that is the best he can give possibly he never had a great dad so he doesn't know much else to give, like Si says they are only human. Everyday i wish i had mine to just talk to, laugh with and share my dreams with but i don't but i remember when he was here and how much of himself he gave to me and the last thing i have of my dad that i'll always cherish is my 18th birthday card that he signed while in hosptial, sadky 16 days later my dad died.

    Good memory: my dad worked as a computer analyst for the common wealth which meant travelling around the world sometimes 3 months at a time and this time i didn't really want him to go, i was dying inside and i held my tears and prayed that he would not go, we dropped him off got home and an hour later the doorbell rang and it was my dad his flight was cancelled, you couldn't imagine my joy, i'll never forget :)

    So fathers i celebrate you all over the world and those that aren't fathers but are great uncles to their nephews and nieces with no active fathers, your job is just as important, in that i salute my Uncle Billy and my Uncle Norman who have been there for my brother and I.

    God... i cried like a baby i haven't cried over my dad in ages... that was good... so thank you for this wonderful post

  6. Thanks for the great comments everyone and welcome Kit!

    MFMU I will be honest and say when I was writing it I did think of you knowing that you lost your father and also other people who have lost their fathers; and I thought to myself what am I moaning about! I realise that I am very fortunate that he is still here and I can call on him anytime (probably I take it for granted).

    Your comment illustrates beautifully what I was trying to get across with this post and anyone who reads it will probably be moved by how much you love your father and how much he loved you.

  7. MFMU - It sounds like you had a wonderful reltionship with your dad. He sounds like an absolute gem!

    My son actually wrote some really sweet words in the fathers day card he got for his dad, this fathers day. To paraphrase he said something along the lines of every second that he spends with him he learns more about life and growing up, my son absolutely adores and Idolises his father and this is because he is doing such a terrific job.