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Thursday, 16 June 2011

Random S**t Happens

So we all have those days or weeks or months (some people may have years, in which case you may want to look inwards to see what your doing wrong!!) where shit happens and it is just wrong wrong wrong you just think this wasn't supposed to happen,  random inexplicable stuff.

Now I'm not talking about any serious life changing events, I'm just talking about the ridiculous things that you can survive and cope with and laugh at on a day to day basis: A few things that have happened to me that I have recalled are:

Getting cramp anywhere in your body is bad enough but during sex is not good for a woman.  Guys sometime's try and carry on while this is happening to them, sometimes it works and they continue but sometimes it doesn't and they have to stop. For us women its not sexy at all, the cramp sets in, you start moaning wailing and your partner asks you if your coming (insert bb roll eyes here) and your like yeah right mate, get off me, and then you have to walk that cramp out, so you jump up and start pacing up and down like a mad woman at the time when you want to look your most sexy, cramp during sex is just wrong. Altho worse than cramp there was a time when I felt like I was having a heart attack, although it was probably just heart burn...ok moving swiftly on...........


A few of us BDSS ladies have had this experience, where by you are seeing someone who is a firm believer in God and being a good christian, which is great, and when you've discussed the celibacy issue your told no I'm not celibate, so you think okay fair enough, the relationships plodding along everythings all good, you get intimate,maybe your intimate a few times and then all of a sudden BAM they announce that they are now being celibate. Ladies and gents I know you have been there!!! What is up with that? either your celibate or your not right? why drag people into your confused quasi-celibate shananigans. This is just wrong!

The thing is the same day when this person randomly uttered the celibate word, I'd spent the day trying to get in contact with someone for work and their voicemail was.....

Ironic right!! - I hadn't heard this song in years lmao!

Not as good as I remember (beer goggles)
I'll never forget the disappointment I felt when I looked at this person who had come to pick me up and I had to do a double take, he was much chubbier than I had remembered and I was thinking maybe what with having met him in a club, with the low lighting, mixed with being drunk, this was not good. If this wasn't bad enough he actually asked me, if he looked like I remembered him to be, now BDSS'ers I'm sure there are times where your face gives away your true feelings automatically without you wanting it to. As soon as he uttered the question I tried to mumble (I didn't want to lie to him too loudly! I felt less quilty this way) "oh yeah of course" in the most convincing voice possible, but my face just betrayed me (I hate this when this happens, its got a mind of its own and just contorted into this horrified look that said screamed hell no!) needless to say I never saw him again after that date, not that I wanted to, but its just wrong that he was not as hot as I remembered. 

My face betrayed me
I was on a night out with the ladies, we fancied a bite to eat, so where do you go? kebab shop clearly! I walk into the shop and come face to face with a drunk woman with missing teeth and who is looking very worse for wear, before I could stop my face, it gave this completely shock, scared, horrified look, I actually was startled and jumped back. I honestly felt so awful afterwards even though it was a natural reaction, needless to say the woman wasn't happy, she was cursing me in her drunk state, which was okay because it meant that I couldn't understand a word of the insults she was drunkenly slurring  and she posed no physical threat to me! I got my kebab and left!! Face betrayal is just wrong!

Cowboy dreads
I went to St Lucia in december and there were alot of things that surprised me about the place, for example, there seemed to be a lot of either rastaferians or people with their hair in locks over there. This I found curious so I did actually ask someone why is this, lol! but the funniest thing I saw out there was a dread galloping fast down the road on horseback,  A cowboy dread! This is not something I've seen or am used to and also what I couldn't for the life of me understand is where he was going so fast, and the ganja smell was wafting.

So BDSS'ers this is just some randomness thats made me laugh over the years, do you have any randomness to share? Be it sex cramps, sex farts, dates from hell, kebab shop fights, face betrayals or whatever, I'd like to hear from you, just so I know I'm not alone!!!


  1. once stood next to a girl having a screaming match with her phone at the bus stop. extremely pissed and the conversation ended with her smashing the phone.


  2. Lol that is so random, why smash up your phone for? I think that woman needs some serious anger management classes!

  3. First off, the cramp thing is beacuse of a Magnesium deficiency, the christian "instant celibacy" thing is just a lame way of a guy trying to tell you he wants out of the relationship, don't even get me started on the "beer goggles", and your face ALWAYS betrays you. But hey, random sh*t happens.

  4. Once, Long time ago, I was trying to get off work. I pretended to be having this conversation with someone on my mobile who I would have to leave work for to help out. I think the story was about having a spare key and I needed to leave to give the key to him. It was all going great.... until my phone started ringing in the middle of my 'important conversation'. Embarrassment to the max :(

  5. Wow some random stories! ha ha :-D

    Jabbamp that is too funny, if I ever decide to use that one I will make sure my ringer and vibrate is off.

    Sel I can't stop laughing at the heart attack symptons during *ex, LMAO! talk about a mood killer - haha

  6. I am not sure this qualifies but I am going to share it anyway. So once I was walking in a mall called Victoria Center in Nottingham (you know Bianca!). I walked into the toilets. First thing I see are urinals and I am like - 'oooh when did they start putting urinals in the ladies looa?' Then I see a man with a bushy beard emerge from round the corner looking at me really wierd, and I am like - 'what the hell is this perv doing here????' Then I realised that the toilets didn't smell so good and this is when the penny dropped - urinals + man with bushy beard looking at me wierd + smelliness = men's loo. Did I do a quick turn around out of there! So that wierd look on his face was one of 'how silly is this girl.' I was so embarrased - it was head down all the way to the ladies! Everytime I think of that or tell anyone - it is all ROTFL - I'm even chuckling now. Needless to say to this day, I always double check the signs for public toilets...

  7. Lol Rhoda -I have done this, although I've realised before getting very far into the toilet and retreated!

  8. LOL I once went on a blind internet date a years back. He said he looked like Denzel (RED ALERT IF A BROTHER YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SAYS THIS) being young and silly I believed him. We agreed to meet at a landmark, and saw a guy coming towards me and prayed it wasn't him. Fortunately the guy walked past and I was sooooo relieved. My date called and said he was around the corner, so I was feeling much more optimistic. I felt a tap on my shoulder and my heart sank. It was the guy who had walked past he had decided to check me out and called me (why hadn't I thought of that) there before me stood Mr Motivator with acne, not Denzel KMT!

  9. Si don't you remember driving to Sel's place the that dude started a fight with the chick and we had to call the police and Si said draw up the windows, lock the door, tried to looking at him but he was shouting at the chick who didn't run for he life she walked while he was held back but not for long as he was let go and he legged it after her. That was funny because i didn't know what to do, if i was to run, where to i didn't know the place, if we stayed what if he saw that we called the police then what. Lol
    now it funny but i was scared out my mind

  10. Sorry I'm late in commenting...

    Fresh outta school, my then boyfriend and another mutual friend had passed through Woolworths to pick up some Christmas gifts for my nephew. We left and 15 minutes later, a police car pulled up next to us abruptly (I thought something was up when he didn't take the time to parallel park!), the officer jumped out and said "can you three stop right where you are!" Subconsciously and simply cos it was unexpected, my foot (which was in mid air) stepped back instead of forwards and the officer was like "I SAID DON'T MOVE!!"

    I had bought my lil nephew an SOS station including: a police car (oh, the irony!), an ambulance van, a fire engine. Our friend, however, had nicked a toy pistol and whilst we were walking back had been mucking around with it, pointing it all over the place. They obviously got reports of an 'two IC3 males and 1 female, brandishing a deadly weapon!'

    At this point I'm like wa - the hell - gwan; they had cordoned off the whole street including those adjacent and I later learned that there were about two police vans round the corner locking off those roads too! The boys got searched and my only saving grace was that no female officer in the surrounding areas was free to come and do me!!

    They let us go without charge! :D

  11. LMAO Debs - Sounds like they were sending a team to take you out girl!

  12. You know - S.W.A.T!! Sure it was a matter of time before a helicopter appeared...

    Could've been on Police, Camera, Action!! :D