Firstly I have been directed by BDSS:Debs to highlight the BDSS’s disdain for the X Factor.
Now although I missed last nights results show Debs has informed me that it was a choice between F.Y.D & Katie Waissel (or as I like to call her Weasel! lol)
Debs assured me that if it was based on performance alone then F.Y.D had it hands down, but as we all know the show is fixed and so the Weasel lives on to sing another day! and if your still in denial that its a fix, check this out:http://www.anorak.co.uk/256750/tv/how-the-x-factor-and-sony-bmg-fixed-it-for-katie-waissel-aka-katie-vogel.html
So anyways back to today’s topic; when it hurts so bad, as Tina Turner famously sang who needs a heart when a heart can be broken - and badly at that!
I don’t know about you but I definitely remember the first time I got my heart broken, the first time I realized that sometimes men are crap! lol
It came as a complete shock, a bolt of the blue to find out the person I loved, the one I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with was sleeping with or had slept with someone else and at the time I faced what I thought was a big dilemma...
Should I continue on with the relationship because I love him or should I end the relationship because well ... I hate him! (I think there’s a very thin line between love and hate).
I mean I really struggled with accepting that maybe he was not marriage material (the signs where there all along, but I choose to ignore them!) and gradually I grew to resent, despise and hate this person because well ... I do hold grudges! lol
But I realise that that is just me, and that there are people out there who even after infidelity are willing to ride that surfboard until wipe out!
So with that being said BDSS I want to know how? How when you feel you have been hurt so bad do you move forward? Or are you like me do you hold grudges!?
All hints, tips & tricks will be greatly appreciated…
I think it depends on the scale of hurt first of all, Some things can be forgiven but cheating should be where you draw the line. For me it’s the beginning of the end! I don’t see how things can be the same again, can they make things better? Not so sure about that more like things will be worse. And how do you stop yourself thinking about them with the other person? Love will always last but because of the cheating the passion you once shared will fade at some point and I think you need both to keep the fires burning so to speak.
ReplyDeleteIf my partner cheated on me I'd rather not know because if I knew they wouldn’t be my partner anymore simple love or no love they didn’t love you enough to not sleep with that other person so who do you think is the fool if you carry on?
Well I think that FYD were average dancers and average singers!! and based on there performances Katie won hands down!!!!
ReplyDeleteAnyone who cant see this is still holding on to the whole Gamu incident!!
I'd have to agree with anonymous in that I felt that on the night katie gave a better performance than F.Y.D when it came to the face off.
ReplyDeleteI was rooting for F.Y.D but I felt like they were mediocure on the night.
I dont know how you can get through or passed infedelity. I do know that there are some people who come through it. How they do it I dont know.
I think you have to try and rebuild the trust. Also the love as well. Its tough but I think its do-able if a person is willing to forgive.
F.Y.D was crap, rigged or not they sucked in the sing off, at the end off the day the people have to ring and vote so in the end just because the know Kate doesn't mean she will win, personally i don't care who wins because only Leona got my attention.
ReplyDeleteIt’s hard really because though i am an advocate for forgiveness and trying to work it out, there comes a time when enough is enough and you say to yourself what exactly is my worth?, and how much do I love myself? If you don't love yourself enough then it begins to be a pattern of being with men/women that come in sheep’s clothing every single time and you not recognizing it and making the necessary changes to have in the end a great relationship. You have to take a step back and look at things from afar and no it’s not easy to do but needs to be done. That means after heart breaking relationships are over take time for yourself, chill, ease back from being someone's g.f and just be yourself with no title to which you belong.
ReplyDeleteYou never know how things can turn out because you can forgive gain the trust back, it be okay and you are then able to work things out, that person learns from their mistakes and they stay forever with no problems but they are those that you just think this is not worth my time and if you have been through being cheated one to many times in relationships gone by then you will know how that story goes and choose not to stay, personally if i had been through being cheated on once or twice and then the next person did it to me i would not think twice about moving on because i just don't want to go through the same cycle. It also depends on that person’s reaction to being cheating on.
I love myself far too much to let some dude sink my self worth because they're men out there that will love me, lift me up, build me up and honour me the way i am supposed to be and the way i feel i should be... it starts with yourself. If i don't know how you should be treated, or how you should be loved, be lifted up then how can this man do it. I'm in no way saying this will stop men or women from cheating on one another but it would possibly stop a partners forming and creating damaging trends for ones self.
If this person can't match and surpass how I love myself and treat myself then I need to say peace be with you, ghost, peace, I’m out, bye and have a nice life. You have to be selfish in love when giving and taking and be strict then you won't have this riff ruff coming into your lane and messing with your flow. You will start to recognize a wolf in sheep’s clothing and then you will start to no want to be part of such and eventually you will find a great guy.
It also doesn't hurt to pray about it, tell God the kind of man you want, i know i do all the time, i know my brother prayed for his wife to be when he was single and dating, in the end he found someone that is a great match given to him by God.
Well i hope you find the right answer and mostly i hope you heal and make the right changes and in the end find good love.
Anonymous hit the nail on the head for me! - The cheating was the kiss of death of my relationship, I mean I literally felt the love, fire, passion, desire leave the room for that man when I found out!
ReplyDeleteI also agree that if they were so great in the first place they would not be putting you through such things.
Further more if you are not married, don't have no children or mortgage with this person, why would you stick around and be in misery, there are plenty more fish in the sea who as Made4MakeUp said can uplift you!
Great comments - I agree with anonymous´s and makeformakeup was preaching! lol
ReplyDeleteI got what I think is a cautionary tale of two women and two different responses to cheating:
Women A upon her boyfriend introducing her to another women and advising her to get to know other women because she would be sticking around (the cheek! lol) she was like ok... and left him
Women B upon founding out her man was sleeping with every which women but herself, she decided to fight for her man...
20 years later the man from the second story as far as I know still never settled with women B and the end result was 20 years wasted on one man! (even his own child was saying he was no good!)
Now compare this outcome to the man from the first story who 20 years on still whispers sweet IF ONLYS to women A, well you can clearly see what the best thing to do is...move on!
I think every situation is different but if my man cheated I would be outta there. I've been cheated on before but found out soon after the relationship broke down. The signs were there when we were together but to be honest I just didn't want to face it, after things broke down I wanted proof that I want crazy, which I was being told every minute plus I wanted to make sure I NEVER WENT BACK! Well my suspicions were correct I was fortunate that the other woman was a decent woman and told me the truth and what he was telling her - lies!
ReplyDeleteYears on I still see the other woman who liked me moved on, and we catch jokes about that cheating fool. I even see him and think eurrrrggghhhh thank goodness I moved on to bigger and better things! Imagine if I stayed there letting this man use and abuse me I would not have found the happiness I now have. Emotionally he was breaking me. Months after he even had the nerve to leave chocolates, flowers and a letter on my footstep! By then I was so over him and just laughed. Once when I bumped into him, he said ge was shocked I didn't give him another chance!
Once i found out he cheated he became disgusting and I think if I was in that situation again I just couldn't see physically or emotionally past the betrayal. I'm the sort of woman that wouldn't be able to trust him again and it would make me paranoid which is an impact of his mistake, why should I be paying the price?
But then saying that, if you have kids and a mortgage then its not always easy to walk away but it all depends on the couple in question. Truth is, I think there is always a man out there that will treat a woman better than that, and I would be worried about mussing out on Mr right whilst setting things straight with Mr done me wrong.
It was late when I wrote my last post, hence the spelling mistakes! I would like to add that those weeks after the split were extremely hard and it isn't always easy leaving a situation when you love someone and just can't understand why they would hurt you. I almost lost my mind calling him the first day after I found out about the games and lies, trying to understand how he could do this to me! Then I just took a step back and said STOP! I had to start nurturing me again, taking up new hobbies, going out, and reading self - help books entitled 'Don't call that man!' LOL
ReplyDeleteSo we all agree that we would hate to be the party being cheated on and you can never forgive etc, its painful etc.
ReplyDeleteHowever have any of you every cheated? Be honest!
Yes i would hate to be cheated on as i see no good reason to do so, if you are that unhappy or you just don't feel them any more or whtever the reason just speak up however hard you be grown about it and tell that person, cheating imo is the easy way out, what makes a cheater thinker that their spouse deserves that kind of treatment?
ReplyDeleteNo i have never cheaated...
LOL I've never cheated, if I cared about that person I would just be straight and say it's not working for me.
ReplyDeleteI have cheated once I´m not proud to admit, and if my partner at the time had found out I would have hoped he would have left me, because it was not a very nice thing of me to do, in fact it was a very selfish and disrespectful thing to do because at the time I was only thinking about myself.
ReplyDeleteI learnt my lesson quick time: the grass was not greener, in fact it led to all kind of shades of gray!
So I know both sides... but would I still settle with a man that cheated on me now? my answer is still no way!
Its like saying I have lied in the past so that means I should stay with a habitual liar or something...
Thankfully, I haven't been cheated on but I have been hurt in the past to the point where I am either forced to move on to survive the hurt or forced to deal with the situation that's causing the hurt.
ReplyDeleteI have been that crazy mare who doesn't know how to let go if I see a different way or if I'm trying to understand what the hell has happened, but when I do eventually get it, I tend to hold the hardest grudges. On the other hand, I feel empowered when I've got to the point when thinking about the hurt no longer hurts me.
I'd like to think of myself as forgiving (eventually lol!) as there are some people who I and written out of my life completely only to reappear and make things new. But unfortunately, I do have a family member (and I use that term loosely) who I do not envisage interacting with again, due to hurt but mainly because they show no signs of maturing or accepting responsibility.
And no, I haven't cheated but I did very nearly cross the line. . .lol
Would you jump into bed with someone 2 weeks after splitting with your ex with someone you met in the place you met your ex!!!
ReplyDeleteNot classy!!!
Smells desperate!!