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| Friend Zone |
Following some banter on twitter the other day I've decided to tackle the burning issue of ... Is it possible to bounce back from being stuck in the 'Just friends' zone?
(Trust me it's a burning issue, how else can you explain this: Very Smart Brothas: How to get out and stay out of the friends zone and this Out Post Nine: Friend Zone Test it's a place no one wants to be!)
I mean they say the best relationships are formed from friendships and a lot of people refer to their partner's as their 'best friend' therefore it stands to reason a relationship is a natural progression from a friendship...right? wrong
Now we all know the friend zone scenario:
Mike meets Beth.
Mike pursues Beth with romantic intentions.
Mike thinks Beth is just the bee's n ee's
Beth thinks Mike is 'sweet', 'funny', 'nice', a 'joker', a 'laugh', a 'great dancer' but definitely NOT a lover!
Maybe you have been there or are currently in the above scenario BDSS'ers? where for the life of you, you can't understand why your hearts desire does not see you for who you really are… excellent boyfriend or girlfriend material and not only that; but why they shoot the idea down with your every unrequited advance :-(
I'm just going to come right out and say it...
I've personally never gone out with someone who I initally viewed as 'just a friend' and just thinking about how romantic relationships are formed - initial attraction or spark is quite important (be it physically or mentally).
Now I don't know about anyone else but pretty much all of my relationships started off with some sort of physical or visual attraction (call me shallow). Take my partner for instance I thought he was da bomb from the moment I spotted him -like BAM an instant non friend zone reaction!
Now obviously that initial reaction lead me to want to know him, which lead me to talk to him, which lead me to ask probing questions and so on and so forth!
… so the bottom line is attraction counts a lot!
It's either I'm attracted or I'm not and once I'm not...again I'm not!
So you see I believe if in the first instances there is no attraction, no visual stimulation no hmm factor that makes you want to get to know that person further… then there is little to know chance of persuasion after that fact.
Also from viewing the people around me I'm inclined to think that most relationships that start off as 'just friends' even though you may get a sympathy bring in (i.e., a little kiss here, a little bump and grind there -when your 'friend' is lonely) its still likely when someone else sparks an instant non friend zone reaction your 'friend' will drop you like some hot coals!
I think the key is not to get in the 'friend zone' to begin with and if you find yourself slipping GET OUT before it's to late because unrequited love just seems long for all parties concerned.
But if you must try heres some food for thought:
Chris Rock speaks the truth!
The friend zone, it makes me shudder just thinking about it lol!
ReplyDeleteI've been single for a little while now and I would hate to think I'd meet someone think that they were great and then end up in the friend zone.
I think as si says its best not to get there in the first place. As once in the friend zone its a bit of task to get back out. Its probably easier and a lot more enjoyable to meet someone else.
But as Chris pointed out, you sometimes don't notice when you have stumbled into the friend zone. All of a sudden, there you are, and without noticing when you got there. Seems to me like it's a pretty fine balance. You don't want to push forward to fast and hard in case you end up have the door closed prematurely, but if you play the waiting game for too long - BANG! - Friend zone.
ReplyDeleteI think one of you should tackle the issue of timing. How long is too long or how short is too quick. I know it is pretty much subjective, but worth a look at maybe.
BANG! Hello Jabbamp welcome and thanks for commenting *waving*
ReplyDeleteKeep an eye out on the blog as we will be talking about how to avoid the friend zone shortly which may or may not include timing! haha
I love this video Chris Rock knows the female mind so well(i.e., break incase of emergencies) LOL it is so true.
Lol part two of the post is coming. Friend zone avoidance!
ReplyDeleteWe like to try and equip you here on the bdss!!
I agree totally one minute your going along nicely in with a chance, then the next minute. Your being told about how good a friend you are! Then you have grin and bear it as you listen to them going on about a date they are going on next week kMT long!!!
I love this video Si, it always gives me so much jokes because I know I have done this to a few men in my time. It's lways good to have reserves!
ReplyDeleteOn the otherhand I can't recall being made into a friend, when my intentions were to get with the guy thank goodness!
Oh am soo loving this post Si......the dating world is such a long slog sometimes but I enjoy the whole buzz of getting to know dick, tom and harry, going on dates bladhi bladhi....
ReplyDeleteBoi I fell for a friend HARD and I made the biggest mistake by telling him only to end up in the friend zone and even worse we stopped talking completely am gutted but hey life goes on.......
I do believe it's important to build a relationship on a foundation of friendship first look you need to be able to take on the good, bad and the ugly for real, without being in tune with those three components cracks will appear later down the line andd how big will depend on are you able to bridge the gap with the existing FRIENDSHIP...
Hahahaha Chris Rock has a wacky sense of humour he is raw with his words but I love it......he tells it how it is simple..
But if all else fails perhaps these ideas below may take off what do you think :)
http://swankanddirect.blogspot.com/2011/03/litmus-dating-test-key-performance.html
http://swankanddirect.blogspot.com/2011/03/dating-anemometer.html
Lol ha ha am loving the litmus dating test! That would be great, very handy!
ReplyDeleteBi - that is good, I really rate you, I'm always getting into to all sort's of zones with the opposite sex that don't make no sense to me(confused bb face) ROFL!
'Friendship' zone, 'only call me when you're single with no one to warm your bed' zone - none of these zones are the lick!!
ReplyDeleteHowever, I too have been guilty in the past of having reserves lol but that's before I worked out it's not a nice thing to do. Either you're inner or not.
I was never initially attracted to most of my exes so I guess a basic friendship of some sort had to have been established before any other kind of relationship could develop.
The question is, how easy is it in reverse; moving from the love zone to the 'just friends' zone?! lol
the long and short for me is YES it is possible because once the looks fade his body fades the most important thing is how you communicate and you can only do that with someone who is your friend genuine from the bottom up, someone you can trust someone you know doesn't gas when you tell them things and that happens with true friends the one you know who will be there for you no matter what and will give you sound advice be it what you want to here or not but it comes from the best place.
ReplyDeleteThis is very true madeformakeup, once you get past the precarious stages in the beginning, where you can be friend zoneded (not a word I know lol!), a solid friendship is absolutely a must for a long-term relationship.
ReplyDelete